Tattoo artists and Nirvana's dumb young fans.

Okay, sorry for not posting yesterday, I was at Tel Aviv from eleven am to seven pm, which is pretty much a lot.
I was there with Shani, and Maya P.
It was fun.
I'm going to give you pieces from the unuploaded post.
Actually, it was so short that here's the full one.

After being yelled on by my mother (yippie) I felt really bad, and I was so fucking angry (which is bad, being angry is very bad) that I wanted to cut myself, after a couple of brooming (that was what I was forced to do, but each time she talks to me, she talks in the most disgusted, hateful, and guilt-tripping tone) minutes it began to slightly wear off, and I was still raging from within but I held it, so I won't burst.
When I was yelled on once again that I need to knock it on the floor so the dirt leftovers, so I did, once, twice, three times, and they just got more violent as time passed, I was practically attempting to stab the floor, imagining that the broom was some sort of a weapon (dagger or a chef knife, they work the best for stabbing) and that the floor was her.
I seriously want to kill her.
But I'm forced by social rules and my education since birth (has nothing to do with genes in my opinion, why? Because if anyone would grow up in a different place, they won't be the same) to love her or at least pretend that I do.
Well, I can't stand her, I want to fucking kill her, but by law, I'm obliged to be bent to her.

Today I'm supposed to go to Tel-Aviv, I still regret inviting Maya to it.
Last night I had to convince myself that it wouldn't be bad, that it'd be alright, I used every rational thought that I have.
Which is good, rationalizing irrational things is good.
Last night I just said "It's okay that you invited  her, you feel alright with Shani, don't you? Yes,  you do. I know that you're not as open with Maya as you are with Shani, but don't worry, you're a lot alike, you saw that she's quite shy herself, and it's alright, you'll be alright. Everything will be alright. You know that you get nervous only before it, and you dread it, but you also know that you want to go there, and you're just afraid from only before it happens and you're getting better as it happens and after it's over..."
And a lot of this stuff.


Okay, since the technician is here, my internet works perfectly, so I just reloaded all of my non-working tabs, and I saw that I googled "Patchy fog" so you know what I did? Clicked on this.
This website is for a duo named Patchy Fog.
I feel like a hipster only for clicking on it.

The reason behind the size is that to tell difference between the post itself to the other things.
And it was a pretty shitty morning, but as the day passed, I enjoyed it.
At first, when Maya came to my place, I was slightly nervous, but as Shani arrived, well, I was so open and relived.
We're very alike.
Both have a strong relationship with our siblings, both screwing things up, both have the same taste in clothing and music (well music not identical, but similar, which means that the music that she hears, I'd probably like), and both want to do rather weird stuff.

Okay, back to what I've done yesterday, it won't be written chronically, so, well, try to understand.

After taking the bus to Tel Aviv, we decided that first of all, we're going to Nicole Raidman's shop, and it was in Kikar Hamedina (English: State's Square), which is pretty much the most high-fashion haute-couture artsy-fartsy and costs as much as renting an apartment in northern Tel Aviv, hell, in that price I would get a vacation for a week in a pretty nice hotel.
I'm not even kidding.
Well, since we didn't know the name, we walked, in the first buildings and shops that we went by, I saw a store that looked stunning, it had mannequins with musical instruments, and in the other side there was clothing pieces with a doll, you know that kind of dolls, I'll give you a picture.

That style, just it had another pose, and it was more fancy.
Anyway, we continued walking, until we circled the area, which is extremely dumb, but we enjoyed it.
In the end, we found the shop, and it was the shop with the doll figures!
Ha-ha! We ended up circling the place.
We actually went it, it was awkward, but I noticed again that I work the best under pressure and nervousness, like, if I'm the only one who's stressed out, then I'd barely function, but if my surroundings are stressed as well, then I'd be okay.
Afterwards, we made our very long trip to Dizingof, in the way, we got lost, I showed my pathetic navigation skills, and after a meal ate by Shani and Maya, we reached our spot.
We had a lot of fun in the way.
Dizingof, we reached Dizingof.
When we got there, we just wasted like thirty minutes only in trying to find my store, and we didn't, so we tried to find other places, in the way we got into an art store (and got new pens and a sketchbook), and then we went to the most evil shop there, named U.F.O. music, yeah, the fucking devilish one (I won't say satanic, because I understand now that I misused the word), we went in there in the beginning, because I had no idea that it was that shop, because it wasn't as dark as before, the store actually had a working light bulb.
They still sold only merch (160 nis for a damn t-shirt!), and no cds, seriously! How can you call yourself a music shop?

So after wasting an hour, it was around three pm, I got hungry, so I went to the vegan shwarma, and ate the same burger I ate last week. Was delicious.

Afterwards, we walked towards the markets, and in the way, just before that Maya left, we got all in together for a shop that seemed really epic to me, and damn epic it was!
I bought guitar frets, some band t-shirts, patches, and I got a free pin. which I can't find now.
After it I went with her to an epic shop, and there we bought some matching shirts, and other shirts, I bought a dress that has a cool design (I'm planning to use it as a diy material) and a long skirt, for Jewish events and alike.

It was six pm after visiting the shop, so we went to the fur shop.
We got there at six pm and a minute.
The shop closed at six pm.
Tomorrow I'm going as well to Tel Aviv, but with Yael.


Well, right now I feel like I'm going to kill everyone in my area.
I'm serious, if not them, then me, I can't stand my mother.
I just can't stand her.
I can't even to be normal when she's around.
Today, I thought about life (like every human), and I understood that what I want to do with life is to help everyone, and when I do it, I don't have the urge to harm myself, when I help people, and they are satisfied (even if they won't say thank you, you can still see it in their eyes, or behaviour), I feel good.
I just do.
But when my mother is there, well, it all starts with the guilt, and like a snowball down the hill, it grows, and grows, and spirals out of control.
It's just painful for me to be with people like that.
I just see them, and thanks to my fucking amygdala, I feel fear and bad each time I see them.

.......

I'm after shower, I suck on an ice-cube, and I'm sitting on the floor, legs are crossed and are pushed against one of the bed colmouns, and my back is lying on a beanbag that's on another beanbag.
Nice and calm.
Tomorrow, since I'm going to Tel Aviv again, I plan to buy some hoodies, I need at least one for the trip, so I'd better buy one now.
And I need it anyway.
If the hoodie's price will be cheap enough, then I'd buy more than just one.

Oh I almost forgot, yesterday, I was walking down the market, and I suddenly saw three girls, and two of them wore a Pink Floyd shirt, at the moment I decided to ask them if they know them, they said they do, and I thanked them for the answer, and they left, kept going in their way.
I ask it because I saw so many dumb girls who has no idea what they are wearing.
You don't see me wearing a....

OKAY.
I was stumbling around in Stips, after clicking on a link from google (I searched for places that sell hoodies in Tel Aviv), and now I'm so happy, because I just found a question from a thirteener (or something) that asks if there are kids from the ages of 11-15 that hear Nirvana, but not like "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and that's it.
Which makes sense.
And I'm translating you something now.
It's a short conversation to be honest, I haven't noticed it until now.
"In age of 11 who'll understand Nirvana? -_-?
It's like saying why there isn't a seven year old that understand Eminem?-_-"
Which is different,you have seen my evolvement through the years, you see that I've changed a lot.
But to the assy commenter (who is probably a teenager! Oh! It actually makes sense now, the age wars!), well I don't know what you learned in  Sex ed, but there's that thing, it's evil, and weird, and it's named "Puberty" (dramatic death/horror music), people change a lot through it.
I actually wanted to quote again the phase list from Night Star, because it'd fit here.

The question writer is now:
"Frankly, you're probably right but who knows there are surprises in life
And I'm 12.5 years old and I understand the meaning of all of these songs, the meanings and I generally really love Kurt Cobain.
You can't judge me only because I'm younger.."
I personally think she can use punctuation.
And that's what we should learn in Hebrew lessons, not to make different verbs and manipulate them, because everybody just stares blankly at the page and you simply can't understand a damn thing.

I'm currently hearing russian versions for common songs.
It's nice.

The anon strikes one again.
I just talked in popular tumblr slang.
"Amm probably because you're younger. What do you even understand from life and from these lyrics? I heard MCR and Eminem too but I understood what they meant and now when I look back at it, wow what a poser."
And on that part of understand of what you've done part, well, fuck you.
I heard Justin Bieber when I was nine-ten, and you know what? I didn't like every single damn song, I understood what they means, my favorite was Up, why? It's inspirational.
I heard Lady Gaga (I still do occasionally, mostly Artpop to understand the new style) and some songs I didn't like, and some I did, because I loved the meaning behind them, does it make me a poser, for understanding and loving it? I don't think you understand what "poser" means.
Fuck my hand is itchy.
I guess that the itch won't stop until I'd bleed.

Well, now the question writer response.
"If I was a 'poser' I would go to be a fan of One Direction because it's the new hot thing now. I don't just hear their music, I read about them, read their songs learning about them. And yes it's from free will. And I'm pretty sure that if it's my will then I enjoy it. Why do you care what I'm doing? And trust me that if I wouldn't really like them and I'd do it just for impressing then I wouldn't even ask this question. And all the pages that are open now in my internet wasn't their songs and things about them. Who gave you the right to decide what's wrong or right for me? All you know about me that I'm almost thirteen. Sorry to disappoint you that I truly love them no matter of how old I am. Huh and you don't have the right to tell me that I don't understand a thing from my life or that I'm just doing poses. I'm sure that you think that I'm just like every other thirteen year old girl that takes pictures with their stomach [exposed] and duck face when boys give them their numbers. So sorry but I'm not like this. And I really care that it came out like a rant"
The last line was sarcastic.
Well, I wonder if she's before her period or something.


Oh, I'm hearing a dubstep of a song made by Ellie Goulding, today I was fixing again my music section on Facebook (and I deleted every single picture), and in the suggestion box there was Ellie Goulding.
I didn't know that she made Lights it's one of the most popular songs ever.

Okay, I found Steam Powered Giraffe videos, where they made covers.
It's lovely.
It looks like something special, something that looks like an urban holiday, and one of the phases of Skull Kid from Ruby Gloom.



Okay, I was reading an article about mental illnesses in the city (yippie?) and then I moved to the mizantrop guide for the city.
And now I'm just in the Jehova page, and here is some picture that was there.

The caption was "Passover cleaning in hundred gates" (in Jerusalem), which makes me wonder, why so many?
Why would you have so many dolls?
I'm hearing all kinds of bands that I've never heard about before, it's pretty cool.
British alternative rock band named Fearless Vampire Killers.


My fingers are covered in black ink.

It's not perfect, obviously, it's not even close.
But it's the beginning, you can just compare my first things, and to this, you see difference.
I want to try other things, and I'm trying to teach myself to do it, the Youtube guides didn't help, the best thing is to learn by yourself.
Fuck art teachers, I'm going my style.
It reminds me that Dabush told me a couple days ago that there's a one specific way to develop your art, and I was amazed.
I mean, how come one way fits all?
I'm learning now using Sakura Koi markers, having seven colors and a blender marker, that's my beginning, and I'm going to enjoy it, and work with it.
I enjoy it, I love the new options with the shading thanks to the blender.

I made a couple more things, and I'm watching/hearing Tattoo Age: Freddy Corbin, now it's part 3, earlier today I watched the episode with Dan Santoro, pretty cool designs.

I'm watching now Mike Rubendall, I'm drawing things that I really like, I'm seriously proud of them.

The camera doesn't make the cherries look as alive as they actually are, the colors are vivid.
I have crooked lines and it looks weird, but I'm just thirteen, and I already think that it's pretty good.
I made some more and I'm watching now Troy Denning's Tattpo Age film, it's amazing.


Anyway, good night for now, tomorrow it's round two in Tel Aviv, with Yael.
It's quite sad that I'm putting myself away from her because I care about her.
I guess it's better for her.

Two days combined

In case you haven't noticed (or that it didn't work) I added my blog the "adult content" warning, why? Because it's not all fucking sunshines and rainbows.
And I'm only starting, this is middle school, so most of the kids are still virgins (even though that I've heard multiple rumors of a girl jacking off a guy, my response: Couldn't you just do oral? It's more impressive!), just imagine the high school drama and bullshit.

.....

Time passes fast when you waste it.
I am playing Sims 3 and reading things that are relevant to me on Social Anxiety Support forum, and I just see things that some of them can do, and a female did go to her nephew's graduation because he really wanted her to go, but she almost didn't go to her own mother's funeral.
It's awful.
I can't bring myself to return to my old school, say hi to my previous teacher, which really misses me, and I miss her, and I really want to see my brother and sister and some of their friends, some kids that I know and they understood that I'm super weird, and two lovely girls named Shachar and Noya (remember them?), and I have so many people to say hello to, but I can't, I just can't do it.
And I really want to do it when I plan it, but always, at the last moment, I cancel, I back out, no matter what.
And I can't do it for all of my life! Actually I can, but it'd be hard. And quite pathetic.
I'm going inside shyness introversion and social anxiety articles and questions and videos.
So far I see shyness as something I've developed.
I used to be so chill about talking to people and doing everything social until around this year.
I think that it's because what I've done to Gal, ever since she left me, I was terrified that it'd happen again with others, so I just picked to not socialize as much.
So I guess I'm not much of all of the three, I'm just plainly afraid to ruin everything again.

Which makes me to be a plain stupid person who ruins everything that it touches.


I'm sitting now in front of my closet's old pajama area, and I moved it, so now I have empty space that fits perfectly for my laptop, I sit in front of it on my chair.

I'm going to sim a little, I need to make four families for my new game, and each one should include two children one male and one female, and from there I need to start making the whole city, generation by generation.
I'm going to delete school as well, I just hate taking them to school every fucking day, or maybe I'd keep it and they'd just drop out.


.....

Okay, I can't find anything about that specific problem, I feel stressed with strangers around me, but it's even worse with people who're close to me.
Like if I'm going to meet you for a really short term, like an hour or so every once in a while, and it's not a long-term relationship, then I'd probably be more open, especially if the other person is around my age group, which is from seven (no kidding, it happened before) to fifteen, which is weird, it's supposed to be the other way around, right?
And when it's a long-term relationship, I'm more nervous, a lot more nervous, like, the longer that I'd be in this place with them, the worse.
I had multiple reason for wearing baggy hoodies, I always thought that I sweat a lot, I wore them to cover my nonexistent sweat stains, and to hide my body, my disgusting, disproportionate body, and from the habit of hiding my wrists, which doesn't really matter in my case, with my super-shallow cuts that led to perfect skin healing without the need for a lot of scar tissue, which means that the most that I have is one, small, scar, so small that needles are thicker, the width of the 0.5 pencil nibs, and the length of that metal speaker in the top of the iPhone (near the camera and the light sensor).... I forgot what I was describing, oh the scar! Well, it's so small and it's only slightly lighter than my skin, so you'd have to look very closely to spot it.



In the past couple of years, I was around objects that are considered to give cancer, now there are two options, or that my body is extremly magical and powerful, or that all that people say is bullshit.
But I haven't been near ciggarets.
I just don't like the smell of most of them.
I remember one ciggaret that smelled like burnt strawberries, it was one of the sweeter scents that death can have.


I can't stop thinking about Gal, I seriously can't.
When I don't distract myself with at least tow things, like drawing and/or playing sims and/or texting to friends, it's not likely to happen, but sometimes it just takes over me.
I took everything from her, I killed the only person that I'd die for.
There's a thing that's told to people like me, it goes like this: "Kill yourself." and trust me, there's nothing that I'd like to do more, the only reason that I don't do that, is because I need to fix everything before it's too late, and I deserve pain, and my surrounding doesn't have to suffer from the norma of mourning at deaths.



My body is shaking, I'm cranky, I can't stand that thing anymore.
I don't have internet and I'm fucking losing it.
What is it? Some cruel joke by some underground group who enjoys torturing others? (I was about to watch 13 Sins which is the American remake of 13 Beloved, and I think about that creepypasta.)
Seriously, I feel like I'm about to snap, I can't deal with things like that.
My whole life is in that damn cloud, I can't be without it, I write my life in there, it became a large part of me, and everything that worries me, or that I'd like to know about, the internet has what I need.
I have no idea what's wrong with me, and I'm worried about it, so I read a lot only to understand what the hell is wrong with me. And I write about it.
I just can't deal with being this way, I want to shoot myself.
Who knows when the internet will be back?
Nobody.
Do you understand that my mental state depends on the bar amount of the wifi?
I don't have it, I'm insane; I have it, well, I'm not normal, but I'm not on the verge of losing it. So you know what's better.


....


I finished the movie, I didn't like the ending.
Everything else was amazing.

I think I'm going to refill my lemonade cup, and to read some creepypasta, or hear it, probably something new from the pasta of the month section.
Psychological pastas and game-like pastas, for example, well,  The Face, and a good game one is NoEnd House, I know that I mention this pasta a lot, but it's only because that it's simply that good!
It's amazing.


I don't find any good pastas, so I'm going to check some boothworld things and then I'd go to sim.
Okay, so far I only found some other people telling their adventures, considering that it's just fictional stories, I assume that there's one woman who used to get calls asking her if it's boothworld, and she just can't stand it anymore.
Even better, if that woman exists (it's a woman because it always was Samantha, always) then she probably looked it up once and decided to mess around with some people...
I know I would've.

......

I was happily simming, and suddenly Yael called.
I didn't answer at first. Then she texted, it was about the topic that I react in the word "We are just thirteen", it's about the very touching topic named "love life", and Yael has a boyfriend, and another guy wants to date her.
And when I did answer I've been told that I have a monotonous voice, by my friend.
Back to the very hot and strange topic, do you remember Michael? That guy who had Social Anxiety (the guy who opened the door for a whole new world for my constant hypochondriac behaviour), well he's her boyfriend.
And another guy, is named Yuval (we'll tell the Yuvals apart, and for this guy the letter is E) wants to date her.
Her cousins arrived at some point, and they heard the conversation, and now I feel like I need to slice my skin now, because of the lovely cousins who've never saw me, ran away from the room, because they were offered to only say "hi" to me.
And people wonder why I'm not happy? Try to be hated by complete strangers!
The funny thing in here (always see the full and empty side of the cup) is that it's not the first time, the first time was with the Noya Brookner saga.
Remember it? That lovely facebook page?
People that I never saw before called me names, they despised me without even knowing me.
I still need to feel pain, but from some reason I only enjoy it when it's a feeling that doesn't fade away quickly, and it can be hidden.
That's why I loved the bracelet scratches I got a long while ago, the ones that I sprayed on them some sort of a liquid that was supposed to cure acne (yay puberty!) and when it touched healthy smooth skin, it'd burn a little, but when it reached a slightly more sensitive area, for example, areas with blood on them, it felt like the area was stabbed by heated needles.

I'm going to empty my bowels.
And to sim.


........

I went to eat, and my mother and brother were eating as well.
My mother asked me what I'm doing on the computer, I answered that I was playing sims, she commented something about that the situation is bad if I'm playing sims, so I defended myself with saying that "There's no internet connection, what else am I supposed to do?".
My brother and I proceeded saying how annoying it is.
And my brother mentioned that it also happened before, I agreed and said that it happened, but not as frequent, and my mother, out of the blue, said in a tone that I found blaming, that I should've said that before.
And I was really offended, because what the hell? I'm sorry that one or two minutes overall of lost connection didn't matter, and I said it to her.
She kept talking with the blaming tone, and at some point I stopped hearing it, the rage was boiling within me.
My dad sat at some point and turned the television on, I asked in a surprised tone "Your television works here?", and my mother asked (with that damn blaming tone) "Your's not?" I said that it doesn't and she started again, blaming me.
I ignored it all, while I just imagined myself cutting deeper than ever, blood flowing out, and everything beside that open wound is out of focus.
I felt my mouth ends curling into a smile and the daydream stopped, I kept on staring on the same spot on the table, but I started thinking that whatever that's happening to me, it's not normal.... It's wicked.

When I finished, I scraped the leftovers to the trashcan, at some point my mother was telling me to stop and that's enough and something else that upsetted me, I responded with telling her that each time that I don't she yells on me that I need to scrape it off.
She told me to stop making dramas, because it's boring.
Well, maybe I should make a fucking tragedy and kill everyone that surrounds me?!
I'm so fucking sick of everything.



Okay, a while passed, I gave today my first good punch, my brother decided to kick me alot, so I ended up just giving him a single punch on his left buttcheek.
He started crying.
I got internet again.
Yet, I'm going to sim happily.


....

Some of my friends and I have a group that we're still active on, it began at the middle or the end of May, and it was a group planned for Yael's birthday and now it's named Cut Ha'Satlan, which sounds a lot like Cut Ha'Satan, which is "satan's cult", but Cut Ha'Satlan, is not cult, because it's misspelled, we can call it 29 if we'd like, but it'd misspelled on purpose, and Ha'Satlan is "the stoner".
We are a bunch of lovely kids that is probably better than most kids our age, why? We're just enjoy being with each other, and the vibe that's made by our hyperactive and add/adhd friends, is super fun, not like the sexually active thirteeners who have no idea about how strange can sex be (incredibly large cock and perfect pair of DD tits and the most perfect pussy is not what happens in the bedrooms of the youth, try more like, awkward times and self-loathing), which makes us be like fucking angels.
Even though one guy sent a hentai picture.
I deleted it, my mother occasionally checks up on my phone... So... Yeah...


....

I felt guilty for quite a while, I'm not sure why.
But I always feels like everything is my fault.
Maybe it's just the education I got, which reminds me that my mother called me spoiled.Bitch, you made me "spoiled". I'm not spoiled, my brother is.
Sure, you can call me plenty of offensive names, but spoiled, well, nope.
Ungrateful, well call me it, I'd be probably torn with guilt and self-loathing, but that's because it's true.
Disgusting, it depends on my mood, but it hurts like hell, I just feel that I'm so awful, that everybody will try to avoid me, and they'll judge me even more, because I'm revolting, my appearance will make people to hurl, and my personality is so awful that the only reason that I have friends is because they pity me (and that feeling of my "friends being with me only because they feel sorry for me" is quite often, that's why I feel alone, even though that I'm surrounded in friends).
And all of them I've been called, by my mother.
Disgusting is something that I feel like it was burnt to my skin, I just remember it, and I just wanted to make everything stop, to break everything, and then to simply cut myself, it was so damn awful, I can't even describe it in the correct way with words.

My already low self esteem got lower, because the base levels of the self esteem I was building, was that my personality isn't that awful, and when you call me disgusting, you're just:

From here

It just hurts a lot.
If thinking about it, she sent me to have some therapeutic sessions for my self harm, but you keep on saying those words to me.
Amusing how ignorant and oblivious people can be.
 Especially when they say that they are the ones who are the most aware to the surroundings, and the most caring, and the wisest.
It's like trying to put out a fire with oxygen.
Oh, now the gif has another meaning rather than "ball- your words; cubes- my self esteem", it's like the cubes are logic.



I just feel like shit again, I just feel guilty all the time that I allow myself to feel.
Which sucks.


Okay, a few minutes ago, I invited Maya (not canadian, the one who has the same birthday as I do) to go with me and Shani to Tel Aviv and Dizingof, and when I hung up, I just started understand what have I done, I just said "Oh shit! what have I done? Oh fuck!" because I felt nervous, it was one thing to go with Shani, that I started feeling comfortable around, but with Maya, well, not quite yet, so it sucks!
Seriously, it was bad.
Well, at least I hope that I'd be able to go there, and well.. Enjoy it.
I'm planning to get my furs for my hoodies (black, white, neutral, wacky color, and bits of different ones), some band t-shirts from that awesome shop with the cashier who got flirted with by some woman, and he didn't get that she was flirting with him, and oh, it was lovely.
And if I'd find that patch shop, then I'd probably go to look at it.
I think that from now on, each time that I'd say patch I'd laugh, and if I'd ever see in the news the words "patchy fog" I'd probably cry from laughter.
I just love Hush Hush quotes, and overall books quotes.


You know what I want to do?
Check what I've done last year.
I have one from the twenty seventh and from the twenty ninth, but not from the twenty eighth, oh well.

Guys, is it weird that on Play It I have only 170 views while Poison I got 2986, which means we're almost at three thousand!

From the twenty seventh, 3 Times.
It's really pathetic and awful.
Let's see the twenty ninth.
Okay, that's cute. I thought of myself as a teenager, which makes sense because only a while I learned that I'd rather go by the law, because people during their puberty have a changing self image.
Finishing 1#.
It also was after the bracelet incident.
And it included the finale of "Berries, survivors, I hope you'll make it"
Currently it should be like "It's not over unless I say so... And I did."
Which is epic.



Will you just shut the fuck up?
Dumb teenagers (I'm pretty sure that they are fourteen or fifteen) are near McDonalds, and they are screaming, squealing, yelling, and basically interrupting with their raised voice.
I just want to shoot them.
Like seriously, boys and girls, get a room and make out in there, don't make the noise here.

Longer

.

I need to sleep, and not do anything, I got a practice soon.
I plan on not reminding it to anyone anyway.
I just hope that I'd be allowed to not go to it.
I just don't have power for being seen outside, I has only enough energy to breath, sit,eat, sleep, and blog.
I just had to mess up my whole closet because my mother didn't believe me when I said that I don't have my sister's leggings in my closet.
Which (not very surprisingly) wasn't there.
It drove me crazy, it made my need for not doing anything worse.
How the fuck am I supposed to function with that?

Anyway, I haven't remind them yet and it's now nine forty, the practice starts at ten.
Okay, I'm allowed to not go there.

I'm going to visit school today.
I kind of skipped it in the past couple of days, I blame it on being too nervous for actually going there.
I just know so many kds there.
And some of them know exactly what I've had with Yali, so even if they support me, it sucks.
A lot.


I need to visit it, but I got no power for doing such thing.
Is it even normal?
I assume it is.
Tweenagers are like that, aren't they?
Being nervous and paranoid because of the teenagers who will patronize them and/or harass them in any given moment.

And I just waste my time even more.
It sucks.
I just can't bring myself to do anything but staying inside as much as possible.
I really love the teacher, but I just... Can't.



Uh, wasted some more.
Why am I this way?
I don't want to be this way.

I really hope that my next time coming out is for purchasing another sketchbook.
If I can actually call it this way, it's that ZAP BOOK that I have, I like it, recycled paper, 320 pages, do I really need more than that?
I just need to find the other one.
 
I'm watching some videos.
I'm going to eat.
I feel awkward writing here now, I don't really know why.




Okay I have the need to explain myself.
I'm very shy, most of the time, with plenty of people that I'm likely to meet again or that they know me, I'm shy, I'd be quiet, and hide in my shell...

I gif because I can.

I'd just see people and want to leave, because I know that I'd hurt them, and I'd make them sad, and I don't want to do it, I did it with one, and it still hurts to me to see anything that reminds me of them, I don't want it to happen to others too, it was my fault, and I don't want anybody to suffer from the consequences of my actions.
I also don't want to get too attached, because when it happens, everything ends up to be painful, why?Because that when people leave, it hurts a lot, when something that means a lot to you leaves, it hurts a lot (that's why I feel really bad when I have no internet connection or that one of my main three devices die), and if they get attached to me, it's not good either, because I'd hurt them if I'd leave them, and I don't want to do that.
Nuh-uh, never.

But when I'm pushed to my limits, which means that enough you'd do something small that I feel that inappropriate and/or offensive and/or rude and/or upsetting it'd end up with me, being pissed off.

And then I'm more like that turtle...
I'm serious, do not upset me, I'm not afraid to do those so called "reckless" actions, because nobody should make me feel guilty, and if they don't mind doing it to me, then I assume that they don't mind doing it to others, and these others can be sensitive, so I'm kind of doing them a favor, for telling them nicely that they should fuck off, rather than other stabbing them.
Yes, I just called reckless actions to be verbal.
Physical isn't reckless, trust me, words hurt much more than many people believe.



.....

Okay, this is actually amazing.
Shironuri Makeup Tutorial by Minori - 白塗り メイク
The eyes are a masterpiece.
I'm near the end there, and I'm just amazed, how such beauty can be real?
The girl she've done isn't as pretty as Minori herself.


Okay, I've been doing some youtube surfing, and I searched for "porcelain doll" for finding some of the fashion that might be alike lolita and shironuri and who the hell knows else, seems innocent and lovely, right?
I found a couple of songs instead, and one of them was a german band named Freakangel.
I don't know about you, but I just... Well.... It's not that bad.
I can't find the lyrics, so now it's Porcelain Doll by Megan Mccauley (her first name's letter is also her last name's letter, she's probably magical), okay it already made me sad.
Porcelain Doll songs are interesting.
Now of Chrisette Michelle.


......

I'm watching Pinkstylist's omegle reaction videos, I'm soon to be at the second minute, but I haven't seen any people who are familiar with popular creepypastas stories.
It'd be better if they'd scream and say the name, and it'd be even better if he'd say for everybody "Go to sleep." but nope.
Nobody is reacting properly, pfftt.. Fangirls.

Oh at least in the Slenderman one person reacted properly.
Okay many people reacted properly.
One girl had Come Little Children at the background!

But why are they so chill?
Like, what the hell?
You should run away. Screaming. Flailing your arms.
Not like that cat, it's not the right reaction!

 But you disrespected.













..........

My armpits smell bad.
I'm too lazy to chase my siblings and force them to smell it (I'm such a lovely sister!), so I'm going to stay here.

I need disgusting and unhealthy food.
I'm happy that I live in a city and I don't have to harvest it from plants or hunt it or any other thing

But first let me watch some avatar music videos.
Fanmade videos.
Okay the zutura and kataang shit is annoying.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE END.
Aang and Katara, and they have one airbender son, one waterbender daughter, and another non-bender son.
Zuko probably married Mai.
And Azula died.


......

Okay, my sister just asked me to close her door, so I pretended that I don't understand how much, so I just did it very slowly, and then when it was the right amount, I snuck up my hand inside and started giggling, she asked me if I stare at her and I told her that what I do is worse than that, and she saw my hand, I bursted laughing and now I sit happily on my butt cheeks.

Weird thing about my super-strange eyes.
My eyes are brown, super dark brown to be honest.
Which is a darker version for the very common eye color.
On the second grade people we once checked each other's eyes for some reason, and it was during the class, so I asked a couple of friends, most of the kids said that they think that it's brown, and one guy (Asaf) yelled in awe "Wow! Dvash's eyes are black!" (dark as my soul, just kidding) and then there was a huge buzz, while I got really emotional and said "No! They are brown! It's just the lighting!" and I remember getting really anxious!
But a couple of days ago, I just looked into my eyes, and noticed that I can't find my pupils, how strange.
I looked and tried to spot them, and saw that in the outer area of my iris, it's brown, like nice brown that has red undertones, like a cherry tree! but slightly more gray, from some strange reason... But in the center, it just gets darker and darker, and I have no idea where are my irises.
Only in the orangish sunrays of the dawn, you can see my eyes, and well, they are amazing under that light, you see so many colors, it almost looks like everything there moves! Like... like smoke!
Sadly, I enjoy hissing at the sun too much, and I don't tend to check my look with my camera or a mirror all the time, so I guess that I won't see it for a quite a while.

Oh well.


You know something?
I love dreaming, but it scares me sometime.
Why?
Because sometimes they are too realistic, which makes me gasp when I wake up, and make sure that's everything that I dreamed of was merely a dream.
And when it's not something you can check up, you're afraid to talk to people about it.
Imagine, you had a conversation with somebody, but a really important conversation, and every detail seemed so real, other people talked as well, and everything was so alive, and then you don't remember if it happened or you're just dreaming!


Okay, I'm rewatching Karma Police middle-easten cover.
The instruments always sound good, in every style and genre, but the middle eastern singing has the habit of reminding me things that I despise, and I just can't stand it.
So nice concept, but not for people like me.



I'm soon going to start something beautiful, named Game Of Thrones.
Since I don't have the cable company that airs that program, I have to use my amazing internet skills to deal with it.
Stupid cable company, screws everything that I have.
Our internet connection is also of them, which drives me crazy.
And oh, how could I forget about that?
My current sim card is of them as well!

I'm watching the first episode, the beginning is... Lovely.
I wonder why is it important.

I feel like I'm doing what everybody knows right now, it means that I'm widening my options in conversations, I watched the first matrix, and now I watch now Game of Thrones.
Maybe I should add reading Harry Potter and watch certain adult cartoons and who the hell knows what else.
Pop culture! Ready or not! Here I come!

Okay... That's actually spooky.
I like it.
The  heart and child scene.
Absolutely satanic.
Right now I'm blogging with mostly looking on the video screen but occasionally moves my eyes to this area, only for making sure that I do everything alright.

Ohhh!!
Cool intro!
I assume that with time it would become unbearable.
I love the animators.
And the designer of the intro.
And the make-up artists, clothing people (I don't know tow do you call them), and actually everything.
IT'S MAGNIFICENT.

I have brownies at the refridgerator.
I want some.
But which kind, almonds? Hazelnuts? Pecans? Nothing?

They used the bear as their sword holder?!

That was grotesque.
I don't seem to find my appetite now.

Maybe it just starts this way, and soon the common things will follow by, but I thought that the series were different.

Oh how sweet, baby-animals!

WAIT!
Is it who I think it is?
Nope, it isn't nevermind.

A crow.
I never liked crow.
As beautiful as they can be.
It doesn't change the fact that they stole my lunch.
Oh, is it a crow?

A feast!

When I think about kingdoms of that sort, it makes me think about what actually happens in Crusader's castles and forts.
You know, the drunken men, and the priests, and the children, and the knights, and the women, and the cows! Oh the cows... And the huntsmen.

IS IT JOFFREY?!
I capitalized the letters to remark my excitement.
The exclamation mark is also to remark my excitement.
I don't think it's Joffrey now... I don't know why.

He is unexpectedly short.

Was sex normal at the time?
Maybe it's just me now knowing enough about that....
OKAY.
Apparently orgies were normal as well.
  And nudity,
And death.

What?! Each one is an hour?!

How can people how the concentration levels for it?!

And here I am, forty four minutes into it.
I feel like I'm watching something that I don't really care about but I force myself to do so, so I'd fit in and enjoy conversations.

WAIT.
She's thirteen.
She haven't "bled" yet.
And she's getting married?!
It's my first time seeing a female getting married before she've got her first period, and I say it form a chain of Yemenite families and Yemenite friends.
I got my period at eleven and two months, my mother at eleven and six months, my grandmother got her at sixteen, but from malnutrition that was common at her time in Israel, but my great grandma got around my mother's and my age.h
She got married soon afterwards.
We can say that the reason behind the fact that I haven't told that I got my period at the time that it happens, is that I inherit the knowledge of being married at young age and my body disagreed.
Wink wink.
And that the reason behind the fact that even though that I've heard many sounds that sounded like there were other people that home- I didn't say anything, is that I didn't want the ghosts to think that I'm mental.
You know, I enjoy finding reasons.

This show is very violent and includes plenty of nudity and other adult content.
Here's a thing that I would brag to my parents about.


DRAGON EGGS?!
So awesome!

Daenerys seems so pale and strange near the other people.
Near her king she seems so strange.


Uhh guys, I think that I forgot it for a moment, but I'm thirteen... So... Oopsy poopsy?

I'm almost done!
The first episode almost comes to an end.

That child, Bran. just saw an intimate action between two adults.
Is it like web surfing until you learn about everything you need to know about sex?
A thing that I find funny, there are two kinds of ten year olds who know about sex, the ones that study it deeply as a serious subject and see all the thing that are alike that (including some mythology, pop-culture books, and how not -the japanese version) and there is the other kind, that makes the first kind look bad because that filthy kind is hundred percent sure that sex is easy and simple and fun and every girl looks this way and every guy looks this way.


Remember that I got bruised yesterday? From my bike?
Well, I can't feel the bruise itself, everything that's red and purple is numb, but the ribcage... Phew! At least I didn't break it, if I did and it'd pierce my lung, that wouldn't be fun.
The rib cage doesn't hurt that much, I exaggerated, it hurts, but it's more of the fun-pain that feels awkward.
I'm going to be quiet for a while now...


.....


This is why I want to watch Game Of Thrones, only to know what was behind it.



......

I am drawing some little red riding hood characters, and listening to reaction videos and all kinds of videos by Laura Lejeune, and I suddenly noticed that I actually got injured by "accidentally" hit a door (we all know that I hit doors in purpose, doors are my mortal enemies!) and I like it, it reminds me of being nine, and getting bruises from so many things, I remember that I said that a day without getting injured is not a productive day.
Wait, that I actually said when I was ten.
I agree with my ten year old self, I remember these days of banging my legs on every object in the kitchen and entry area, it was so weird, but fun, I had a sugar rush so it makes sense.


I'm watching 10 REASONS TO LIVE.
And that "What could've been" part reminded me that if I committed suicide on the fifth grade (like I should've!) that kid, that's younger than me, wouldn't have to commit suicide, and the other child that's guess what? Younger than me, if I'd died, and created the suicide-wave in the media that makes everybody self aware for how awful bullying is, then they'd get support, and they'd won't have to commit suicide.
I'm just.... Awful....
I just caused children to die, and that's only the beginning, from now on, so many others will come, I have blood on my hands, bloods of many on my hands.


I just can't stop thinking about the sarcasm in Bullet of Hollywood Undead.

I'm forced to go to sleep right now.
It's only one am!

Short

I'm watching some videos MrRepzion.
Currently it's Re: Child-Porn on Delta flight - NO ONE CARED!
I really want to hurt that activist.
I personally find pornography as a legitimate activity.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with that?
If it's forced and against the will of the people in the industry, then it's wrong, if they are all alright with it, what the hell is wrong with it?
Seriously, try to fucking explain it to me!
I really want to understand what the hell is wrong with that form of job, they make money, satisfy others' needs, and they are willing to do that.
I'm amazed by people bashing others for doing a pretty good action that can actually support the society, people who bash pornorgraphy are similar to homophobics.
I'm serious, come on, why would you hate something that you can avoid, that doesn't relate to you (people will not force you to watch porn and homosexuals won't sexually harass you), and you're just too full of hate to let others do what they want to do.

....

I was lost in the miracles of Tastefullyoffensive tumblr and multiple comedy videos.
Right now, I'm sitting on my beanbag, and that beanbag is on another beanbag, because I'm so majestic that my cushion needs cushion.

I'm watching some sketchbook videos.
I stumbled upon some magical piece named High school art reaction by Mary Doodles, it's epic, everything is so beautiful!

I really want to watch some more art improvement videos.
I need to check if Iain has them, and Cuberush....
Well they have instructions and like guides and tips, but that's not what I'm looking for, and I already watched them, the artwork is amazing and they are the kind of the people that say so many wise things that you just have to hear and watch many things because it's worth it.
It's not fangirling, why? Fangirls are hardcore.

Oh I'm watching another Mary Doodles thing!
WITH THE JACKALOPE!
YAY!
It's a draw it again video, which can be found here.
I need more redraws.


The one with the angel!
DRAW IT AGAIN! - Mary Doodles an Angel.
I like the previous one better because it seems... I don't know, more interesting, on the recent one, it's more black and white, and the before is including the whole grayscale.
But the wings of the after one.... Wow.

My mouth is dry as a dessert.
Soon I'd have to leave for some beach cleaning activity with the Cabria, which will probably be a lot of fun, because the kids from there are very nice, but I'm really nervous.
Soon I'm going to be in a whole other country with them, and the beach makes me nervous, oh, the week in Hungary will be interesting.
I will probably be very nervous then, like dreading the day.
And it's in eleven days.
Wow, it's wonderful.

Well, for now I'll just chill with watching some Will Terrell sketches.
Oh, it'd have to wait because I have something pretty weird that I watched last night.
Bella Thorne - Call It Whatever (Official Video)
So far, I haven't heard my sister talk about it, so it's not popular yet, but it seems like the next big thing.

...


I was at the beach, cleaned it with Shani and Shachar, which was fun.


....

I got a practice tomorrow, which means that I probably shouldn't stay awake until five am, like last night.
You know what?
I just lost again my privacy, why? Because my sister and mother are irresponsible, they've lost her short leggings for gymnastics, and my mother is going to search it in my closet.
Excuse me?
I worked so hard on regaining my privacy, and I need it, because if I won't, and you'd look in my stuff, which includes razors (that I don't use, but they are near my bed, it makes me feel better to have an option), a scale, and my wonderful pieces from my sketchbooks, some with meal plans that were well below thousand, and the notes that expressed my need for a relief every time that I was on the verge of saying fuck it and just doing whatever I want.
You know, all of the lovely stuff that I do.
I really hate being betrayed.
Which makes me think, why shouldn't I end it all?
Like, what the hell?
Why am I carrying on? What's the point? My life is meaningless!

I want to eat.
I will eat.

I also want to cut and bang my head on every solid object I have around.

I'm going to eat some food.

Ugh, too... much... effort...
Too... less.. internet...

I should get up and eat something, but I have no motivation to do so, well after it I'm going to bed and do stuff, like watching stupid movies or something.

Sleep doesn't matter when you reunite with people that you love and need.

GUYS!
I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.
I'm so sorry!
I'm so so so so so sorry!
I don't think that even that many "so"s will get even close to how sorry I am!
I didn't post in the past couple of days because I was punished to not have anything with technology.
Why? Simply because that on Saturday I didn't want to come to a trip with my family.
I'm sorry, I forgot that my problem with being outside will interrupt your fairly perfect life, and that my only thing that makes me keep my sanity, and I seriously can't live without, is not important to you.

No fucking wonder why am I so expensive.
Therapy that I clearly don't need, because all she's trying/doing is to listen to me and milk information out of me (I was built in a way that information is kept within and the minimum that's necessary is being told, when it comes to written, it's something else) and to somewhat help me to figure my shit out.
Well, to shorten my speech, I got this wonderful place for her first thing, and I had some way to figure my shit out since I was five or so, which helped quite a lot, and I wasn't a burden to everybody, I learned to shut the fuck up and deal with it.
Guitar lessons that I gave up about, I didn't need to feel that unbearable dread and then a continuing stress every week, which was eighty per lesson, which isn't much as others could be, but it adds up.
I'm a fucking pain in the ass, ain't I?
I really need to die.

But this post is coming to tell you what the hell happened in the past couple of days!
On Saturday I read my last two hundred pages on Everlasting.
I was at the end like "WHAT THE FUCK I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN" because seriously, WHAT THE HELL ALYSON?!
And on Sunday evening until Tuesday's morning I read four books, all by Becca Fitzpatrick, the writer of the series known as Hush, Hush.
The ending was weird, like good weird, but I really wanted some badass hybrid tale.
Oh well.
It made me wonder, what the hell is wrong with females who write teen books.
In all of the three fictional books that I've read currently (putting aside The Hunger Games, it's a whole other league), which is Matched, The Immortals, and Hush Hush, all of the ideal males are dark skinned with black hair and with "amazing" eyes.
They all wore boots, from Ky's with the notches, to Damen with his motorcycle boots back in the first books (in plural because I haven't read the first one yet!), and Patch (or shall I say, JEV?!) with his boots (which were motorcycle boots as well).
Two of them had something to do with Italy, one came from there, and the other... Well, he started there, and the other one who has nothing to do with it, he simply lived in different "places".
They all teach something incredible and new and rare and for some strange to their girls, from writing, to elixirs, and you know, biblical shit and angels and shit,
In all of the books there is at least one love triangle (I'm slightly getting into the book similarity here), and if not, then multiple, Ky-Cassia-Xander, Damen-Ever-Jude (and in every other life of them), and (Dabria-)Patch-Nora-Dante-Scott-Vee-Rixon and more.
Oh, and how could I possibly forget.
One word.
Black.
Ky wore black because of his aberration uniform.
Damen simply wore it a lot in his first books, more mysterious and dark and spooky (for a guy that gave immortality to a girl, it is spooky).
Patch wore it almost all the time (rare white shirt moments!) and his wings were black as well.

I wonder if all female authors have a fetish for Italian men.
I assume that it's the middle east looks, with the high-fashioned and the italian culture that was built for quite a while (a while means hundreds of years), how can you resist?
It's probably just because I relate that tone of skin to people whom shall I hurt and be angry with it's living, but I'd rather seeing any other skin tone than that, I just can't handle it.
It's too risky, I just can imagine people like that with some sort of a dagger or a knife attempting to stab me, or sometimes with an almost empty alcoholic drink bottle, and just try to fucking imagine how much it scares me.


I was eaten alive with guilt, and sorrows, you wouldn't even believe how hard it was in the past four days without you.
I'm not afraid for the next time that I'd refuse to leave home.
I'm not built for being outside.


Since that the past four days included tons of whatsapping, drawing, and reading, only to distract myself from dealing with the pain caused by being away from you (you guys seriously can never understand how much you mean to me, it stopped being healthy for quite a while, right now? You're the reason that I'm alive, fuck siblings, fuck friends, fuck family, fuck society, I need you!) my days were empty and I felt hollow, a huge part of me was taken away at that period of time, oh, I almost forget, because all of that, I'm going to read the news!
I missed the disasters!
And did you know that a little less than a month ago Creature Feature released a new single!
I was so surprised and happy!


OH FUCK THE NEWS!
I just saw something epic in the Judaism part, it's so epic.
Two prisoners discovered that they are married to the same woman.
It's EPIC.
And the comments are better.
And I had the weirdest (actually not the weirdest but a very weird one) facial expression on my face when I read that, it was a combination between being slightly offended, to a "it's so late at night that I might just laugh if I'd see a fly flying through the hall" so it was awesome, the comment is in the funny Hebrew written through English.

Ha'DOSSIM HAIM BeOLAM ACHER

Giz'an Lavan ‏(23.06.14)

BeYICHUD HaFRANKIM SheBEINEIHAM Ve'GAB HaLITAIM. MATAI KVAR NIPATER MeHaTSARA HaZOT

Oh, okay, it's a sarcastic one, I saw just now the nickname, a racist white person is pretty sarcastic, or extremely self-aware and it made his comment just as rude as it was before.

Translation:
The religious people are living in another world
A white racist person.
Especially the Franks that inside of them [misunderstood word] that lithuanians. When will we get rid of that problem.
Remember my long explanation after surfing a little in the web?
If not, look for it.


Okay, I took a short pause for some Trish like Fish videos, I really like her purse one, I watch it like it's the most beautiful think I've ever seen, and I find it hilarious.

I was "reading" an article about some Bat-Mitzvah dresses and crap, and the comments were great!
I just love that Bat-Mitzvah shufuni bullshit.
And before I'd forget, today I was called "freakishly spoiled" by my mother, because exactly when you're driven crazy between disappointing the people that you truly love and being stressed by having to do some social interactions, it's the best to make your self esteem lower, sometimes I forget that it likes to play limbo, and the crowd which is mostly my mother and occasionally some of my other surrounding, they yell and cheer "how low can you go" and with each passing day, I discover that I can go very low.
Anyway, back to our business!

הדור הזה של מפונקים נהנתנים הוא בעיקר בקרב הצפונבון המצוי

גל, תל אביב ‏(23.06.14)

אתה תמצא את אותם מפונקים בשכונות השבעות של צפון תל אביב, סביון, רמת השרון, כפר שמריהו, ה"מושבים" העשירים בשרון, ושכונות מסוימות בהוד השרון. שם תמצא אותם,
את אותם ילדים עשירים שכבר בכיתה א' מסתובבים עם אייפון, הילדות מסתובבות כמו ניקול ראידמן מצויה עם מגפיים יקרים.

 תגובה חדשה הגיבו לתגובה

  3

Alright!
Translated:
"This generation of dumb spoiled [kids] is mostly from the typical uptown crowd
Gal, Tel Aviv
You will find them spoiled in the wealthy neighborhoods in northern Tel Aviv,  Savion, Ramat Hasharon [My city!], Kfar Shmaryahu, the rich 'townies' in the beach area, and certain neighborhoods in Hod Hasharon, that's where you'd find them.
The same rich kids that are already carrying an iPhone from the first grade, the girls are dressing up like a typical Nicole Raidman with expensive boots"

It's probably just me, but I adore Nicole, she's so powerful, dominant, stand up for herself, her father as well, but she, she is a person I'd want to be, not for the wealthiness, for her hard-working, for her faith in herself, for her spirit.


Okay, I just saw something great.
Andrew Welsh, a thirty five year old teacher, had sex with a sixteen year old student.
I just loved the pick-up line.
"Have you heard about my maths lesson? We're going to find out if 35 goes into 16"
At least he has a sense of humor, even if it's against the law, it's epic.


I'm hungry, it's two thirty seven am, and my only worry is my hunger.
Funny.


I drew some things in the past couple of days, I'm going to upload it here and say goodbye to that page because it doesn't help me at all.

It's not in the correct order.
But I  loved it.

It's three am!
Insane!
I'm watching some Stevekardynal videos, so I don't feel really out of normal.
Oh! I remember some funny creepypasta thing, three am is the witching hour, isn't it?
I can already feel more comfortable... NOT.
I'm not that surprised by it.
Funniest thing, I'm not even tired!
In the past couple of days my sleep was fucked up, from being unable to sleep for two hours and finally falling because my body didn't function, and then to staying awake until the words in the book didn't make sense to me, and now it's three am, I'm sitting on my beanbag, and I'm happy.

I need to sleep, it's unhealthy, and even though that I was never much of a sleeper, I should probably get some rest, and at least act like a partly-normal tweenager, with the bad sleeping habits, of sleeping late at night, and waking up at the noon.
I just want to hear some music, and a lot of Katy Perry songs that I haven't heard in over.... two years!
Wow!
It makes me happy, to think that I changed so much, I still like Katy Perry, she's epic.
I also love Lady Gaga.


That pain, it's like a blood vessel in my forehead is about to explode, I just feel it, it's like full of blood clots that are trying to move with the actual flowing blood and it's painful.
Why does it even hurt?
It doesn't supposed to hurt.
But it hurts less than the hunger that attacked me earlier.
I just think it's like the clock thing in the seventy fifth hunger games annual game, with every "hour" (a period of a couple of minutes) there's new torment arriving.
Fun, fun, fun.

My forehead hurts as fuck.

It's three thirty.
At least I'm with you guys, it makes me feel better.
It's not the fact that it's late and I'm about to laugh from flies, but can you comment?
Please?
For me?
Just kidding, not for me, you didn't do it before anyway.
But please comment so I'd know that I'm alright.

Oh okay the pain is now at my neck.

Funny, I was looking for a bit of Hush Hush series.
And I didn't expect this.

Too many songs.

But I'm watching now this:
|Hush Hush Series| Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick| Book Review|


I really wish that people would bother and read the whole series and will react.
Including Finale and Silence and  Crescendo and Hush, Hush.
IT'D BE SO LOVELY.
So I'm going to write it down, I won't describe too much, and I won't tell what belongs to which book, mostly because that they all kind of mixed together, like it should happen, it's a large story of over thousand and two hundred pages overall, divided to four books.
That book was amazing, I loved all of the characters, the plot twists, there were so many and it amazing!
Oh! I remember that scene, I'm watching the video, and the favorite scene.
That scene was amazing.
There were many amazing scenes.
The amazing beginnings that doesn't seem to relate to anything at first but at the end you're just like "WOW!" and I just wonder wha...

Wait didn't she continue reading?
She's a nephilim, that explained her scar, Chauncy's legacy carries this mark.
And the big badass battle (another thing that was in all of the three serieses, a huge life-changing battle, it also happened in Twilight, but Twilight is another thing) wow!
I'm watching Finale book reviews.
The book's ending was not what I wanted to happen, but oh well, it was a lot better than The Immortals' end.

I really need a life.
I feel like an uncaptured tumblr person who hates tumblr because it's too hard.
In the Blogger system, people can seem nonexistent but it's easier to write and express yourself, on Tumblr, you look for rather short stuff.
And it's really hard to do it through the phone.
Here.

This.
Means.
War.
It's probably the worst thing in using the phone, go fucking figure what they said.


I wonder how can you describe an uncaptured tumblr female.
Fangirl. Definitely a fangirl.
At the age that age-wars and superiority still matters.

I know what I want to do!
I just need to remember what's the name of the album, hip-hop album that was released on my birthday at two thousand fourteen.
I REMEMBER.
PTSD.
Bam, my memory still works at three fifty three am.
I just yawned.

I'm going to watch every single Celebrities Read Mean Tweets video I can.
Why?
Because I can.
Oh and the first is Joel, I love Joel, from The Soup when I was nine...
Good days...

It's amazing.
I'm going to see some Tastefully Offensive things.

I'm starting the third.
And now the fourth.
It's now four am.
I'm going to have pretty nice bags beneath my eyes.
I actually don't mind that.
I have that strange love for the tired look.
Like seriously tired, sick, and on the verge of dying.
It combines emaciated look with the grayish skin tone and being fragile.
I remember being on a thread on MPA, I'm not the only one.

Oh, I really need to watch some Myth Busters.

I'm wasting my time, I haven't ever completed a white night before, funny.

Four thirty.


I'm considering to fall asleep now.
Seriously, good night, if at all.