Today, I felt like absolute shit after being told by another teacher that I should try harder, even though that in her subject, my grades are around 82.
Isn't it funny? I find it extremely amusing since the only problem in my tests, that happened a lot and repeated itself all through the year, was my confusion between plus and minus, sometimes I'd put one where I shouldn't put it, so it's like a specific problem, not overall issue.
I felt quite insulted for it.
I mean really? Each time I finish the work first, because I'm good, in fact, I'm great, and only in tests I get confused between the pluses and the minuses.
Without that problem, I would probably get straight fucking A's.
It was one thing where the History teacher said it, even though that I think she's too mad without her nicotine supplier, but she took points away from my grade because when I described a feature of the renaissance's sculpting I wrote "nudity" and she told me that she wants a full sentence.
What the fuck? Nudity - the body naked?! What the hell?
If she meant "nudity- at the renaissance they glorified the beauty of the human body and the style was very common" then who the hell would think about that in time?
That's why I hate history in school.
I'd rather learn more about the samurais, simply because the Japanese thinking is very different than what is common in our area.
For example, the meaning of losing or not being the best, or in other words, bringing shame to the family, you will expect suicide there, while in our (considerably western) you'd expect to the bringer to be cheered up by his family.
......
I love Youtube.
Some transformation stuff.
I'm wondering, why in my school there aren't any people who dress like that everyday.
It'd make me so fucking happy.
For example, this video.
I need to find more dark skinned youtubers, it's quite sad that all I do is watch people who are white and pale, and then there's me, remembering the main reason that I was bullied, my skin color, it still makes me hate myself, it's probably why my self esteem is low.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it, I thought about bleaching, but imagine having a family member to see you, weirdly colored.
So I'm probably going to use some lemon juice or something and just continue attempt to look ill and pale thanks to the fucking eating disorder I'm hunting for.
Okay, I just started thinking about labeling, my inability to label stuff, even like normal stuff (for example, the contents of my drawers, which I have like four drawers that are pretty much the same, and one that's for my scale and hiding it) and I started thinking about my blog's tags, which doesn't exist!
I remember doing it on my first Play It with the pathetic tags.
Currently, I don't do tags, because I'm lazy and they won't describe the blog and the posts well.
I can't describe the blog, that's why my description is "Don't ask." I love using this sentence, it's a common one, you usually say it after something had happened and you try to explain it, for example "Phew! I just had the worst Xyz in the world!" "Why?" "Don't ask, it was xyzxyz...", and it also was a line in the chorus of a song I liked a lot on the ninth grade, it was about two little kids, pranking and messing up with everyone, and their excuse was that wolfie the fox told them to do it, it was like "Don't ask, don't ask, that what wolfie said, wolfie the fox!" and it sounds better in English.
Another song in Hebrew that I like that's more towards children, is a song that freely translated means "don't want to grow up" which is kind of listing why he doesn't want to grow up, it's a quite poppy song that nobody actually listens to the lyrics, it happened on the song "Children is Happiness" and everybody knows the chorus, but the lyrics, wow! It's so funny in my opinion, it's like some sort of a politic song, kind of complaining about the group that has so many kids (harcore jews that are almost considered to be pagans , as I call them) and that they expect the government to pay for them.
I start to find good Hebrew music as the time passes.
Okay, I was looking for alternative fashion youth, and after two videos I found this.
So, I was looking for that article, and one thing stood out to me, because it's the first time seeing it.
The internet has many sites dedicated to Emo fashion (dyed black hair brushed over your face, layering, black, black, black), Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance), Emo conversation (sighing, wailing, poetry).
Is it just me that got used for the other stuff but was very surprised about Green Day being emo?
I don't think that anything of it is emo.
I didn't expect the mentioning of Kurt Cobain.
But, it's understood, well, somewhat understood.
Emos have a strong arts graduate bias and are among the few that read poetry (if only of the romantic, morbid kind).
Let me tell you about something romantic and morbid, half of it should be age restricted, but the necrophiliac poem I once read in the Creepypasta wiki. Wow. No.
It was so romantic and morbid, it made you wonder, what the hell, and then you read the comments, hearing about males masturbating and climaxing to these words.
I just read it, and I'm just like, wow.
What the hell, you know that it's quite unfair to blame youth under puberty for their behaviour, neurochemicals suck, and hormones are even worse.
My ten days of pills and another week for period and recovery from it is not really under my control, and I won't wonder if it happened to others as well, I just forgot the name, in around two weeks I'd look for it again.
That's what my life is currently about, month after month of pure hormones, and lots of it, and I guess that's the only thing that keeps my blog alive, medication from doctors that specialize in women health.
That's... lovely...
I'm now sitting in a different position on my bean bag, with the great air conditioner that's chilling my sweaty face, and my sleeve that I use now as a headband (just to get all of it away), and I'm sweaty after an epic game with my sister, that included a ball and epic movements and chasing our brother every once in a while.
If we'd keep up this way, I can imagine my brother turning to be like us, epic.
Epic who hears Lady Gaga and loves it, and...
My sister, maybe I forgot telling you, but she's starting puberty.
For me it's so fun.
I watch her experiencing the first stages.
My mother said that I was really nothing compared to her, that I was like a preparation, like a teaser trailer, and she's the real thing.
For me it's great, you know how the younger siblings are going to ask their older siblings for growth help.
And I know it from years above years of stories, told by other big brothers and sisters.
And they know I'd take care for them, why? Because they've seen me.
Okay, another topic as I'm watching some ridiculous movie (I have no idea what happened, all I know that I have weird videos open), but why do they smoke? Lung cancer is a quite awful thing to get, the government and the fucking taxes are paying for your damn self-destructive behaviour.
Oh, okay, I like what they are saying.
Just another thing I noticed, why do you wear black nail polish? It's just so hard to maintain?
I don't understand girls who does that.
I know I did it, but I remember stopping because people were interested.
That was... well, interesting?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHkEo8ZuoxU
And the sequel!
I just wonder, are they sarcastic?
I really wonder if they are.
I never had hope with bitter anti-everything adults, and it's a proof, look on Daily Mail.
I wonder if Pastor Schimel wrote it, it does sound like him.
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I was just... amazed.
How the fuck am I supposed to understand.
You know what?
I love that in every damn article, it's so fucking hilarious.
I just remember that article with the 1000+ comments.
Wow it was magical.
I wonder if every single (2008) emo kid is actually that stupid.
Their grammar is awful, they are too "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU" attitude, and they are so self-pitying,
They demand to be kicked with all of their bullshit.
I'm really tired of every single bullshit people think that matters.
And here I am, complaining all of my unimportant words, and being all over-emotional and over-dramatic, I just love irony.
Tomorrow I was supposed to go with Yael, to eat after school is over.
She cancelled it.
Oh well, more being alone to me!
........
I just made a gif that I'd need in the future.
Professor Exposition! Explainer of things!
I'm so glad that I have this blog for doing that shit.
I might open a tumblr one day, because how easy it is to put it in multiple pieces and share it, but for now, I'm keeping on writing here, mostly because I find this better.
Well, I'm going to sleep soon, and it means this post have came to it's end.
Goodnight.
This post is quite shorter than the other posts in the past couple of days, today it was only above a thousand, and in the past two days there was one post of over four thousand words and another of over three hundred words.
Oh well.
Oh okay, it's sad...
But I understand, I truly understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkpUyB2xgTM
These kids are just like me.
And it breaks my heart.
Because they learned to hate black and love white.
It's what we learn to do, and on their teen years, they will hate themselves.
Serious self-loathing that might end up in suicide.
And I understand it, it's so sad.
Instead of therapy just give me a shit ton of skin bleaching and send me to another place.
I have this urge to hurt myself again, because of that.
It's awful, I know, but ever since my birth, everybody told me that the lighter the better, I was brainwashed to hate myself, and people fucking wonder why do I want to hurt myself, and I feel constantly ugly and disgusting and....
Oh...
I can't even do it anymore.
I hate myself so much because of that skin, it brought me so much pain in the past years.
I require to be set free.
Oh fuck.
I can't stand myself, my skin, my personality, I just can't wait to be able to do the things that I want.
The pressure is getting worse everyday.
Maybe one day I'd be better, out of the vicious puberty stage.
Currently, I don't do tags, because I'm lazy and they won't describe the blog and the posts well.
I can't describe the blog, that's why my description is "Don't ask." I love using this sentence, it's a common one, you usually say it after something had happened and you try to explain it, for example "Phew! I just had the worst Xyz in the world!" "Why?" "Don't ask, it was xyzxyz...", and it also was a line in the chorus of a song I liked a lot on the ninth grade, it was about two little kids, pranking and messing up with everyone, and their excuse was that wolfie the fox told them to do it, it was like "Don't ask, don't ask, that what wolfie said, wolfie the fox!" and it sounds better in English.
Another song in Hebrew that I like that's more towards children, is a song that freely translated means "don't want to grow up" which is kind of listing why he doesn't want to grow up, it's a quite poppy song that nobody actually listens to the lyrics, it happened on the song "Children is Happiness" and everybody knows the chorus, but the lyrics, wow! It's so funny in my opinion, it's like some sort of a politic song, kind of complaining about the group that has so many kids (harcore jews that are almost considered to be pagans , as I call them) and that they expect the government to pay for them.
I start to find good Hebrew music as the time passes.
Okay, I was looking for alternative fashion youth, and after two videos I found this.
So, I was looking for that article, and one thing stood out to me, because it's the first time seeing it.
The internet has many sites dedicated to Emo fashion (dyed black hair brushed over your face, layering, black, black, black), Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance), Emo conversation (sighing, wailing, poetry).
Is it just me that got used for the other stuff but was very surprised about Green Day being emo?
I don't think that anything of it is emo.
I didn't expect the mentioning of Kurt Cobain.
But, it's understood, well, somewhat understood.
Emos have a strong arts graduate bias and are among the few that read poetry (if only of the romantic, morbid kind).
Let me tell you about something romantic and morbid, half of it should be age restricted, but the necrophiliac poem I once read in the Creepypasta wiki. Wow. No.
It was so romantic and morbid, it made you wonder, what the hell, and then you read the comments, hearing about males masturbating and climaxing to these words.
I just read it, and I'm just like, wow.
What the hell, you know that it's quite unfair to blame youth under puberty for their behaviour, neurochemicals suck, and hormones are even worse.
My ten days of pills and another week for period and recovery from it is not really under my control, and I won't wonder if it happened to others as well, I just forgot the name, in around two weeks I'd look for it again.
That's what my life is currently about, month after month of pure hormones, and lots of it, and I guess that's the only thing that keeps my blog alive, medication from doctors that specialize in women health.
That's... lovely...
I'm now sitting in a different position on my bean bag, with the great air conditioner that's chilling my sweaty face, and my sleeve that I use now as a headband (just to get all of it away), and I'm sweaty after an epic game with my sister, that included a ball and epic movements and chasing our brother every once in a while.
If we'd keep up this way, I can imagine my brother turning to be like us, epic.
Epic who hears Lady Gaga and loves it, and...
My sister, maybe I forgot telling you, but she's starting puberty.
For me it's so fun.
I watch her experiencing the first stages.
My mother said that I was really nothing compared to her, that I was like a preparation, like a teaser trailer, and she's the real thing.
For me it's great, you know how the younger siblings are going to ask their older siblings for growth help.
And I know it from years above years of stories, told by other big brothers and sisters.
And they know I'd take care for them, why? Because they've seen me.
Okay, another topic as I'm watching some ridiculous movie (I have no idea what happened, all I know that I have weird videos open), but why do they smoke? Lung cancer is a quite awful thing to get, the government and the fucking taxes are paying for your damn self-destructive behaviour.
Oh, okay, I like what they are saying.
Just another thing I noticed, why do you wear black nail polish? It's just so hard to maintain?
I don't understand girls who does that.
I know I did it, but I remember stopping because people were interested.
That was... well, interesting?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHkEo8ZuoxU
And the sequel!
I just wonder, are they sarcastic?
I really wonder if they are.
I never had hope with bitter anti-everything adults, and it's a proof, look on Daily Mail.
I wonder if Pastor Schimel wrote it, it does sound like him.
How the fuck am I supposed to understand.
You know what?
I love that in every damn article, it's so fucking hilarious.
I just remember that article with the 1000+ comments.
Wow it was magical.
I wonder if every single (2008) emo kid is actually that stupid.
Their grammar is awful, they are too "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU" attitude, and they are so self-pitying,
They demand to be kicked with all of their bullshit.
I'm really tired of every single bullshit people think that matters.
And here I am, complaining all of my unimportant words, and being all over-emotional and over-dramatic, I just love irony.
Tomorrow I was supposed to go with Yael, to eat after school is over.
She cancelled it.
Oh well, more being alone to me!
........
I just made a gif that I'd need in the future.
Professor Exposition! Explainer of things!
I'm so glad that I have this blog for doing that shit.
I might open a tumblr one day, because how easy it is to put it in multiple pieces and share it, but for now, I'm keeping on writing here, mostly because I find this better.
Well, I'm going to sleep soon, and it means this post have came to it's end.
Goodnight.
This post is quite shorter than the other posts in the past couple of days, today it was only above a thousand, and in the past two days there was one post of over four thousand words and another of over three hundred words.
Oh well.
Oh okay, it's sad...
But I understand, I truly understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkpUyB2xgTM
These kids are just like me.
And it breaks my heart.
Because they learned to hate black and love white.
It's what we learn to do, and on their teen years, they will hate themselves.
Serious self-loathing that might end up in suicide.
And I understand it, it's so sad.
Instead of therapy just give me a shit ton of skin bleaching and send me to another place.
I have this urge to hurt myself again, because of that.
It's awful, I know, but ever since my birth, everybody told me that the lighter the better, I was brainwashed to hate myself, and people fucking wonder why do I want to hurt myself, and I feel constantly ugly and disgusting and....
Oh...
I can't even do it anymore.
I hate myself so much because of that skin, it brought me so much pain in the past years.
I require to be set free.
Oh fuck.
I can't stand myself, my skin, my personality, I just can't wait to be able to do the things that I want.
The pressure is getting worse everyday.
Maybe one day I'd be better, out of the vicious puberty stage.
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