He's and She's important.

I see...
We got to three thousand and five hundred views...
I am not as happy as I used to be about it...
All it means that there are other people like me in this unfortunate state of this horrifying cycle.
And that the other people find interest in my life.
My life is uninteresting, all I do is sit, moving from a place to place, while I my soft black curls rest on my neck, or that they are packed nicely in an odd bun or ponytail.
I draw from time to time, but have to hide it, because I don't want others to know what I think about... I don't know about you, but this one put a smile on my face.
Back to being serious, I'd hate them to do it, everything that they'll do about it, won't benefit me.
If they'll tell others about what I do... Then fuck. Or that they'll tell others how "beautiful" my art is, or that they'll tell others to read what I wrote, or even worse! Yesterday, around at ten pm, I started panicking, because I forgot my "illustrated" shopping list.
The shopping list includes normal things that you buy in Tel Aviv, and things that I'm not even sure that would be sold to a person my age.

Razors, specific box cutters, trapezoid, beautiful and long.
Professional sharp scissors, it'll make sense thanks to my odd hair.
Gauze pads, of course.
Tape, but not just tape, the medical tape, super strong and thick in comparison to the regular tape I use, my dad used to have it, he probably got it from the IDF, because they surely looked like millitary medical supply!
CDs, that store that my dad told me about, I need to get from there.
Oh, I forgot this one in the list, but I need to get a patch with "US ARMY" for Guy, he really liked mine [that I removed] so I told him that if he wants one I can get him one, he agreed.
I also wanted a couple of sketchbooks, because I hate taking these trips to Tel Aviv sometimes.
And Sakura Koi, of course!
I had more but I probably forgot.


I'm not sure if I'm going to eat today, from some reason, I don't want to eat anything!
I'm just like, okay, you're hungry, but food isn't very appealing, does it?
And it makes perfect sense, those meals look like something I won't eat if I had the option.
I really feel pathetic about it sometimes, that I don't eat like I should...
Oh well, Yom Kippur is coming, maybe it would reset my system.
Maybe I'd go back to my old-new way.
But it's harder thanks to the new schedule.



I'm back from dinner with the pals.
Sadly, they invite outsiders who are highly unacceptable in our groups.
They lack the spirit, humour, and most of all, the respect!
I hate one utterly, he's nothing like even the new okay dudes.
He's one of the geeks that get the rather awful "Go kill yourself" for a damn reason.
No tact, no sense of humour, hell, he has now fucking idea about what it means to be a Cabarian, or a Hashtagger.


Anyway, I've cut today again, after shower. it feels so fucking good, and this time, I didn't get dizzy from the blood that stayed on the razor... I washed it, I better clean my weapons.


New photos, I keep them all under "Evidence", exactly where I have images of other cuts, and of things I said goodbye to [but didn't help, I still miss those people] and pictures of... that damn facebook account.

Here you go.

 I know it looks odd, these cuts barely bleed, right?
Wrong, it bled more just before I bandaged it.
It's the bottom picture, I really like the caption.
I owe you an explanation.

Why the fuck do I upload these things, right?
It's my blog, my expressive tool that helps me go though many thing.
I partly use it for photos, and I did it multiple times.
I feel like it's even more realistic, you see me and what I go, exactly through my eyes.

Fuck, Omri repeats his plan in my ears.

This dude has no idea what he means to me.
It's driving me crazy, some people don't know how much they mean to another.
It's so fucking sad, and you can't even put a bit of logic in their minds, they are too locked up, and as much as you understand, you are helpless in front of them, and you want to cry, because the person you love and care about, decides that his life has no worth.

It's so fucking awful...
His life is so important, and he has no fucking idea.
He won't ever understand how much he's important... Will he?

Bandaging Level :
We can tell that your father's a paramedic

I need to post more, but it's bedtime.
I need to remind myself to write about Yael.

She's afraid that I'll get better than her, she thinks I'm good at every sport.
She's sure that I'd be the one who will top her, and because she thinks that she's not good enough, she'll be kicked out of the class.
She's so wrong, that it's tragic.
This lovely girl, having everything just a bit away from her, is amazing when it comes to everything.
She's great.
She's beautiful, energetic, honest, funny, athletic, and I truly feel like this list is a stain on her true self, she is much more than this.
Much more.


BY THE WAY, AILAIL FAKED THE SEPTUM, I HAD A FEELING THAT IT'S FAKE BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK GETS A HOOP FOR A SEPTUM?
We're going to get ours at sixteen anyway.


Good night.