Spidey

It's not seven am yet  and there are two parts of me that arguing whether should I eat.
One says that I should for pre-practice, so I won't be hungry there.
The other says that I never done it before, and I really don't want to do that, so I shouldn't.
It's pretty much CO and BED against logic.
I'm going to logic.
I shouldn't eat when I never ate before practice, and I shouldn't eat if I don't want to, I'll just feel shit afterwards if I do, and I don't want to.
This passover was completely dedicated to forget everything, who I am, what I do, why I do.
It was mostly like trying to get rid of my insecurities, which did obviously not work.
I won't consider it working if all I did was checking others' bodies and comparing, and I won't consider it if from the stress I constantly played with my fingers in order to relief it, I won't consider it working if all I wanted all the time is to come back home, because the outside is too scary, I won't consider it working if I can't be around people because I can't manage a normal conversation, or stopping it because I think I sounded too XYZ.
I think I just got worst thanks to that.

Oh please, the sentence is correct if he meant to what he meant!
I'm reading an article about Israel-US relationship, and what's about the visas, Israel want to be a visa-free traveling country to the US, which can be great, 90 of staying there.
I wonder how many people will try to use that for living there.

A model died at 25.
Might be drugs, or a suicide attempt, or her heart just stopped beating because of something really stupid.

Sarah is a fucking stupid asshole, and I'm not even kidding!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx-spe-82w4
It's the assaulted girl, the one with the Google Glass.
She's such a bitch!
She's talking rudely about people, out loud, and her attitude is so fucking awful!

Well, now it's seven thirty, I'm going to dress up, get ready, and go on my way, today I might go today for a movie with Maya S (She lost weight, and I didn't, but she looked thicker, so I might be safe, but most chances are that I will be a mess near her, and I'll just suck in my stomach and sit in uncomfortable positions to make myself to seem thinner so I won't worry about it), and maybe not, so I'll make the homework.

I'm so scared from the movie right now, how can I enjoy a movie if all I'll feel is this stress because everybody thinks about how fat I am when they come inside.
I'd look like a feedee in front of them.

I'm at forty eight now.
I really want to lose in the two-day trip I'm going to have in this end of the month, I don't want to, I really don't want to, but I'm forced to go.
I really hate nature, and insects (spelled that correctly without writing incest!) and people.
It frightens me.

I would love staying home.
Can somebody help me with breaking a limb?
Please?

Let's fake a tumor, maybe it'll work.

I hate those trips, only Ram is fun, unless if I'll have some breakdown, or I'll be shy, and then it won't be fun, I'm going out to the living room, it's eight, I got thirty minutes and I'm out (I just don't like to be late), goodbye!


I'm home, I watched The Amazing Spider-Man 2, I enjoyed it as much as I could, I managed to think only few times about how thin a person looks in the movie, which is good.
I started to feel bad about myself when I went to the toilet, some tall girl with very thin legs was in there, around my age, she was an ugly blonde version of Daniela, Daniela is pretty with her black hair, and Daniela's face is pretty.

I'm restarting my iPhone, I need to get rid of some annoying "other" memory .
It helps!
It works!
Now this is what I consider working.

A bit at a time, but it'll be epic!
I'll be finally able to put too much music!
Fuck it!
I could put movies!
NO! BETTER!
I COULD FINALLY USE MY FUCKING PHONE.
0.3 Giga at a time!
It's great!

I'm making my sim-legacy.
I told you about it up to gen 4.
I'm building now my sim, named after my pet-ant (may it rest in piece in the heaven of the ants)/

GAH.
It's not a shortcut or a code, it's the most appropriate sound.
Did not work.

....

I fucking hate this action I take each time I'm feeling this way.
When people are mad at me, or that I feel bad about something that involves communicating and usually listening to people, I just put my headphones on and increase the volume's level.
I don't even want to do it.
Same with today, since I held something in my hands, I couldn't just play with my fingers or crack my finger joints, instead my hands just started shaking, like a frightened person would react, now, this is not social anxiety disorder.
Because, well, that's just SAD.
This is one of my better puns!
But seriously, I'm just overreacting.
I always am.
So it's not different, just me, being overdoing another thing.
It's awful, but it's like just ticking another bucket list shit.

I wonder - why in this movie with the girl who wanted to grow up fast, with those milestones, she didn't have any mental illness one?
I'm watching it now.
It's a wonderful to waste an evening.
The name of the movie is Girl in Progress.

I can't wait for seeing her plan.

Oh I love her presentation!

Now, I'm in the part after the lesson, "being a kid is stupid and I'm moving on"

1. Sweet straight arrow girl.
2. Disappoint people and hanging around bad girls, become dark and rebellious.
3. Get a bad boy and lose virginity to the most insensitive buff guy.
4. Bus to adult ville and DONE!

I admire this movie.
This is better than every psychological film that tries to make parents understand their kids, through every single phase.
It's better than all those bullshit written by psychologist shit.
Psychology degrees is just really stupid in my opinion.
"Oh, you had a mental illness? Great, you will understand better your patients!"
"Oh, you had a bad childhood? Great, you will understand better your patients!"
It seems like bullshit to me.

To my blasting death metal phase!
I love this movie.

Mom fails to see.

Ahahahaha!
Hilarious.
I fucking hate that phase.
You just sit there, in fucking tears, learning and admiring behaviours (some drugs, some having fun with nicotine, some demonstrate ed behaviour, and so many other things to do!) and nobody is there.
Now, there are people who are normal and they go and talk to their friends and parents, and it's fucking over.
And there are people who are master-depressers to be (I'll never get rid of this title for the people behind those depressing blogs, the ones who show guys taking their shirt off, full of self-inflicted wounds, and calling themselves monster, and people are telling that they are not, like a fucking attention whore's profile picture with a caption of "I'm so effing uglay!") who will lock themselves inside the internet.
I just googled "I'm bullied. What sh`ould I do?" and since that moment, I got to stips, and continued, went to tags I've seen before, emo was one for fucking sure.
I saw self harm, learned it, learned to love it, and I promised myself to not cut until fourteen and not commit suicide by sixteen, you know it didn't go by the plan.
It started with shaving my arms after people bullying me about them (after a fucking year of bullying, and telling me I'm ugly and alike), and I saw that I accidentally cut myself, because I didn't felt it, I told myself that I might try doing the self harm (that I was very into at the time) and I started, in the back of the wrist, from there after couple of back cuts, to the wrist, three, placing my head on the cabinet/closet we had and taking a picture, loving the feeling.
I enjoyed it, and went there.
It was my way to cope at some part, without it I couldn't live.
Too bad it ended.
It's harder to be outgoing and happy now.

Okay, I looked for some good layering for my shirts in the winter.
I looked for striped shirts on Ebay.
I like the thin stripes better, but they are usually unequal, so nevermind.
For now, this is a title I found.

NYC Long Sleeve PUNK GOTH Emo mime Stripe Striped Shirt Black White S M L XL

Don't you love Ebay....?

Tavita took weight loss pills and almost died.
Fucking lovely.
If committing suicide was that easy, I was probably dead already, by mistake.

...

I'm sketching now something.
Before putting it in here, I wonder how does a punk goth emo mime looks like...
Some questions are better left unanswered...

It's kind of guys in prison.
Now that I notice it, it's kind of like in Misfits, the hair part, curly girl is in the middle, while the long haired one is leaning on hair, and curly guy, which is in the left, and another guy is leaning on him.
I still need to put some more in the right part.
The line there is kind of for placing where I put the concrete bench-stair.

Okay, I'm not sure if I published it or not (checking).
I did not.
So here you go.

I had this screenshot for a while, it was on the Halloween episode in Angel City (WHY DON'T THEY HAVE IT IN ENGLISH?!), and I assume you understand the costumes.
Just to be honest again and clear things up, if I didn't watch Batman movies that include the Joker as the main villain (every superhero needs couple of villains, so it won't be boring, and they'll be able to make some epic comics episode where the villains unite, and the hero will be stuck, and then ka-pow and the hero won again), I wouldn't know what is this costume, I assume that I would have guessed t as some Mad Hatter without hat on, but that's because my idea of Mad Hatter is quite inspired by the book too much, like, big lips, and really weird and messy hair, and I don't know what.

I want to watch Transcendence.
I have no idea how you spell it, I just tried my best and googled that up.
It looks epic.
And I want to home-watch (or I'll be desperate and go to the cinema by myself) A Long Way Down.
It's about (I'm not giving you spoilers, it's in the text summary and in the trailer!) four people, almost committing suicide in the building with the highest suicide attempt (or success?) rates, in the day with the highest suicide rates, they all meet, and convince each other to not kill themselves, they become famous, and are pretty much nice.
You can write A Long Way Down and watch the trailer in your language, on Youtube of course.

Something about the blonde girl reminds me the actress that played Sylvia, probably just something in the face.
I got problems with remembering people, so I found a way to remember them, and I can get confused because two details are similar.
It sucks, so that's why I'm really confused and need explanation and I'm "OH! Is that him/her?!" because once you change something, I'm dumbfounded.

Well I decided that I should start writing you what I purchased today!
Nirvana's In Utero, Joy Division's Closer, The Killers' Hot Fuss (the clerk pointed on the album and said it's a good one, he's right), and Genesis' Foxtrot.
I like my recent purchases.
I'm afraid that I'll be addicted to buying it.
For now, I think I'm going to enjoy with my 315 songs.
I used to have once around 430~ songs, then I reduced to 290~, and then to 265~, and now it's 315.
I know it's a tilde, and not what I wanted to write which is approximately equal.
GUYS I SPELLED IT CORRECTLY.

From six to nine!
Now it's about eleven layers, one empty, and one for the line, the rest for the guys.
I need to pick lighting.
From front?
From top?
If from front, will the light come out of a cell, or outside one? Will there be any bar shadows?

Okay, I need to understand how can I make my fingernails be sharp as a claw.
It's already strong, so if I'd put on it nail polish, it'll be like fucking wolverine claws.

Sketch explained.
From left to right!
A male, leaning on somebody, colors to be: ?
A male, crouched, one leg semi-straight, other almost completely folded, curly hair, colors to be: dark-gray-black hair, darkish olive skin.
A female, one leg off bench the other behind the guy she's in front of, straight hair, colors to be: jet black hair, yellowish-orange skin.
A female, sitting/standing (I don't know) on knees and calves only, not in the uploaded but hands on hips, curly hair, colors to be: black-brown-red hair, dark skin.
Female: TO BE DELETED, INSTEAD, a male, sitting and leaning forwards toward POV spot, colors to be: ? hair, tan skin.
A male, sitting, one leg held by both hands, folded towards chest, the other on the bench, folded, feet are close, colors to be: ? hair, white skin.
A female, "Barbie" (the only one with a name) heels, bubble gum balloon in mouth, barbie measurements, sitting, one hand on bench, the other in air (not like in the picture), both legs to the right side on the bench, colors to be: blonde hair with brown roots, tan orangish skin, pink bubble gum.
A male, lying down, resting head on palms, colors to be: red-orange hair, pale peach skin.
A male, lying down, arms supporting the body in a 45 degree angle, legs are hanging off from the bench, hair pushed back, colors to be: black hair, dark-ish skin.

I'm done.
I got three females, and six males.
I'm going to continue tomorrow even more, I guess I'll start with the liner