That post makes me look moody....

I used to have an active pro-ana kik group, around six months ago.
I opened it last night, and asked how are they.
One girl, who was almost always active answered that she's okay, and asked me the same, I replied with that I'm fine and proceeded to ask what I wanted to know, how it was ed-wise.
And she said something that shocked me, she got hospitalized.
I was partly jealous (I wish I got hospitalized, I'm too fat for being anything) and partly curious, so I proceeded to ask, it took her a while to respond, and I saw her answer when I woke up.
That incredible girl, attempted suicide, and all because of me, of normalizing anorexia to her.
What have I done?!
Why am I killing everybody?!
Why do I hurt everybody?!
It's my fault, she almost died from her own choice, only because that I told her that killing yourself slowly is alright.

I'm sorry, but right now, I have a really weird inappropriate thought.
What if those news affected me badly, would I develop anorexia?
That'd be amusing, won't it?

And I know that I'm not seeming to take it hard.
Two reasons, first, she wasn't as close as people I see daily are, if I see you daily, I know you, I understand your moods, I can fucking sympathize with you, and the second, is because I never wanted to get emotionally detached with certain people.

In other news, less depressing, and nicer.
It's an article, about that the youth (birth and to until twenty something) and especially the teens and tweens (they stab, they rape, they murder, they cause terror events, they have a very sexual relationship with celebrities, so they should probably cause all the other problems) can't spell correctly thanks to the internet and cellphone slang and shortcuts.
What if I told you, that some people care a lot about it.
I'm sorry, but most kids don't give a single fuck about their language and other languages as well.
When was the last time you saw a girl reading stories and poems, learning different meanings, and origins, simply because she likes it? Even though that it's not my native language.
When was the last time you saw a kid getting frustrated when there aren't a word for "scene" in Hebrew, we need one!
At least we have weird-ass cooking-related words.
I love saying shakes in Hebrew, now, if this word appeared in their psychometric tests, and they are learning or just finished the test, or from any other strange reason, know this word, no problem, considering that most legal-for-work aged kids don't know it, they will look on me like I just came from the moon.

I will give you some of he comments.

I see a lot of people arguing what's better, handwriting or keyboard clicking.
I write on English the fastest, then hand write, I think that English and then Hebrew, simply because that my handwriting is really messy and barely readable on English because how quick I write it, and then Hebrew online typing, but that because I don't do that, I simply hate doing so, I just got used to writing online, and I need a keyboard I can write with my eyes closed, and I just did!

May I tell you a story about me, a nice girl, just kidding, I'm everything but a nice girl, I used to have a friend, right now, she seems dead to me, I know it's my failt, but, that's life, and I got the rest of it to blame myself, right?

The only mistake I had was on fault, which was written as failt, I even did the italic with my eyes closed!


I have so much to say for the comments!

"7. It's all about reading books"

On the original she had a typo, but the point is: IT'S TRUE.
I love reading books, and I enjoy more the original versions, because it's usually including everything (a Hunger Games fanatic told me that on the Hebrew version, a whole chapter was omitted) and I personally find it lovely, you can insult people and sound classy while doing so!
If there's one thing that is common on fights, is the more curses you got, the better you are, books give you the superiority of the insult king.
On a three from the following four, I'll add the name in Italic below the title, because it matters.

"8. Another article that's her purpose is to make the teenagers look bad
Pupil
The teenagers tend to copy on tests, the teenagers are violent, the teenagers drink alcohol. Just an article that's her purpose is to make the teenagers look bad, and criticize it. Enough."

I love it, you have no idea how common it is, I personally don't, as I stress myself about it, and because tests are just to check if you got it all alright in your head and the teacher's job was alright, it's not how smart you are like it matters.
But everything you said is true, even though that not most of them, but it happens enough.
Every place is different, on my area there are the down-to-earth guys and the shufuni guys, which are like preppy, but also like the guys on Sweet Sixteen (the blonde girl with the daddy issues, that went to France, only to pick a fucking dress), it's the worse.
The teenagers are very violent, for the bad side, I'm for the good, in order to punish the ones who deserve all of the pain in the world, and in order to do physical stuff, for example, opening doors in my building, oh, and as a threat.
The teenagers drink alcohol, if you stay enough time within the news, you'd see how bad it is.
I remember the story with Eyal Golan and his father, and the gang rapes, and how not? The language!
Kids on the second grade (when I was a second grader) knew how to say that Barcelona is a son of a whore, which filled the field with clapping, and screaming at the top of their lungs "Barcelona echo the puta", right now, they are seventh graders.
Isn't it adorable.


A comment for comment 8.
"Nobody is trying to make the teenagers look bad
You are doing it greatly by yourself."

His right, after all, we do seem like a disease.
And since that most of the kids enjoy watching Arssy TV shows, and be a part from the acting crew, you don't expect them to think that having sex and getting pregnant and talking vulgarly is not legitimate.
And their parents, their fartsy attitude, brands everywhere, it's not fair.

Another comment for Mister Pupil from number eight!


"Hahahaha
Student
You're a generation of hoes and arsses that lack culture and respect"

It's true, obviously there are exceptions, but from the percentage pie chart, they are the largest bonded culture, imagine, they are probably well below 50, but all the 50+% is divided, to many pieces.


Last comment
"And you - the parents?
Teenager
If you say that we're a generation of "arsses and hoes" it's your fault. You raised us.
And in general, why to generalize? Everybody is hoes and arsses? Absolutely not..
Your education is the one to blame. If you say that we're arsses and hoes - after all you're the ones who raised us to be this way. The education comes from home, remember that...
A teenager that's not an arss."

True, after all, I understood it on some point of my last three years on primary school, I don't remember exactly when, but I understood it.


"10. A fucked up generation...
And to think that those broken Hebrew-ers will rule this country in the future..."

I had no idea how to translate one word, so I assume that you know which one, but it's an adjective, it describes a person that his language is broken and sometimes people who stutter and with simply bad grammar.
A comment to his comment:

"It's because of the "intelligent" like you didn't go to rule it.
You got no permission to sit and whine about it if you didn't do a thing"

I love you, a lot.
People think that they can understand the situation if they aren't in it.
Just like all of the pro-palestine assholes from everywhere but that specific area in the middle east.
The citizens in other muslim countries don't want the palestinians.


A large change in the numbers!

"67. It's not the vocabulary..
It's the stupidity that's spreading in this country that's getting worse as the generations go. The arss culture..."

Another person to love!


...

Okay, remember Band 21 from yesterday?
I read some of their lyrics.
The left winged jazz bands...

I just love those 21 ways to get a 21 profile.
In the comment section, somebody said that somebody once threw an orange on a soldier and said "Bulbasaur I choose you!", and the ages are 18-21 there, just try to understand how ridiculous it is.

Don't you just hate it when you're drawing something that you're absolutely proud of, and suddenly mid-painting, your tablet just decides to not give a fuck about you, and not work?
I didn't even finish with the fairy, even the colors aren't over yet!
I was mid stone, I wanted to draw some plants and crystals all over it, but no, why would I even want to? The tablet doesn't care anyway.

You see that fairy on the side?
It's a pajama shirt from a store named Golf & Co. and I just liked it, so I decided to do something about fairies, after a couple of sketches I didn't like, because that I didn't know how to make it look bearable from that point of view, I drew this.

....

It's not that I hate you...
I simply can't handle you, you're fragile, and I'm known for destroying everything I touch.
I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can with you, but I can't let my shields disappear, ever, even with you.
I'm sorry that I don't always pick up the phone, I'm not very good at talking to people, especially when it comes to a long-term relationships.
Thinking about it, I was alright with making friends, until the discovering.


Okay, some sixteener (I consider that age for the ultimate teenager age, just because of the fact that they reached high school) asked about the army, what mental illnesses or personality disorders would the army reject.
I know that ones that affect the mood aren't allowed (usually because having a gun with euphoric/dysphoric mood person, never ends well, whether it shot itself or shot another) and that insanity and it's friends aren't it as well, antisocial disorders aren't in as well, Narcissism is, Nymphomania, hmm, that could be very interesting.

So far I understand that coming there with blood dripping from my body and talking to an imaginary friend is not a thing that would probably kick me out of there.


I don't want to go out and celebrate my sister's birthday, I hate being outside, too many people can judge me from there, I can't even among many kids, especially if they are younger than me and are shufunis.
I can't even look into the brother of my sister's best friend eyes, and he'll be there, because his sister celebrates as well.
I couldn't look into his eyes ever since his parents got divorced, because then my sister was more around Amit, and I walked sometimes with them, and so did her brother.
I'm sorry, can I just abandon all of my relationship now? Or do I have to wait until I'd die?

I have a question.
What is the normal amount of thinking about death?
I know that for me it's multiple times everyday, even when I'm the happiest I could possibly be, I'd think about it.
Maybe it's just fascination, and maybe it's not.
I know that I won't wait for dying of old age, I got no reason to go through so much pain when I can't function.
But I think about it everyday right now, I know when I'd do that, when I'm at a big risk that will definately scar me for life, I'd rather give up on life.
I know that for me, I'd just cut my left wrist deeply, because of the artery, and the fact that if somebody will see me, the motoric consequences aren't that bad, it's just barely being able to move your hand if it was at the right spot.
And after cutting it, I'd just "nap".
Why? I'd just probably just lose enough blood to become unconscious, and it will all hurt less.
And it's easier to draw the body this way.

I just hope I'd never do that.
That I'd never go to a place that will make me want to do that.



I refused to go with them to the party.
You have no idea how powerful the sensation of dread that filled me was.
I just pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to keep myself calm before I'd break and cry.
I want to die now, I know that it won't get better, you know it too, but we know as well that I'm an optimist liar, without any reason to live.
I just...
Oh wait, I remember why, so it'd hurt less for my family, after all, I don't want to ruin my siblings when they are so young.


I feel a lot better, after hearing that I won't have to go, I became calm.

.............

I don't want to  live anymore.
I don't understand the point of living in a lie.
I can't even stop the super-pink bubble that I live in.
I don't think that I should.
Maybe I should just run away, and fuck the world?


I really hope that all of that bullshit is puberty hormones, because if it's something that won't leave me, fuck it, I'd rather die.
It's not depression that's treatable, we all know that I'm far from that, same with bipolar, because I simply don't have episodes of highs and downs.
I don't even want to do anything.
I can't stand it anymore.
I think that I'm going to draw and die a little from the inside now.

.....


I feel so happy now, I'm glad that the renovation happened, it made the relationship between my sister and I grow tighter, she makes me feel better.
I guess that only because of her I won't kill myself, she doesn't deserve it.
Yet, I want to cut.


I guess that the coming years in this blog will be fun.
Meanwhile, I'm going to keep congratulating smokers with "Happy lung cancer!" and "I wish you get puberty!" to kids I hate.

Have a nice life.