Triggers are wonderful, aren't they? They make you feel like you have to do something, and you'll probably remember it for a very long time, and you'll be perform you own act that was triggered.
I have no reasonable explanation of why I felt triggered when my mother guessed correctly my weight (47-48 was her guess), I have no idea why!
Well, actually, maybe it's because I can't poop (too much information warning does not apply to this blog, unless were talking about movies and books!) and I set myself back after Passover when I gained all my lost weight.
I feel like absolute poop.
Guys, I canceled a play date (giggling because how stupid it sounds) because I want to run and cycle today.
RIDICULOUS.
....
Wow, you'll write that my bmi is 20.5.
I am not 48.1 (that's debatable) and I'm CERTAINELY not 153 cm!
If she measured my height accurately then I would be a girl with a really pretty BMI number of 20.0.
It makes me feel like an obese beached whale (in my opinion, every animal should have a BMI) with my numbers wrong.
I want to get to below 19 again, like when I was at my lowest.
I'm going to excresise today, hopefully that I'll get a permission to, and hopefully that it'll help.
I guess I'll cycle to the stadium, I'll run for a while, I'll run until I think that it's enough by Map My Run, and I know that it's be for a long while, because long cardio got a great after-burn effect which is what I'm aiming for.
If is still have energy, then I'd make some HIIT.
If my parents question me about it, I'd say that I want to practice for our 2km run.
Sounds fairly legitimate.
...
Well, I didn't run today, why? I had to go to the Kabria (who knows, maybe, I'll have a slight chance for going to Hungary with them) and at first I felt so self conscious, and I'm not even sure why, but when Michael came I felt better, same with when I saw Gal (A, the super tall one, not the amazing girl who moved from our school) , I just feel more comfortable with guys about my body.
I guess I'm just stuck in the bubble of "girls are too judgemental and loud about it", while I am just as (and if not -then more) judgemental.
I've set so many weight loss goals that it's fucking sad.
35 is one of them (but for my own sanity and health, I think I won't get so down), but pants sizes (that aren't kid sizes, *sad and nervous giggle*) is euro sized 26-28, it's because on some modelling site, they required a model with those stats.
That's weird.
I also got to get down to 40, just to beat up some anorexic girl in the competition of weight loss.
It pissed me off when they said about how dangerously low was her weight, it wasn't that low, the fact that she was willing to destroy herself in order to achieve something is fucked up.
....
I got issues with Trust's tablets and Windows 8.
I wasted 30 minutes for blogging or drawing (if it worked!) on trying to get the tablet and the computer to respond properly.
I WANT TO CRY.
I am furious inside but I'm smiling on the outside.
WHY DO I EVEN REACT THIS WAY?!
Well, I'm tired of promises.
Goonight.
...
Well, I didn't run today, why? I had to go to the Kabria (who knows, maybe, I'll have a slight chance for going to Hungary with them) and at first I felt so self conscious, and I'm not even sure why, but when Michael came I felt better, same with when I saw Gal (A, the super tall one, not the amazing girl who moved from our school) , I just feel more comfortable with guys about my body.
I guess I'm just stuck in the bubble of "girls are too judgemental and loud about it", while I am just as (and if not -then more) judgemental.
I've set so many weight loss goals that it's fucking sad.
35 is one of them (but for my own sanity and health, I think I won't get so down), but pants sizes (that aren't kid sizes, *sad and nervous giggle*) is euro sized 26-28, it's because on some modelling site, they required a model with those stats.
That's weird.
I also got to get down to 40, just to beat up some anorexic girl in the competition of weight loss.
It pissed me off when they said about how dangerously low was her weight, it wasn't that low, the fact that she was willing to destroy herself in order to achieve something is fucked up.
....
I got issues with Trust's tablets and Windows 8.
I wasted 30 minutes for blogging or drawing (if it worked!) on trying to get the tablet and the computer to respond properly.
I WANT TO CRY.
I am furious inside but I'm smiling on the outside.
WHY DO I EVEN REACT THIS WAY?!
Well, I'm tired of promises.
Goonight.
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