It's early...
At least for a morning of a holiday.
It's seven thirty.
I don't want to go there.
Why would I anyway if all that awaits me there is people making fun of me, mocking me, hurting me, disrespecting me?
I just know that it won't end well.
I need to take a shower, but I don't think I'm in a proper mood to wash away all the filth.
Maybe I need more time for self-pitying or loathing [it's really hard to tell with these specific things].
Last night it was odd... Funny sort of odd.... Too bad I didn't find it amusing when it happened.
I was turning and tossing endlessly, in between I pressed my head on the wall [I'm not sure why I do it, I'm basically trying to bury my head in the wall.] and said a bunch of things that just make me feel shitty, I knew that self harm could've solved it, but I don't want it to interrupt when I'm not wearing trousers [the past three days were like this] and just bothering with an XL shirt from Newyroker, the actual making brand of this one is FSBN but Newyorker sells all kinds, I know they sell Smog too, which is pretty cool.
Anyway, it's a FSBN shirt with a face of a girl wearing a bandana from her nose and down, and it has "BULLS#IT" on it.
It's mostly black on the background, but the print is some sort of a faint sepia.
I'm going to sim.
Hopefully this day will go on for the better.
And it's unfair of hamas, all summer long you shoot your missiles and rockets, but now, when I need a good reason for why not, you don't?
Fuck, I want to eat breakfast, but it just depresses me and makes me lose my almost-dead appetite.
Around thirty minutes passed and I still want to eat.
Why did he have to trigger me... Why?
I ate and showered.
I'm tired now.
And I am just dreading the time of when we go there.
They were so mean and I have no doubt that if I'd return, they'll hurt me again...
I was there.
At least it was only at my great-grandmother's place, at my great-grandfather's place the awful children and teenagers stay.
Okay, I just chatted with Omri.
I asked him why won't he just try therapy, he said it's weird, and I told him that plenty go there, including me, my friends, my family, my teachers and many more.
He got hooked on the fact that I'm going too, and he asked me why.
I told him that it's because of my self harm "issues".
He said that he's way worse.
Boom.
I just couldn't handle it.
It was enough with everything that's going on.
Everybody there hates me.
People enjoy tricking me into a world where there's the slight possibility that somebody genuinely likes me.
I hurt everyone.
I was supposed to die.
They said that I'm terrible.
Triggered.
Now, I feel like that cutting would be great to return me to my mood.
I hate this feeling.
Once again, it doesn't really matter if I breath or not... Right?
Okay, maybe I should stop talking with tactless strangers and continue with my old habit of talking with tactless friends and friends who wave no idea what every word they say makes you feel.
I drew earlier, when I waited for things ["things" is actually my computer and what it holds] to work properly, I really like the girl that walks on the line.
I just drew all kinds of characters, and I really like this one, I'm probably going to repaint it when I'll get a functioning graphic tablet....
Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
By the way, I was watching the live performance of Necromania, and got reminded of the fact that in Israel, we don't have these things.
Usually, there is an army of arses and hoes trying to get laid [It's sad, they usually have no idea who's performing, even though that it's really popular all over the western world.] a bunch of hipsters, fans, and oldies.
The oldies are just insanely fond with everything about this thing.
Oh, the one on the right is because I really wanted something with floating hands and bows, so, that's it.
I'm going to draw a thing that my sister made in FaceQ and I asked her to send it to me, because, pink hair and Christianity is great.
I want an unhealthy snack, but we have nothing that tastes well enough to actually consume.
I really want a graphic tablet, there are so many things to do that requires it!
And I really want to start when I'm inspired by the colouring and shading of Ko-Yamii, and the style of Rawdi Kun, and of Fukari.
Oh well.
At least for a morning of a holiday.
It's seven thirty.
I don't want to go there.
Why would I anyway if all that awaits me there is people making fun of me, mocking me, hurting me, disrespecting me?
I just know that it won't end well.
I need to take a shower, but I don't think I'm in a proper mood to wash away all the filth.
Maybe I need more time for self-pitying or loathing [it's really hard to tell with these specific things].
Last night it was odd... Funny sort of odd.... Too bad I didn't find it amusing when it happened.
I was turning and tossing endlessly, in between I pressed my head on the wall [I'm not sure why I do it, I'm basically trying to bury my head in the wall.] and said a bunch of things that just make me feel shitty, I knew that self harm could've solved it, but I don't want it to interrupt when I'm not wearing trousers [the past three days were like this] and just bothering with an XL shirt from Newyroker, the actual making brand of this one is FSBN but Newyorker sells all kinds, I know they sell Smog too, which is pretty cool.
Anyway, it's a FSBN shirt with a face of a girl wearing a bandana from her nose and down, and it has "BULLS#IT" on it.
It's mostly black on the background, but the print is some sort of a faint sepia.
I'm going to sim.
Hopefully this day will go on for the better.
And it's unfair of hamas, all summer long you shoot your missiles and rockets, but now, when I need a good reason for why not, you don't?
Fuck, I want to eat breakfast, but it just depresses me and makes me lose my almost-dead appetite.
Around thirty minutes passed and I still want to eat.
Why did he have to trigger me... Why?
I ate and showered.
I'm tired now.
And I am just dreading the time of when we go there.
They were so mean and I have no doubt that if I'd return, they'll hurt me again...
I was there.
At least it was only at my great-grandmother's place, at my great-grandfather's place the awful children and teenagers stay.
Okay, I just chatted with Omri.
I asked him why won't he just try therapy, he said it's weird, and I told him that plenty go there, including me, my friends, my family, my teachers and many more.
He got hooked on the fact that I'm going too, and he asked me why.
I told him that it's because of my self harm "issues".
He said that he's way worse.
Boom.
I just couldn't handle it.
It was enough with everything that's going on.
Everybody there hates me.
People enjoy tricking me into a world where there's the slight possibility that somebody genuinely likes me.
I hurt everyone.
I was supposed to die.
They said that I'm terrible.
Triggered.
Now, I feel like that cutting would be great to return me to my mood.
I hate this feeling.
Once again, it doesn't really matter if I breath or not... Right?
Okay, maybe I should stop talking with tactless strangers and continue with my old habit of talking with tactless friends and friends who wave no idea what every word they say makes you feel.
I drew earlier, when I waited for things ["things" is actually my computer and what it holds] to work properly, I really like the girl that walks on the line.I just drew all kinds of characters, and I really like this one, I'm probably going to repaint it when I'll get a functioning graphic tablet....
Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
By the way, I was watching the live performance of Necromania, and got reminded of the fact that in Israel, we don't have these things.
Usually, there is an army of arses and hoes trying to get laid [It's sad, they usually have no idea who's performing, even though that it's really popular all over the western world.] a bunch of hipsters, fans, and oldies.
The oldies are just insanely fond with everything about this thing.Oh, the one on the right is because I really wanted something with floating hands and bows, so, that's it.
I'm going to draw a thing that my sister made in FaceQ and I asked her to send it to me, because, pink hair and Christianity is great.
I want an unhealthy snack, but we have nothing that tastes well enough to actually consume.
I really want a graphic tablet, there are so many things to do that requires it!
And I really want to start when I'm inspired by the colouring and shading of Ko-Yamii, and the style of Rawdi Kun, and of Fukari.
Oh well.
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