5:15 AM

Well, I was simmng, trying to find a way to play without the game to crash, and now, to give myself some break, I’m watching another Dr Phil show, now it’s “My Schizophrenic Child” and the comments, well, I didn’t publish it, from fearing that people would pick on me, and I’m agreeing the opinion that it’s better to put her/him in a place where she’d get help, or give her help from home…. Her dog’s name is Honey.
I’m going to pretend that I’m not thinking about what I would say since I was six or seven, that they own me rights for the use of my name.
I’m hearing all the damn cars, and each time they speed up it sounds like a damn alarm, well, at least it’s better than the turbo-guy, what an asshole…
It’s really dumb to activate your turbo in a main street of a city, who also connects between two other cities, the road is not that big, and there is always traffic.

I’m probably going to draw now and watch, and when it’d be over, I’m going to sim and finish my sims, and obsessively save it, fearing that it’d crash.
Just for you to know, I’m planning an on-beach mansion, with really cool partition, I’m having a YA, T, and a dog (I’m not sure if big or small, but probably big, or maybe both!), so I’m making a very large base floor that is supported by these column-like base that you have with Island Paradise, and it will have a pretty large free place and gym (for my YA acrobat), and all kinds of stuff, I’m considering adding a butler, or a maid, well, like CAS-made one, with having a part job close to home, maybe in the graveyard or at the bookstore, or anything else that I can get in Sunlit Tides.

Okay, it’s almost nine PM, I finished watching Purge: Anarchy in a very low quality, and I might watch it again at the holidays of this year, my friend texted me that yesterday she went to wall climbing and such, you know, the “extreme” shit children do, like, the places who are actually aimed for children alone.
Anyway, now, she goes to a place named “Darkness” in Eilat, I checked the webpage (it came out on English because my keyboard was on English as I wrote it), and so far, the only thing that is frightening is their grammar.
“Hounted” instead of “Haunted”, and they even wrote “Gruge” instead of “Grudge”.
I just understand now why the “hasbara” (explaination of Israel and our side, usually during war) fails so miserably, I mean, we all look like uneducated apes.
And please, if you try to reason, at least know to spell what you’re saying, and if you can’t, go on simpler English, or to fucking Google Translate!
But come on, I don’t understand how come people didn’t notice that when they published the site!
It’s fucking pathetic!
I just can’t believe it!
I’m going to sim again, there’s nothing else I can possibly do.

I am hearing Ghost Town’s The After Party, and I’d probably continue with doing so until I’d be too attached and just start to want to cry when I’d heard it, which happened before, and it’s really awful, I don’t dare putting certain songs because I know that I shouldn’t because then I’d just hate myself more, and I’d rather to ignore myself as long as possible, because I’m such a whiny bitch.
I just can’t hear so many songs just because I’d feel like shit afterwards, there are some dubsteps (which are usually a bit of lyrics with plenty of cool electronic and computer-made noises) that I can’t, for example, Makes Me Ill is painful at different ways.
I just listen to Carnival and it makes me feel shit from time to time.
I just hate when it happens, this is why I’m going mad on myself for attaching to stuff.
At some point in the last two months, I just can’t listen to the music and ignore the lyrics, I’m unable to do so, at some point I just hear the lyrics and it’s irreversible

That also gets boring after a while, because you can’t listen to Farbs, Nathanael Schorder, Aylius, Starcom, Left Side Deaf, Skit, Deadmau5.
Shit starts to get boring after fifty times.

I was watching Mr Repizon, and I just got an advertisement for Obama is the devil by the Bible (I don’t say  Torah as the Jewish Bible –without the Christian addition- simply because Torah is only the first five books’ name, and it’s only a part of the whole book)  and all that bullshit said by many crazy people.
From some reason, I wanted to watch the Amnon Yitzhak videos, the debates with that damn rabbi.
And as in both Mr Repizon and the current debate I watch, they both mention soul.
And I would like to explain why am I using soul as the word for my personality, mentality, and my overall abstract being.
It’s simply because of translation.
I’m going for the example of mental illnesses, which is the first one who popped to my head, in Hebrew the word for “mental illness” is “soul illness”.
I have confused myself.

Okay, it’s three thirty four am now, in the last forty five minutes or so (probably more) I tried to make my second model for the 3d paper doll that I want to make.
At first , on my first version, I tried making it more ball-like, and I made that awful mistake and I tried using trapeziums as my main shape, it just ended up looking crooked with the thing that I want to draw on it, it might be useful for other stuff, but not my stuff, and now I have it near me.
So at my second attempt which took me three fourths of an hour, I made it having squares and rectangles, creating some weird prism-like shape.
It also has triangles in it.
At first I had no idea how to actually do it, I got plenty of sketches in my notebook, trying different stuff, trying to understand how the hell am I supposed to do it.
After a while, I decided that one idea seemed good, and I drew it on the size of 4*4  squares and 4*1.5 rectangles, having three squares and four rectangles, and I saw that I don’t have enough space left, and I got only one last page that is the same, so I decided to make a mini version, and it seemed right, but  I had to finish it and create the first end shape, it doesn’t have triangles, and it’s a fucking hell to stick together, but it looks right!
It’s not crooked and it’s more ball-like than the previous version!
When the rendering and gaming days were still in their diapers, people would consider it as a very bally ball!
At first, when I just thought about how I should do, and how I should design it, I thought about “oh! I should go to 3DS Max! I know how to flatten it and make it work!
And I tried installing my trial version, it had missing files that I would probably get tomorrow, so after it, I tried to get into plenty of online softwares for 3d modelling.
Only one was nice, but really nerve-wrecking as I couldn’t move the screen and view with a mouse drag.
That led me up using the trapeziums, and it failes, so I had to be creative, and it ended up creating my polygonal shape!
It has 26 polygons when finished if I calculated it correctly, anyway, I love it, and I think that I built it this way, remembering one of the first lessons, when we soft-edged the ends of a cube.

I just can’t believe I wasted so much time on making such a simple shape.
It was a pain in the ass to build and design for cutting, and maybe it was the think that took too long.
And the trying to draw it on 3d correctly (almost impossible for my unpractised hands), and then trying to draw it flattened, and then alter between the two, and translate a bit each time, until it happened.

Okay, that would make great stories if I’d ever do something involve at it.

I yawned now, how surprising, I think this night would be my very first white night, or not, I’m not sure, white nights are usually considered white nights when you’re awake for over twenty four hours straight, and I never managed to do so.
This means that if I want it to be a white night, I have to stay awake until twelve pm.
Not fun, and I’d probably won’t manage to do it as well.

I’m yawning non-stop.
I really want to start playing massively multiplayer online (maybe role-playing) game, which means that I just said MMORPG with fully understanding it!

I’m hungry…
What? How the hell is it four twenty seven now?!
Well, it makes sense now that I’m hungry, but I could have sworn that five minutes ago I was still talking about MMORPG.
I might go to sleep now; the latest hour that I slept in this summer was five.
I might break my record as I usually continue on my phone, it’s some sort of a casual teenage (and in my case, from the age of ten) bedtime ritual.

I am still wondering from time to time if you, the readers are people who try to learn about tweens (I’m thirteen who’s fascinated by teenagers and puberty but completely hates it, and I’m still sometimes say “I’m just a twelve year old girl who has no fucking clue about anything” even though that it’s irrelavent) or that you are legitimate tweens/teens who actually find it relatable and interesting.

Everything that I have to offer are hormones and distractive things.
That’s all.
And by the way, this is by iTunes is my most-listened song.

That’s really weird and has nothing to do with anything, but my arm hair (told you it is weird!) is really… well… weird; very thin, very black, very merging with my skin at times.
I wonder if it has a bit to do with lanugo (my relationship with such symptoms of a serious disorder is admiration), because I did have a bit of really weird almost-transparent hair on the place where sideburns are.
But maybe it has something to do with my really fucked up genes.
You know that if I’d call a laser hair-removal salon, and ask for an operation, they’d ask me about my race, and if I’d tell them the truth, which has the crucial Yemenite and Iraqi, they’ll deny me, because it simply doesn’t work on my type of skin.

It’s over five ten, and I’d probably stay awake for not so long, and I hope that I won’t have massive eye sacks, I don’t find myself fitting for them yet, I still need a greyer skin, and a bonier body or at least having less fat…. My body just had these weird spasms again, it always makes me feel funny, it’s weird and not supposed to happen.
 

Five fifteen am.