Long post...

Guys, I have to tell you something.

I hate all the views that I get from Israel.

It makes me so stressed and it's really scares me.

At least it's a rational fear...

I'm always sure that the readers are people who know me, and everything that I ever wrote will make them want to harm me.

I have a pretty good reason to, this is how I can express my thoughts and fucking enjoy doing so without the fear that it will be too easy to find and steal and crush me.

It’s not nice of me to do, but if they’d like to see me actually living with them during puberty, then I have to do it.

I got teenage hearts to console in a couple of years from now; and that would certainly be a chore to do from time to time, but I’d love writing about it in here, because it’s just amazing to see people, hurting themselves, merely for the hope that true love can actually occur to them at such a young age.

I can tell you that I’m probably going to just sit with them, helping them to release the sorrows and agony that their overly fragile hearts can contain, while they’re going to eat their very consoling foods, I’m going to continue with the pathetic eating habits, attitudes, and behaviours I acquired during the friendships that I had. Yali with her
“dieting” and being thinner than me and calling herself fat for fishing compliments and the attention she needs so badly after being raised in a family with both her siblings being older than her in around ten years. Gal with her cheeky attitude and her ability to never care about a single thing, her aspirations of life, and her jealousy towards her older sister; Being unhappy with herself (but she never told it, I just had a feeling that she’s not as happy as she acts to be, considering it, it’s not surprising that what happened to her have happened to her) so she’d lie about it and have time with friends.

I’m doing it to myself again and thinking about her, which is truly unhealthy for me.

I’m going to relax now, and then  I’d play sims 3, building the houses, sadly,  I really need to relax because I used to play sims with her…

Anyway for now I can begin with doing all kinds of productive things and…

Never mind, I’m calm! I’m going to sim!

I simmed happily and checked videos (my first intention was to hear music), at first I watched a trailer of a movie named “Restless” which seems like a pretty good drama-chick-flick, then I entered to a suggestion that I saw for quite a while, and there was an advert, seems normal, but the channel’s name was HowToBeScene, and I just had to see it, the music was a dubstep remix for Numb of Linkin Park, and it was so weird!
Now I’m trying to find it!

I have now a variety of opened tabs of videos that explains how to be scene.

Firstly it’s of Yarko Berlinh.
I don’t know what I’m doing now… It doesn’t have much of meaning to me, as they are so poppy and eye catching that they remind me of a sick combination between adhd (yes, the attention deficit disorder with the hyperactivity mingled) to a rainbow to the popular kids from my school (definitely not the cool kids, the cool graders are the ninth graders of last year who danced with Ido B after he danced on the stage, which is a tradition that it’s a ninth grader’s only area, they are awesome).

I have a feeling that I used the word haters now.

I don’t have any, simply because I have no supportive people, because they never say anything (blaming and obviously faked coughs.)

By the necklace I’m cool or calm or surprised or nothing.

It’s funny that I can be in serval emotions without even knowing.

I can be surprised and feel fear all at the same time.

I can feel despair and happy and “romance” (I call it in love) at the same time.

I can be anxious and have mixed emotions (glad that the necklace have the option to let me know that it has no idea what I’m feeling) at the same time.

I can be nervous and harassed at the same time (Yes, because every time that we’re harassed we got to check what our mood necklace says… Logic…)

I’m scraping my moustache area.

Okay, I just got to understand one thing.

Each one with scene/emo/punk/whatever outfits, do you really feel comfortable wearing such an eye catching looks?

You know what would be funny, if I’d show you my winter outfits.

Dark aqua/black/white (even though that the white can make me really nervous) sweater, black leggings or –rarely- jeans that in both options they look exactly the same but the only difference is the sizing, and usually a white/black dry-fit shirt or a plain white shirt, or a black printed shirt, rarely putting my plaid bandana (It would me awesome for spontaneous checkers or chess games) or my hat.

Okay one girl has a scarf that I wanted to buy but I didn’t, it looks like a keffiyeh, and from some reason, I don’t want to cause problems when guards are around, or to be stabbed, or killed.

The situation in Israel is pretty tense.

I know I shouldn’t pick the black and white one, but the other ones wouldn’t fit my dark aqua pullover which is my favourite one.

….

I was at the living room, because that my brother is afraid of being alone.

After finishing reading in Ynet, I went to Nana10, and I went to the Israblog section.

I went to the section that makes me laugh every once in a while “Youth” and I just saw that the youth area is mostly depression blogs, which is pathetic.

I’m sorry, but when an average girl that wants to be internet famous and wants to be inspired by blogs shouldn’t go to blogs that promoting eating disorders, or promotion self-harm, or poems, or anything like this bullshit.

I was starting to pull my hair because it hurts less than knowing that this is the future generation.

They are completely depressing and pathetic.

I know that this blog isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but at least I got some joyful spurts.
I’m glad I’m not full of “my life suckz and everybody hates me” shit.

I’m more like “My life is better than most people’s life and I’m unhappy with it from time to time because I’m under puberty and living in Israel which doesn’t fit me and people around me hate me but find me useful enough to have me around them” which is the optimistic version for what I said before.

They are seriously depressing, guys, the emo kids belong to 2008 and even then they were scene kids in denial.

Now the trend is being a social outcast (I blame Instagram, and Black Veil Brides, as both had a big influence in the last couple of years) and being a damn individual.

Which is funny, you’re quite a mainstream herd of fools instead of each person being unique.

Stupidity will never die…

It’s awful that this is the reality that I live in, but I’m alone in it, and there are a couple of people who will agree, which is a good thing.

You know what surprises me?

You read every post.

That’s weird, and doesn’t make sense; even I would give up after a while.

Anyway, I think I’m going to make fun of the people of the youth group that I hate for being so representative.

My facial expression when I see certain blog names and descriptions look like the hipster Ariel picture.

“The dreamhouse [that was written originally in English]
My scars are deeper than you passions”
Well that’s just lovely.

Okay everything here is beyond stupid.

“WhaTHell [English as well]
The key to happiness is- worry less, live more… I’m far from that”
Why everybody is so damn sad all the time?
Gget your shit together and understand that it’s just fucking puberty that’s messing with you.

I have to check up her age.

Oh, this one is including the classic depression blog themes and both the name and description is in English, just not capitalized properly.

“Temple of Sins
Where the masks go down and the pain shows up.”
I had to add the capitalized letters and the period, by the way, the author’s nickname is “Under My Mask” which isn’t capitalized as well…

Most of them are above eighteen.

That’s not what the “youth” section meant for, I translated it to youth because Teenagers and Children is annoying me.

The funnier thing is that some of them are below eighteen, and well, that sucks.

A blog name that seemed familiar to me at first and I understood from where it came from.

The nickname helped, but I know the lyrics of “Welcome to the Black Parade” well enough.

“Your misery and hate will kill us all”
The description looks like something that I would write, “I have no idea”.

The nickname is that classical “The Killjoy” one.

Which is pretty much a sign for people who know it too; it’s like writing Xana or warrior or Lyoko has a meaning for me but not some of my friends.

The posts in the killjoy’s blog are unbearably short and it’s very grey.

I just said “Wait what?” five times in a row because on her blog she fucking mentioned me “All hail SATAN” which is pretty not kind of me to write this name, but I’m doing it for the rebellious hormonal fucks who read it.

Her twin brother called her a child of satan.

That’s cute.

You know why? Because of the music she listens to.

I wonder what else she listens to, I mean, thrash metal or something?
No, probably just other things that involve screaming and singing; I have some too, you’re not alone, but that’s the problem of having brothers in your age or older; You cannot do anything about it, my brothers know that I’m pretty much the children’s rights speaker.

My father understands it and accepts it that we have a role in decisions, while my mother hates it because she thinks that only the parents should be in charge.

Killjoy says that her brother said that he’ll start to think that she’s suicidal.

She claims that she’s not suicidal and that she thinks about death a lot, maybe more than her peers, but more in the way that it frightens her.

I find it cute.

If death, I’d usually end up thinking about working in the Christian body cleansing and dressing and doing whatever they do, if people would work with me I’d probably mess with them so much that I might just cry from laughing so hard, I just think about taking bodies and scaring them with it.

I think that I can be in every single job, because I will enjoy everything, but I might just be fired as well.

She wears make up!
I don’t understand people who wear makeup if it’s not a part of something or that it looks awesome, but let’s go with it.

I’m just sokka-flailing in my heart right now.

My room is dark again, I’m going to clean up the mess of clothing that I sit on and continue.

Okay, I showered, I wasted some time, and it’s time for blogging again.

It’s really annoying that if I want to see lyrics of a song I have to wait for it to finish and then I can read the material for my posting.

I gave up, I’m going to blog.

That girl likes the colour of black, when she was younger she loved the darkness, it calmed her down and consoled her, she would tuck herself under the blanket and enjoy it.

After she grew up slightly, she loves this colour; she wears it in her clothes and in her make up.

She’s called “emo” “freak” and “Goth” in her new school; they called her these nicknames because they felt intimidated by the colour of her nails and clothes and make up.

She expected it, because her school is a small one, filled with kids that get their confidence from making fun of others; the ones that have that grading looks game.

That was probably my favourite sentence on this post so far “I try to be nice to everyone, and I even remove some make up from my eyes, because they find it ugly. And then I put it back, because I think it’s pretty.” And I find it hilarious, because, well, stand up for yourself and decide what you want to be.

She asks the readers if anybody ever commented on your outer looks, specifically on something, like the black colour, and if so, how did you react?

Okay, another blog, I picked it for the picture which seemed like exactly what I’m looking for (I may be a bully, but I’m a pedantic bully, I put effort to it), in the intro there’s the word hello in Hebrew which is animated, it’s black with silver/grey kisses, skulls, and sparkles; There’s also an Adam Lambert song, which caused me to remember when I heard Adam Lambert for the first time, in Euro Disney, while eating in some place.

I can’t even…

WHY SO MANY PRO ANA BLOGS?!

And it’s labelled under “Girl Blogs”! Since when feminine meant ill and depressing?!

I went to dinner for a while.

I tried to yawn for thirty minutes, only when I came to my room I succeeded.

Now I have multiple yawns.

At least I can yawn again.

My necklace turned to dark blue-purple, the one that means “happy” and “romance” and “despair”; I assume that you can guess what it meant now…

(Despair if it wasn’t obvious enough.)

Anyway, I need to waste my time efficiently.

I get the most productive after nine or so, and I got fifty nine minutes, it’s too many, how many? Fifty nine too many.

Now it’s fifty eight.

I need to do things.

I don’t remember how but now I’m in the Goth section.

I’m going to hunt for new gothic YouTubers!

I found nothing.

I’m going to videos titled “My style evolution” and alike.

You know what amuses me at teenagers (it’s that specific age group) who dye their hair black? That it’s always a damn statement.
Since that I was born with black hair, people assume that it’s a statement as well, and that pisses me off.

I just mouthed (I usually speak/whisper when it’s incredible, like my “wait what?” earlier) “Oh she loved Marilyn Manson this is so lovely”.

I use “lovely” too much, don’t I? I guess that I use it for my epic sarcasm after it was heavily quoted on pro ana people, thanks to Cassie (?) from Skins.

I feel like my eyebrow area is swatting, it makes me want to laugh.

It’s not sweating, but I think something happens inside.

AN UNSUCCESFUL YAWN JUST OCCURRED!

Not again….

It’s like hiccups, just worse.

It’s a hell.

Is it even fair?!

I think I had a successful one.

I’m bored.

I just went to my “bands” folder and I found “Skeleton Kid”, I clicked it; merely wondering what will it be.

I don’t remember ever seeing in me…

Never mind the chorus sounds familiar.

I feel so hipster, it’s so obscure.

I just wanted to hear The Russian Sleep Experiment.

I looked for good theme music for rereading this pasta, but I found a band.

I think I forgot how to yawn properly

Okay, maybe it’s me, but I remember trse way calmer.

My uterus hurts; I might get my period soon.

It seems about right, time wise.

I remember trse being an indie rock band rather than (quoting) “metal; metalcore; groove; heavy; melodic” which is interesting.

Oh, it was released today!

I’m impressed.

I haven’t farted, but it smells like I did…

My life is wonderful, I can fart without farting!

By the way, the song’s name is Alpha.

I’m now hearing somebody named William Control; You know that I have a special priority for people named “William”.

I remember reading an article about love and the professor behind it was named “William”, I enjoyed it more than I should have.

I mean, who got kicked from his school for his public affection project? William from Code Lyoko.

Okay, I’m hearing it, I assume that “Beautiful Loser” have come in great time for me, exactly when I need it to enjoy making fun of people who are blind to the happiness from choice.

Most cases of depression blogs are made by people who aren’t really depressed; this is just plain stereotypical emo kid or something with the same behaviour.

I think I’m going to listen to him more, each song’s name gets better and better!

I’m now listening to “Razor’s Edge”.

Nice intro, very dubstep.

Oh, it’s so suicidal that it makes me laugh.

I’m holding down the sound of my laughter, my brother is sleeping and my sister will need to get some sleep.

I wonder why I never saw his name before…

I wonder if he’s really sarcastic, or he’s real.

You know what; I’m going to watch something that has nothing to do with such things…

In other news that makes sense, I’m going to watch emo kids.

I accidently wrote eni, and it’s a music thing.

I’m going to hear it.

I don’t understand a single word! It’s good!

I’m watching EMO DAD and it’s amazing.

It’s incredibly humorous.

I’m quite scared to see the 08’ emos as parents.

I connected my index finger to my middle finger to my ring finger with the thread that’s connected to the weird green fluff ball, it is fun to write this way, I’m practising for the time that I’d finally break a bone.

So many of my friends broke a bone or opened something, and then there’s me, the one who considers a day productive if weather I hurt my body in some weird way or not.

I’m on episode four.

The fact that they say “god” all the time annoys the shit of me.

My brother used to scream “God please help me” and it pissed me off all the time.

Today he cried and screamed to my mother for ten minutes and it was awful, my sweet revenge was to say his name in different tones for thirty minutes.

It pissed my sister off more than it pissed him off.

Each time that he seemed to be unbothered I continuously tapped his shoulder and got closer to his ear and repeated it.

While searching for something interesting, I found Anna Blue’s So Alone music video.

You probably remember it from the journey to learning about the Finnish legendary band named Studio Killers.

This is simply unbelievable, LPS: The Daily Problems Of EMO Alex!

My sister had a ton of these damn dolls.

I found videos I haven’t ever seen of Onision, it mentioned making out with a cpr doll.

It made me think about Bob the cpr doll that appeared in Yossi Dina show.

I really want to scratch my eyeball, but I will hurt it and I’m afraid of doing it.

I’m just going to ignore it; maybe it’d disappear by itself.

I learned this logic from being bullied when I was three and Squidward.

I learned a lot from Squidward; and it includes my “incredible” musical skills, my choice of musical instruments, and my attitude towards people.

I just raised my arms in fear (and my reaction was delayed, my brain takes time to understand what it sees before I react with fear) from the pop up message from Avast.

I’m breathing in with my nose and just squeeze it with my fingers.

It’s my way to entertain myself silently.

I’m watching “I’m emo” of Messer Linnie while enjoying my entertaining breathing methods.
It’s funny and cute and weird.

Her omg pants.

It’s pink!
I have a pair of pink trousers; it’s my koala pyjama pants! I love them! I want to walk with them on the streets.

I have them also in grey, but they don’t make me as happy as wearing my pink ones.

I miss Yael slightly, not enough to do something about it.

Hell, I miss Gal like crazy but I haven’t done anything about it, so for just slightly missing someone? Pfftttt…. I’m more likely to wear long sleeved shirts than do it!
And if you remember, I hate long sleeved shirts; they remind me of how badly I find my hand disproportionate.

It’s another reason why I hate wearing pullovers like a normal person, it’s or over my hands or pushed back, no in-between.

Oh, I just wanted to say something, my closet organization helped me get some pants that I wouldn’t wear last year because I found them too long for being shorts, and right now I love them… Go figure… Phases and shit…

Seriously, I love now the long shorts.

It makes me feel better…

I really have to pee, but the beanbag is too comfortable, and the toilet is so… far…. Away… Ten meters is too much.

I have a wonderful question for you people…

How am I “emo” when my friend hears all bands that are labelled as emo?

How does that make sense?

I now really have to pee.

I enjoyed it.

I also grabbed a raspberry flavoured ice thing.

I love raspberries.

My affection towards berries can probably come from the fact that finding places that sell fresh berries is rare, but that specific love for raspberries is probably from it being a very common flavour in drinks and popsicles; there is a book named “Raspberry Juice” and the juice concentrate product was my favourite.

I love it, but I just enjoy drinking water more because it doesn’t have after effects and flavorous that juices have.

This reminds me that I should probably refill my ketchup bottle again.

EVERYBODY TALKS SO SLOWLY, I WANT TO THANK GOOGLE FOR ADDING THE SPEED ADJUSTING OPTION.

I enjoy all of these polite people.

I just smell my armpits and let the world know that I find them smelly… Or that I run after my siblings and ask them “DO YOU WANT TO SMELL MY ARMPIT?!” like a maniac.

I’m the sweetest person alive, isn’t it so?

I think that my tooth is about to fall soon!

I have lost count.

I just don’t remember.

Oh, this is so wrong in so many ways, I’m happy I’m in Israel now…

I LOVE EMO GUYS! [13-14 GUYS IM FREE!]

This is wrong and gives an awful names to self-harmers, I’m not a good name giver, but come on, this is just ridiculous.

It’s made by Amber Canipe.

Dark and mysterious people remind me of Tal, the teacher; it would scare the shit out of me.

I’m so glad that I’m not interested in any relationships that include romance with others; just unnecessary heartbreaks and awkwardness and I will have plenty of friends who will voluntarily hurt themselves emotionally for the sake of love.

Amber Canipe’s seriousness makes me laugh.

Laugh and be afraid for everybody in our generation.

She’d soon become a teenager, and from there it gets officially worse.

Imagine a plain emotional girl; now add to it plenty of hormones and bullying and stress.

I wonder how her parents manage her.

I would be pissed if I had a child like that; that’s probably why I don’t really care when my friends tell me that it’s unhealthy that I carry my electronics in my uterus and ovaries area, because I might not be able to have kids.

It doesn’t really matter for me now, or ever.

I’m ruining my body anyway…

I have another yawn session now.

My mother said that stressed people yawn.

I’m calm as always.

There’s an ant on my laptop.

I love ants; Ants and spiders.

I think that ants are probably the only bug that I’m not afraid of, wait, no, caterpillars are nice too.

But I hate butterflies; they are so evil and disgusting.

I attempted to scratch the area behind my ear, it wasn’t scratching, it was violently and mercilessly clawing of skin.

It was just slightly less gore because that my nails are short (but long enough to clean the underside of them), and of course that that’s the reason (smirk and slow and sarcastic nodding)

My knuckles annoy me.

The undersides of my knees are sweating.

It’s annoying and I want to stop sweating in stupid places.

I was starting a yawn and I coughed and it made me laugh and then I coughed again and laughed and coughed and laughed and coughed.

I guess it’s just the monster allergy symptoms…

The thread of my necklace got into my mouth… Oh, it’s awful… That time when I ate an under baked half of a loaf of bread tasted better than this piece of thread.

In a whole another topic, Teen Wolf is starting to be aired in Hot’s cable company channel’s.

And once again, Israel is delayed when it comes to watching things.

I’m not even going to try, I’m not interested enough in watching some teen drama about being werewolves.

I’d rather watch another episode of Yossi Dina’s things than watching that sort of things.

And movies are also better, in movies, you don’t have to keep up on things, in movies you can just watch and that’s it, in programs, it takes a while and it’s exhausting.

I’m not fourteen yet, why am I doing all of that shit to myself?

Wait, that was a stupid question, that’s because of puberty, the bitch that started when I was eight and a half with the awful growth spurts (that thanks to it, my legs are covered in scars) and my breasts started to grow to small buds when I was nine and a half, and when I was ten and wore a tight shirt a boy asked me if I’ve got implants (I remember my confusion) and ever since that moment it sucked.

I’m boycotting puberty.

I’m against that institution! (for me it’s a personal joke, and I said it quite a lot in Hungary.)

I’m against puberty but I’m promoting the mental hospital that used so many inhumane treating ways only because of his name…

I’m watching some rabbi’s video, I just can’t believe that people take him seriously, if I’d go there, I’d probably go and just laugh so hard that it’d be humiliating.

I’m going to sim, I deserve it, I wrote over four thousand words by now.

I was about to sim, but the wi-fi drove me crazy and I really wanted to see some sarcastic and mean atheists make fun of religious people (that radical and dumb ones).

Oh this is just amazing…

Every Amnon Yitzhak video with atheists is amazing.

It’s amazing.

I can’t even put it into the right words.
Wow, it’s just… Wonderful.