Questionable

I don't want to go to school today.

I got not reason to want to. 

Why would anyone want to?

Just to drag my heavy body up the stairs to sit for a whole period and just wait for something to happen, and then down the stairs, and another long boring period, and then there's the break, and if just sit there, with my phone, trying to avoid people, and succeeding at avoiding food, then a couple of more periods, even stairs every once in a while, and repeating it all, until complete seven hours passed, then I need to stay there, for an extra hour, usually, afterwards excresising for an hour, and then going to make homework with Yael, and as much as she's a good friend she is, I don't want to leave home. 

I just want to stay in bed. 

And remain in that position forever. 

Maybe I'd practice with my noses, or eyes, or eye-nose-lip proportions. 

Maybe the art of selfies and attempt suicide in the moment I'll figure that I can't have the perfect selfie. 

Maybe I'd just cry. 

Actually, I got a reason. 

I'd be able to fast. 

And that's fucking sad. 

I make myself confront an everyday chore that seems like a hell to me, only so I can skip a fucking meal, so I could maybe be thinner, an most chances that I won't be. 

I don't know what to do. 

I want to fast, a lot. 

But I'm partly paralyzed by the idea of going to school. 

I want to cry in there, indefinitely. 

But I don't allow myself to cry, as I see it as an action of weakness. 

....


Guys, I want to say something.
I didn't go to school today.
I asked my mother if I can just not come today, she approved.
She also mentioned that not eating vitamins can cause depression after I said I don't want a peach.
And she set me a blood test for the coming Wednesday.
Why wouldn't she, after all, my diet includes mostly watermelons, flavoured seiten with hummus and a pita, occasionally tofu, and that's it, sometimes I need to force my tastebuds to suffer under something that isn't very delicious.
I hope that I become like Daniela when it comes to tastebuds.
This girl is fucking 1.70 and she weighs 40.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Is it that weird and sad that I surround myself with severely underweight females only to be inspired to not eat.
I felt today the weakness in my body, from the uncontrollable eating of not eating on the weekdays and gorging on the weekends.

In other news, I wanted to visit stips, so I did.
I looked in the teenagers tag.
Love it.
It includes so many lovely stories!
And the names!
Only by the names you know the person's personality.
I'm in the make-up-for-school area, one girl's name was Never_let_you_steal_my_coffin and it seemed surprisingly familiar, I assumed it was Coffin of Black Veil Brides (if this girl got a polyvore account, I'd love that, I could bully her in my blog!), I got in confirmed by another person writing on her wall "bvb <3".

I'm reading about the Arses (I know it's another word for butts, the other option is greaser, and I never heard about it before, so we'll stay with ars).
People mostly call the posers, for the making a pose and a scene.
Everybody hates them anyway, you don't have to convince others.

In some way you can say that I'm one as well.
My roots are the same that the arses "worship".
I have a dark skin.
I'm short.
I have big thighs.
I hear loud music until the wee hours.
I'm interested in piercings.
I'm desperate for my favorite bands and singular artists to perform in my area.
I'm not spitting, but I assume that making burp/fart-fights with my siblings is something.. Right?
I hate reading books.
I learn Arabic.

I'm done, the funny thing is that most of those parts, are from another reason and/or have another meaning!

I just love the tags Teenagers and Depression combined.
It's so funny!
And sad in some way... After all, this is generation Z, and I belong to there, and as how it seems, we are awful, not that X is any better.
"Great really thanks! Because of some kid that cussed me here I'm depressed! I'm crying! What to do?"
Commenters are trying to soothe her.
My opinion?
Stop being such an over-emotional over-reactive cunt and grow the fuck up.

Okay.
I'm surprised... You are very determined, and you are centered at your goal, which is good, not in this direction, but good in general.
"I started to cut myself yesterday... Since then I've cut myself on the face and on my legs and today I tried to hang myself... Oof I'm tired of it!"
But if you can't hang then...
Just kidding, I'm not in the mood for taking lyrics and take them out of their meanings.
It's not about suicide anyway...
FUCK.
What have I done?!
Don't you hate the fact that one's depressing illogical lyrics can be stuck at your ehad?
AND THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW THIS PERSON DOESN'T HELP.

And it's about the time to say: I hate adults and adulthood.

And to say: We are going to set this place on fire, even if we don't want to, it's the curse of generation Z.

Goodnight.

Maybe.

Hope so.