Stopped. Learned. Punished. Learned.

I hate it.

Why can't I have shitty parents who never give a single fuck about you?

My mother forced me to eat lunch (well, I ate only a cucmber, but still, it's eating, and I was supposed to fast!), and then dinner! Which was around a cup of breadsticks (home made, they have olive oil, but no butter, I guess it's better than nothing), with some salsa (My salsa will never be good, I'd prefer to make my tomato soup with more pepper so it will be spicy), and for dessert I worked a lot to get out some coke zero that I put in the freezer.

And I ate a bunch of it.

I feel like a failure.

I shouldn't go to meet Keren.

It took away from me percious weight loss stuff.

It would be healthier to stay in my room.

Though, I didn't eat at her house.

Instead, we played some Wipeout 3 and Mariokart in her Wii, and then went upstairs to watch the second episode of House.

I love it.

I was terrified from the weird thing they did to Dan.

This actor is pretty much one of the best ones.

...

I hate this day.

But lesson have been learned.

Friends are not an option, they take too much time.

Friendships can be made over the internet and in school.

I cannot afford myself this kind of bullshit.

When I say afford, I mean by time.

Not money.

Well, I don't have time.

So I'd rather spent it on important things.

Thank Yourself Later, reminds me that it'll take time, and by the fact I'm doing it, I'm pleasing my older self.

A broken fast is not as bad.

Today, I almost started a binge.

I opened the fridge, and as I almost moved my hand to reach a yogurt (150 cal, it's more like a dinner, I should just eat them as dinners), I told myself "Remember, that it's never to late to stop a binge, and the earlier the better, and I don't want to do it to myself, and I'll regret it later" and stuff alike.

I'm planning on making a smash book thingy.

Just to keep my shit together.

All I need is some papers, probably a new large bider, and rubber, which I have.

I'm planning it for the weekend.

I still need to do ninety more crunches (today is 180, and I had to go straight to Keren, I decided to half it, and do another half later, I don't like it, but that's what I got), at least tomorrow morning is 30 minutes jog in place.

I must put off weight.

I'm going to be overweight.

And I want to be confident.

Everyday, I see a little difference.

I notice what I need and what I don't need.

I'm going stronger each day.

My body knows what to do.

And I'm happier (though I think I'm getting stressed all the time, and nothing will solve it but those cuts), and I'm feeling like I'm going to be really good.

I have few things I would love to do.

Like, Gal to want be friends with me again, so I could be her little black barbie.

And make Yali cry everyday and be jealous of me and my soon-to-be beautiful slim body.

To be lighter, and make better scores at sports.

And maybe, just a maybe, look good enough, to not be ashames of photos.

I need to write what I need to buy.

Like a vanilla green tea [people say it tastes sweet, and I'm planning to make a slushi or sorbet (which is pretty much sugar, which I'll might skip on, and egg whites)], and tons of sugar free gum.

Because I have disgusting bad breath when I'm not eating, so gum is my life saver.

It hides the fact that I didn't ate.

And it hides the smell of a dead creature.

I'm happy.

I have endrophins in my blood.

I'm stressed as fuck.

I have plans for the future.

And for now, after a very long time, I'm happy.

Berries, Survivors,

I hope you'll make it.