Long

Fucking dolls. 

How dare you to cancel it? Until we can have a choice, when we actually discovered our powers, you cancel it?!

And with it, I'm still surprised. 

Every little thing in the kids world, controlled by the adults. 

And even the things we think that are belong to us, that we have our choice, it's a lie. 

The adults are responsible. 

Why did you give up?!

All the other times they did it, and stopped, the prices will temporarily get down, and after a very short while, they have been doubled!

Stupid.

Exactly like the students council. 

Not really controlled by the children. 

Bunch of listening kids who won't fight and argue with the teachers, pretty much their slaves.

Free democracy in my ass. 

Welcome to dictatorship.

And I know it sounds a bit harsh. 

Especially because I'm only twelve year old girl. 

But welcome to my world. 

...

I'm freezing. 

But it's obvious why. 

Not closing the hoodie, and it's only half coldness. 

Like inside of me it's cold but outside, it's warm. 

...

I'm practicing with low calorie day plan. 

1/2 cup of rice is around 100 calories, since my mom makes them with water and not all the other garbage it's 75 or so. 

But I'll give it 116 anyway. 

It leaves me for the 400 calorie days with more dinner. 

I'd take some spices with it. 

My favorite one is tumerin, it's 8 calorie for a flat teaspoon, but I'll consider it ten. 

It ends up around 124 for a nice meal. 

Then I can have some honey-blueberry-yoghurt dinner. 

Which is 29+85+104. 

And it's one tbsp/tsp (I check it on the jar's back), one cup, and one cup yoghurt, it's a lot. 

218 dinner. 

I can always cut on the blueberries, because it's a lot one cup. 

A half is good so 175 for if using only half cup of it. 

124+218=342. 

It seems a lot now. 

I don't know why. 

The numbers are just weird to me. 

I'll get over it. 

And it leaves me with 58 snack!

Which can be a lot of stuff. 

Since there's no junk now in the LTD, I can eat cucumbers, egg whites, and some stuff alike!

Im good at planning. 

But since it's a free day today, there's always a huge chance of being forced to eat. 

But I'll be in my room. 

Maybe a movie with a jog (I need to do it, two hours and nineteen minutes will be heaven!), maybe just drawing, maybe just being on the private mode on myproana and free lee the banana girl. 

...

They English speakers have a test soon. 

It makes them so nervous, I almost want to laugh. 

It's all easy anyway. 

It's about cyber bullying, I don't know the material, but it ends up with the obvious finale. 

Suicide. 

How do I know this? Because one girl screamed in the class "how do you spell suicide?!".

And she asks it again. 

It's not fair. 

Why does anything doesn't matter unless somebody is dead/dying?!

If I would kill myself, it might've saved 3 kids!

I'm so selfish for not doing it. 

If I would commit suicide, not only that a girl will have blood-stained hands, but also the cyberbully law will be accepted. 

But I was too weak to actually do that. 

Now I have the blood of kids on my hands. 

Just fucking great. 

...

I just had an English test. 

I was sitting next to Ben. 

I'm sorry, but Alex, another girl we have is not shutting up and it's hard to concentrate. 

Well, I helped him through the test. 

She almost caught us once!

Luckily he saved me.

It's the best thank you that you get after helping to cheat, being saved from the teacher threatening to divide my score!

....

Delete the lunch my dear. 

My friend (maya ds) and I went together to an ice cream shop. 

I knew what I need to do when going out. 

Just take a Popsicle. 

I ate 66 calories instead of 124 which is way better!

By the way, I'm now walking to the supermarket, my mother needs some groceries to make cupcakes. 

They include some sort of dairy butter and milk. 

This is a big no. 

And there's ton of sugar. 

I like the food that I make the best.

...

I'm now home. 

At the bathroom. 

I understand what they talked about when it comes to bowel movement (bm is the shortcut, the opposite of MB), they just, don't seem to want to do it. 

It's not that I'm empty, I feel quiet full, but my body doesn't think the same as me!

...

I'm not allowed to make the agar agar.
I will be able to do so until two or so hours will pass, but then it will be too late, and too cold, and other bullshit.
I'm going to use this time for jog.

I hate jogging, because it consuming so much time.
Well, I'll try to do some time after trying more of the hiit.

175+66= 241
And something under twenty as a snack. 

It was some weird trial of making agar agar jelly

So, no matter what, I ate under 300 calories!
I'm so ready for live thin diet!
Just kidding.
It was only for one day, the thing that matters, is that if I can last.
This is the true question
But one problem.
How am I supposed to eat thousand calories?
It's like two and a half large chocolate packets!
And I can't eat popsicles, because they make me very ill.
Maybe I'll make some truffles!
They are always high calorie.
And a great wat to give some to my grandmother.
But it will be really weird!
Like, now, it's weird to eat school meals or lunch.
Should  I eat like oatmeal for breakfast?
I barely can put on half cup.
And it's super hard to shove down your throat around 8 yoghurts (Each one is 104, but with sweetners it will add up pretty fast).

Really bad and weird choices.
On the days it's usually harder to get away with not eating, it's the lower calories, but on the easiest days, it's a thousand!
Go figure!
Ugh, I'm not such a good planner afterwards.

CRAP.
THE THIRD FAST IS ON SATURDAY.
I CAN'T FAST ON SATURDAYS!!
THIS IS SO ANNOYING!

NOT GOOD AT FUCKING ALL.

Okay, we're good.
I tweaked it a bit.
I removed a 1000 day, so the diet plan will go the like the two weeks before.
It means on day cut off.
But it will be just in time for finding something new.

...

Well it's bed time, I'm going to look for raw food recipe sites, and maybe do something to ease my legs, because they fucking hurt, I hate and love sprinting, I'm good at it, but it hurts so badly afterwards!

Then I'll fall asleep, because tomorrow it's Thursday, one of the better days of the week. 

One last thing, when I didn't ate, today, while sports, I just felt heavy.

I don't know why, but just like, heavy. 

Maybe it was me, feeling my actual weight. 

Check the skeletons you carry in you closet before you judge the monsters under my bed.