I'm so weak.
When I woke up this morning, I woke up at seven, and got down from my bed only at 7:25.
I was too weak to even lift my own body.
Okay I'm doing the ltd, I just saw an overweight lady, I don't want to e her, I want to be skinny, I want to fit in the tables where I'm sitting in, with Ben, who lies about his weight to sound heavier, or Daniel, who does the same.
I want to be able to succeed in long runs, and be tiny like Yael.
Well, after I got up, I wore my normal 3/4 shirt, and some sort of sports trousers, and not leggings, because I barely could go to the desk, I could barely move my muscles!
Oh fuck, I'm going to another bar mitzvah thing, not the party, it's the actual time where he goes to that place and read from the bible.
But that's not the problem, because the actual problem is the catering there.
What will I do?!
I'm too weak to do anything.
...
So far I consumed 5 calories.
It's two sugar free pieces of gum, and in drank tons of water earlier.
...
I'm after sports, I was barely able to move or focus!
Some say on mpa (rhymes!) that if you're this way you should consume more.
But it freaks me out.
I just ate a 35 calorie worth of strawberries.
So far, 40.
I feel full.
But what will I do tomorrow?!
It's going to be Druze catering!
Well, when I'll go there I'll see.
Worst case, I will eat some vegetables or something I can calculate.
...
I'm now at the bus station.
At the class my stomach grumbled once, but I wasn't hungry at all!
Maybe I just can't feel it?
Well, MB is here and so does MG, and MB is eating a red skittles bag.
Each skittle got 4.33 calories.
Only by eating ten of those calorie infused sugar, she passes what I ate so far.
I'm making today veggie patties that are based on mushrooms, and this is way low calorie!
Every hundred grams of those mushrooms have 22 calories!
The whole package got 280 grams (I think, or it's 220) either way, they are so low calorie and so filling!
And I'm soaking today some chickpeas (which are for me hummus beans), so tomorrow I'll make baked falafel balls!
They are better than the deep oil cook.
...
I binged!
Such a failure, I binged while I was making the patties.
And I ate a ton!
It's hundred precent over 1000!
My stomach hurts now, stupid me.
Well, I'm going to jog four hours and thirty eight minutes.
It burns a bit above 2000 calories.
I do it mostly to help my digestion system, it helps a lot.
And it helps me to lose some of it, because I don't want to purge.
I know I can, but I'm not willing to do it.
I don't want to become that kind of bulimic.
It makes you gain, and more weak against binges, and is hardr to lie about.
....
I want chocolate.
I'll make a deal with myself.
I'f I'll complete the run (which will be finished in a very long time from here), I'd let myself to make something sweet.
I really want some sugary pecans.
....
I just binged again.
I feel like shit.
Like a really big shit.
I hate myself.
And, the worst so far?
My mother just made fun of me about my binges.
You have no idea, it sut made me feel worse, and emotional eating was only at it's start, but then she just triggered it.
I hate myself.
I want to cry.
But I don't want to give them the pleasure of hurting me.
...
I learned a new thing today.
The more you skip, the less likely you to eat in between.
Now I feel fat, useless, disgusting, worthless, a complete failure, and all kind of similiar words, but I'm not that good at expressing myself.
....
I don't need food.
Food is just an illusion.
I don't need the liars.
The liars are only here to hurt.
I need the angels.
The angels are here to save me.
I need to be like them.
...
I drew it few days ago,
I think it's pretty good, not my first intention though, but nice.
And this is what I finished earlier,
It took me less time, obviously why, it's really simple.
And this is what I'm starting now,
I wonder how it'll look like in the end.
...
I still feel bad.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Because on Sunday I'll eat only 400.
....
I'm in love with the canned mushrooms.
Why?
Fucking 46 calories for the whole can.
And it's so good.
Like, you can add some spices, or other veggies, or some sauce, and it's incredible!
And they have vitamin D.
It's like the perfect one.
Mostly because today, when we sat outside, I just felt that my face is becoming concrete, and I couldn't feel a thing on it!
...
.png)
Completed.
I don't know, I guess it's kind of okay.
...
I really like the skull mask kind of thing.
I might purchase a plain mask and do it, take photos with it, but I'll have to lose weight before it.
It will be so adorable!
Being tiny, wearing skeleton mask, and going to be around colorful flowers, maybe some of those pictures people put quotes on.
Like me, sitting on some sort of a seat with my dad's bottles (beer and wine, and whatever I'll find).
Or with the sharpest knife I'll find, and fake cuts, because no way I'll do it again.
But the thing I want in it, is the photographer, Gal.
I just love her so much.
...
I am very confused.
What the fuck is that?
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/20/18/f5/2018f5a790106bc9d1140ea242d5900f.jpg
Am I the only one who wonders, why?
I understand that males have pensis, but those stuff won't cover them.
And that facial expression won't.
And I googled for skull mask skinny model.
...
I want to lose weight, so I think I won't eat tomorrow.
Why should I force myself?
No reason at all.
Right?
Right.
I'll eat super light.
Because if I eat on delayed, or not on the normal hours, I get into the overeating phase.
...
Today is already tomorrow, so I'm going to bed.
Tomorrow at eight I'm going to a party, to not eat.
I'm sick of organized endings.
You know who I am anyway.
...
I binged!
Such a failure, I binged while I was making the patties.
And I ate a ton!
It's hundred precent over 1000!
My stomach hurts now, stupid me.
Well, I'm going to jog four hours and thirty eight minutes.
It burns a bit above 2000 calories.
I do it mostly to help my digestion system, it helps a lot.
And it helps me to lose some of it, because I don't want to purge.
I know I can, but I'm not willing to do it.
I don't want to become that kind of bulimic.
It makes you gain, and more weak against binges, and is hardr to lie about.
....
I want chocolate.
I'll make a deal with myself.
I'f I'll complete the run (which will be finished in a very long time from here), I'd let myself to make something sweet.
I really want some sugary pecans.
....
I just binged again.
I feel like shit.
Like a really big shit.
I hate myself.
And, the worst so far?
My mother just made fun of me about my binges.
You have no idea, it sut made me feel worse, and emotional eating was only at it's start, but then she just triggered it.
I hate myself.
I want to cry.
But I don't want to give them the pleasure of hurting me.
...
I learned a new thing today.
The more you skip, the less likely you to eat in between.
Now I feel fat, useless, disgusting, worthless, a complete failure, and all kind of similiar words, but I'm not that good at expressing myself.
....
I don't need food.
Food is just an illusion.
I don't need the liars.
The liars are only here to hurt.
I need the angels.
The angels are here to save me.
I need to be like them.
...
I drew it few days ago,
I think it's pretty good, not my first intention though, but nice.
And this is what I finished earlier,
It took me less time, obviously why, it's really simple.
And this is what I'm starting now,
I wonder how it'll look like in the end.
...
I still feel bad.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Because on Sunday I'll eat only 400.
....
I'm in love with the canned mushrooms.
Why?
Fucking 46 calories for the whole can.
And it's so good.
Like, you can add some spices, or other veggies, or some sauce, and it's incredible!
And they have vitamin D.
It's like the perfect one.
Mostly because today, when we sat outside, I just felt that my face is becoming concrete, and I couldn't feel a thing on it!
...
I don't know, I guess it's kind of okay.
...
I really like the skull mask kind of thing.
I might purchase a plain mask and do it, take photos with it, but I'll have to lose weight before it.
It will be so adorable!
Being tiny, wearing skeleton mask, and going to be around colorful flowers, maybe some of those pictures people put quotes on.
Like me, sitting on some sort of a seat with my dad's bottles (beer and wine, and whatever I'll find).
Or with the sharpest knife I'll find, and fake cuts, because no way I'll do it again.
But the thing I want in it, is the photographer, Gal.
I just love her so much.
...
I am very confused.
What the fuck is that?
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/20/18/f5/2018f5a790106bc9d1140ea242d5900f.jpg
Am I the only one who wonders, why?
I understand that males have pensis, but those stuff won't cover them.
And that facial expression won't.
And I googled for skull mask skinny model.
...
I want to lose weight, so I think I won't eat tomorrow.
Why should I force myself?
No reason at all.
Right?
Right.
I'll eat super light.
Because if I eat on delayed, or not on the normal hours, I get into the overeating phase.
...
Today is already tomorrow, so I'm going to bed.
Tomorrow at eight I'm going to a party, to not eat.
I'm sick of organized endings.
You know who I am anyway.
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