Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Betrayed.


I feel fat. 
I feel betrayed. 
I feel like opening my backpack. 
I don't know for what, razors or food.
In both ways it'll end up just like it did before. 
Self harm cycle, or binge eating cycle. 
I'm truly disgusting. 
And I feel betrayed. 
There's that literature film. 
At the last moment, I'm getting kicked out!
WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE. 
Now, I'm not getting the bonus. 
And you bitches (and male bitches), are taking away the thing I need. 
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT F MY GRADES ARE GETTING LOW IN GETTING KICKED OUT OF RAM?!
I'll be out of it, and then what?
What disorder should I pick?
I can find drugs. 
But nah, too expensive, too much waste, and those are not even the good ones. 
Sleeping pills are cheaper and better. 
Pain killers. 
I'd rather grow something simple. 
When I pick, it's more like I'm leaning towards it, and then when I fall, I fall hard in it. 

...

I'm such a failure. 
I don't know what happened, my legs didn't seem to help me finishing the high jump. 
I don't got through meter. 
I'm much better than that. 
I want to cut myself. 
Again. 
I already did. 
Today. 
I just sat there, I opened my pencil case right before English, and made a small one. 
Then, after checking it up few times in that 45 minute period, I went to the bathroom, tried deeper, and failed, I covered it in some toilet paper, and tightened it with a hair tie, it made me feel worse, looking at those barely hurting cuts. 

I just hate myself so much right now. 
And what am I supposed to do?
Try to focus on turning happy?
Yeah right, never helps. 

I see all the people who promised me truth, I see all the girls who are skinnier than me, I see all the guys saying how fat I am, I hear and see all those people, their words, and then I look at myself, knowing how true it is. 
I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm pathetic. 

I'm on the verge of crying, and I want to excresise off my heart. 
I think I would, if I could stay in school and do it, I would.
But I can't. 
I'm going today to Helena today. 

I have another place where this name is from. 
Tal, a girl from my class, gave me the paper she wrote in English, it's like on being a fortune teller (FUCK! Now I get it! It's fucking EVER and SABINE), and as she says, I'll get married to a wealthy person named George (she's obsessing with this name), twins named with two named I don't remember, and a daughter named Helena, with all of this happinnnes, George and I are currently divorced, and the whole family -separated, and I'm now with Helena- are stuck in Thailand because there's a storm. 

Depressing that even in the future kids expect a divorce. 

.....

My shoulder hurts.
No wonder why, leaning my whole disgusting torso's weight on it.

...


I want more thigh-scars. 
I want to see on daily basis my thighs in the fucking spectrum colors. 
I want it red and blue and sometimes yellow. 
So many bruises. 
Why?
Because each time that I'm doing sports, my legs will find a way to get hurt. 
And I want it to happen. 
And I don't want arm and hand scars. 
Because they relate to food. 
Rage will be burnt in legs, calories in hands. 
Deal with it. 
Fucking stupid of me to create rules if it's okay to cut or not, and if it is, then where or how and when. 
Fucking ridiculous. 

Well, I definatley felt like shit today, and if my mother will comment tomorrow about my eating habits, I'd feel even worse. 
The less I'd eat, the faster I'll get there, and my binges won't hold me back as much. 

That's it. 
And I wasn't forced today. 

I want to cut. 
When I'll be eighteen (in five years and few months [2 and around 15-17 days]), I'll cut my wrists. 
Why?
Because then nobody can tell me not to. 
And I'll be legal. 
Completely legal. 

Maybe I'll go for another country. 
To celebrate it. 
It's anyway falls on Passover. 
I'll just celebrate in somewhere I'll be able to drink, talk, learn, cut, enjoy. 

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Completely fake.

I'm reading now a huge post about wannorexics, in my opinion, it's the best one, some are fucking pissed, some are trying to explain maturely. 
Yeah, good luck with that. 
Nobody understands everything you say this way, why?
Because when you're determined to get something, you'll fucking get it, and fuck the rest, because you already set a target, and it's yours. 
I personally believe that I'm the worst (or best) case of those things. 
The stupidest girl who is putting her in purpose to do so, though she was never supposed do. 
I'm the wannorexic. 
I'm the fake one. 
I'm not in real problems. 
The only problem with me, is that I don't know my blood type and I have no fuckung idea why am I still breathing. 

...

I have no idea what made people to love so much music. 
Or at least using the drum app phone and to make weird vocal sounds (including that cool owl sound), because it's so weird. 
And I'm talking to you only because I finished all of my homework in science under twenty minutes. 
It was easy, so yeah. 
I'm just reading the same thread. 

I guess I'll feel fake until somebody will fucking slap it to my face, and even then I won't believe them. 
After all, this world is filled with liars. 


...

Fuck, I just skipped you all the time. 
Well, long rant short, this is it. 

Tomorrow I'll be forced to eat. 
My mother told me it today. 
And it's chicken breast. 
Fucking chicken. 
I have two options (main, not my divided inner ones), or to eat it and suffer silently, or to not and risk a punishment. 
I just can't bring myself to eat it. 
Meat and I?
I don't think so. 
Do you have an idea what happened to that chicken? To his mother? To his brothers? To everything?
It's so cruel and disgusting. 
How can people eat it?!
I feel like I'll be tearing down lives, innocent six week old cocks (slightly giggles, because after all, I just said penis), and they didn't do anything wrong. 
Marry Antoinette was less cruel (I love her, but I also love a lot of things that won seem normal, or very ethical), and she didn't give a fuck about the poor. 

So, I'd try to avoid eating much, and I will complelty check my options before anything. 
I'm sick of that I'm so fat (I'm 55 again, after two day binge it's obvious, yet, I truly hope it's the food that wasn't digested yet and poop weight), and my mother is worrying about me growing an eating disorder. 
I'm not. 
I'm fake. 

I also want to say why if the punishment is no laptop for XYZ time, I'd rather eat it, I'm trying to practice even harder, now I'm drawing somethings (plural paintings), and I want to be better. 
Like if it's one day, well yeah it sucks but it's doable, but if it's for the weekend I'd rather eat, I can survive as long as it's not on Friday and Saturday. 
If it is, fuck this shit. 

Im such a failure, for everything. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

54

I'm 54. 
I just lost more. 
And yesterday I was bummed because you the scale showed a 55!
Ha!
They were right, the weight loss when you're overweight is faster. 
One day it'll be hard, but I won't break. 

And you know what I like about my eating?
Even if I binge it's not that bad. 

Oh, and on Wednesday there's a slight chance to miss a meal. 
Why?
I'm going to Yoav's place for the ballad film, because on Friday, there's a birthday for my cousin and it's after school in the north. 
Well, I guess it's better than a headache from guitar (with promising to myself that I can have a breakdown later), and to suffer among kids. 

...

Two girls in my class are failing miserably to tell a joke. 
I got it, but it's not as funny as what Nir just said. 
"The two things I hate the most is racism and Arabs".
I found it funny. 

...

I ate the cupcake. 
It makes me sick now. 
But anyway, today I'm making a large amount of deliciousness. 
Why?
Because I like it. 
And I love tweaking all of my recipes to fit my needs. 
Yesterday, I made a quick-bread (or shortbread, depends what translation you prefer), the original recipe calls for cherry tomatoes and cheese and pistachios and eggs. 
I didn't have any of those. 
And I don't like to put cheese on bread. 
So what did I do?
I read online about replacing option for eggs, because I needs to glue them in some way, I saw something with tomato paste, my favorite kind of sauce and spread. 
So I added some almond milk and some tomato sauce and created such a rich flavor to a bread. 
And because I needed some filling, I picked my best friend, the onion. 
I just love onions after they're baked or fried, they taste so sweet!
It made my bread become more wet then normal bread because of the milk, and a delicous flavor thanks to the tomato paste, and incredible addition of sweetness that fits the plain slightly-salty because of the onion. 
Crap. 
I'm starting to become like Pig or the chef from back at the barnyard, and even worse, Eyal Shani (he got some cooking shows that annoys me), they all talk about food like it's the most perfect thing, if there was nobody in the room, they might have start to sexually abuse a fuckin tomato or something. 

...

I'm now 54.5, I really hope it's all just food weight.
I feel stupid.
Why?
Because I actually thought that people might have a tiny bit if affection towards me. 
I was thinking all wrong. 
Well, at least now I know.
Nobody will ever love me, and if somebody says so, he's lying. 
Or she's. 
But with humans it's obvious that they will lie. 

...

I just want to die. 
But I have couple of few years until that. 
It's something about my death, that just facisnating me. 
Usually, it will be how, and who will crash first, but now, it's more about time.
Will it be a car crash or a for or another accident in my late twenties, or just a nice pleasing heart failure during my sleep on my late nineties?
That idea of kids in that sounds so weird. 
Me? And babies? Yeah right. 
But I know it will all change by the right time. 
Gladly, now I got no time for stressing over babies. 
Condoms pills and pregnancy checks will be carried close to me all the time.
I don't want to end up carrying a life in me while being in school. 

...

You know, sometimes, I look in the mirror and say to myself "it's your fault", and I know I'm right, I know that I own the blame, I ate my feelings away instead of properly crying and tearing to pieces in my bed while reading about people who self harm, and calling myself a 'fucking pussy' because my problems aren't as bad. 
And others I just stand there and say "I don't deserve this", because sometimes I feel that I don't deserve having a thinner mother, or a BED father, or such a shitty life, but then, five minutes later, after pinching the fat, checking my wrist, feeling my heart beating, I know that I deserve this, I'm the one who deserves it the most. 
And I don't care anymore. 
I just want to be able to wear a mask and be called lovely. 
I just want to be who I should be. 
I'm disgusted by myself an I'm getting sick only by looking at my naked body. 
I'm ashamed. 



Well, it's bed time. 
I'm going to check up on some random sites until ten thirty and then I'll fall asleep. 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Bored by your lives.

Now I know my bmr and bmi.
I calculated them by myself. 
My exact bmi (weight is 55 height is 160), is 21.484375.
Nice.
It's just kg/cm/cm•10,000. 
You divide your weight in kg by your height in cm (55/160=0.34375), then you do it again (0.34375/160=0.0021484375) and then you multiply it by ten thousand (0.0021484375•10,000=21.484375)

I'm a machine. 
A fucking calculator. 
Why am I so proud and why do I claim to be one?
Because I already made all the BMI's for all the weight options. 
I have underweight (which is 44.8 kg, BMI 17.5) overweight (64 kg, BMI 25), my current weight (55 kg, BMI 21.484375), and I'll verify them later, maybe on the few minutes I have in home. 

My day's schedule is finishing at three, then going to buy low cal energy drink and gum or mints or something, then, stay in the stadium, on four I'm in the practice, and around at five I'm finishing it, by 5:45 I'm hundred precent home. 
Until 6:15 I finished showering. 
At six thirty I'm going to Yoav's apartment for making the ballads movie (along with other kids). 
Until eight thirty I'm home. 
I'm drawing/ blogging/ googling/ hiding/ weighing/ drinking/ other until nine thirty. 
Nine thirty in bed, waiting for tomorrow. 
Tomorrow, waking up early and weighing myself again. 
I'll obviously write my weight in here and on MPA. 

....

Great, a fucking mood change under two minutes flat. 
I was happy, I completed 2 kilometer run (1km, 5min rest, 1km), but then, I've been told that I'll have to continue with the usuals, that I can't continue with Yael. 

Why do I always let myself to be happy before time?
I feel like I'm always wrong. 
Nothing will never be okay with me, I guess. 

Nothing is ever okay. 
Who even adapted this word to every little occasion?

Nothing is okay with the fact that my ankle is aching, it wants so bad a cut, a burn, any kind of long-lasting punishment. 
Nothing is okay with the fact that I weigh 55 kilograms. 
Nothing is okay with the fact that I have solutions if everything. 
Nothing is okay that I'm obsessed with math, and calculating for more than two hours (120 minutes, it's pretty much 3 school hours), BMI, and BMR, and calories, and weight. 
Nothing is okay with the fact that I always start to do what I want, and then, scared and go back to hide in my closet of desires. 

I'm a fucking monster. 
Like in Rihanna's music (it was played a minute ago in Maya's uncle's car), in drowning my real self, and she deals with it, getting along with the freak.

...

I'm in my room.
Sad.
My scale says 55.
I really hope it's just the food weight.
I'll check again after I'll wake up.

I want a hug.
Can somebody volunteer?
Well, if you just did, then, can I get it in around ten years or so?
After army, while welcoming you, for living together with me.
We are a family, you know.
Not blood-related (unless my alien powers are sending waves to you), but we actually understand, or willing to, or just came here by accident.
I'm all of it, if thinking about it.

...

Well I have two (or three if considering the first one for two because it have two things) things to say and show and write.









Like it?
The blonde one I finished just now!
I'm starting something new soon.

And now the second thing.
I will never understand psychologists.
Espacially preteen-teen-young-adults psychologists.
Sweeties, the children themselves can't figure out their lives or their own personallity, so how are you supposed to?
You are nothing but a comfort for parents.

Bored by your lives.

...


I found another weird habit of mine.
It's weird (in a somewhat good way), but it's better for me.
Like, a one thing that attracts me in binges, is the playing with the silverware afterwards.
I actually consider making ones, because explaining why you have an expensive brand's knife, is never good for me, or for my worried mother, or hysterric about injuries father.
I'd like to design a fork, or a knife, I don't like spoons, unless they are long, thin, gentle teaspoons.

Maybe I'll buy some and enjoy ruining them, painting them, curving them, and carving into them.
We'll see.
I can always visit shops, in my way back home, tomorrow is good.

From yesterday, epicly long.

This is embarrassing.
I wrote a huge post about the crazy day I had, and it didn't save it, so the text is only in my computer, I'll post it when I'll be home, probably when I'll wait for the falafel will be ready. 

I'm walking for school again. 
The reason of "missing the bus" is just a pathetic excuse for the fact I wanted to know if the store with the scale is open around twelve. 
And it's always nice to walk to school. 
It's always surprising. 
Sometimes I meet friends, others I see the guys from the sport classes gossiping. 

I just walked near a chocolate shop. 
And the albums one, I didn't know that we had one in my city until Sunday!

Oh!
Here's Sapir!

...

I feel like there's no reason to even pretend that I'm alive until I'm twenty. 
Like, if this is life, then what is hell?
I have no idea how I am supposed to understand what's x if -6+3(5-7x)=9-10x!

...

Never mind. 
I understood it by myself. 
It's not fair that I have to do it all by myself, half of it I'm guessing.
At least it makes me become a better solver. 

..

Okay, remember that u said embarrassing. 
Well, I purchased a scale. 
Embarrassing, but so worth it!
I bought the mechanical one. 
The seller asked me "what? Are you fat? Do you need to weight yourself? Look at you like a chick" chick as the young form of chicken. 

I have a good plan, tomorrow my family will be out anyway, a picnic. 
I will have the time for going, and I'll tell my parents that I want to get better at the long runs, so I'll go to the stadium an will have as much as I can, minimum 1 km, my goal is two, with five minutes rest between, and I'd really like to climb for three. 
I feel so good with the scale. 
It's in y backpack now. 
I'm going to be so happy. 
Now I'll be able to feel whole.

....

My weight is 55.
Well, pretty much 55, it says that it can be around 1.2+-, so whatever.
Well, it's good, one kilogram off!
I'm happy with it.
I guess, I am.

...

I'm after the white night.
It was so much fun!
I was the watcher of the yellows.
I loved it!
Shiri, Idan (which is usually a guy's name but she's a girl, who is adorable!), Jonathan, Omri (so cute!), and Tomer!
I love them.
But again, as always, there will be the sweetheart of the night.
It was a tiny girl named Amalia, and she was so adorable!
She was also the little sister in the storyteller abendoned-sisters-evil-giant-king-and-queen story, she was really energetic.

And we didn't eat any pizza today, weird.
But I guess it's good, because they had cookies and chocolate milk, it worked like laxatives to me, the weird stomach and bowel sounds of "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" were annoying, but, I deserve it.
....

I'm always surprised by that shit I found special that was never published.
Well, again, photographs.
I quote.
Pictures;
Popular girl; 100+ likes.
Aaverge pretty; 45 likes
Unpopular; 4
-.-
Status; "omg I hate you"
Popular girl- 89 likes
Averege; 10-33 likes
Uunpopular; 1

FUCK EVERYONE
-motionless

And I find it silly.
It requies too many relationships! (I almost wrote relationshits, which is partly true, because it never ends good anyway).
I have fifty facebook friends.
I don't need many, whatsapp is my communication app anyway.

Oh and now it's the so famous "your Music is satanic" me: I know there so evil.
I'm not joking, they need to at least learn to spell, if they are not dyslexic, or it's not their mother language.
Like, good job, nailing the White Trash tag.
Good for you.
But it's making me think.
Does everybody got at least one superhero costume?
I always knew we have two spidermans, one helped me to scare my brother, because of the mask, recently I discovered our batman one, and  I think we have a superman one, we used to have a kangroo and an Ash Katcham one, if we only have a matching pikachu/tortwig/squirtle/pretty-much-every-pokemon-because-he-did-got-'em-all.

And here is my hairy problems!
It's pissing me off every time when I see this haircut, it's so annoying!
So, ugh.
It's worse than the feminstic opnions worthless arguements.
It's the both side cut, and in the middle it's like flipping to the side.
It reminds me a dad cat.
Bonus cats if it's a ginger cat, aka, Ada.

Another post.
I'm really scared okay but i think I'm starting to like girls:( what am I going to do?
I have so many options, most of them ends with death, of one or of many, depends.
I think that every drastic change/disaccepted opnion should end with a massacre, but it's only me.
But worst case, you're a lesbian.
Which is not as bad considering that it's more socially acceptable than before, I personally invite you for the pride parade, it's recommneded to wear a bulletproof vest, after all, nobody wants to get a shot.


And here is that "talking to strangers online is the best thing in my life".
You saved my sanity, now I can be censord crazy in the outside and not hiding it in the closet under the door to Narnia.

I always fall for this one.
It's starting this way "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY MY FATHER TOOK ME INTO THE CITY TO SEE A MARCHING BAND.." I assume you know the rest (if not type azlyrics and what I wrote, most chances are that you will find it), and I always think that his/her father actually did something!
Like, come on, the fucking marching bands suck in our city.
It's mostly one of the music school, with a shitload of kids, and the other is one school that never gets enough attention.
Each year it gets worse and shittier, sometimes litteraly, thanks to that horse.

You know what I like about Israeli fan-girls.
They are all the same.
Like, OMG AHAH, HAHA, doubled letters and alike.
And of course, there's a room, covered in Black Beil Brides posters (I assume that it costed more than a hundred dollars worth), and some girl named Ilana said "I wish I had this room !!!".
Now, you can get the posters, I want the size!
I don't care about posters, like it's cool, but the internet can be used for that, I use springpad, and just save links, like, it's not that hard, you know.
And it's way better.
I don't need those 1567 ballads to know Edward Edward (hisses to think about it).
And this is very disturbing when posters include them looking furiously at you, or partly naked.
USE CLOTHES.
YOU DON'T WANT LANUGOU DON'T YOU?!


FUCK YOU.
I'M DONE.
I'M SO DONE.
ZOMBIE BOY'S TATTOOES AREN'T EVIL.
HE'S NOT A MONSTER.
HE'S A FUCKING HUMAN BEING, WITH A BEAUTIFUL ART.

STUPID BITCHES.


I hate you stupid fans who have no idea.
Stay Strong wrist tattoos of Demi Lovato.
Bulimia anybody?!


I still like it.
"Last week, photos surfaced of Justin Biber somking marijuana. Fans of Justin Bieber were really upser, and fans of marijuana were really EMBARRASSED."
Ha-fucking-Ha.
But, for real, Justing should remember that burning yourself too quickly is dangerous.


I just saw a super-hero themed comics, and it reminds me!
GAL GADOT IS GOING TO BE SUPERWOMAN FOR THE NEXT THREE MOVIES.
Including Superman vs. Batman.
I don't know on who I should bet.
On one side, batman had a back-up plan, in case one turns evil, but superman, well, he's superman, and well, one neck-crack, and bye bye.

Why would anybody want to be a koala.
They just sit on poisonous trees and getting high all daay from it's leaves.
I'd rather be an elephant, or a lion.
They can do any shit (including smearing shit), and nobody can tell them not to.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE ASIAN PEOPLE.
IN ALL OF THEIR AGES THEY LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO HUG THEM!
When they are young, their heads are just huge on their bodies, and it's reqiuing an "AWW!", and when they grow, you just "UHHH!", and when they are older, you just have no diea how old they are! They are just young, and never getting old, and when they're old, they are just as squishable.


My favorite sims incident, MARKHAM.
LIKE ON MATCHED/CROSSED/REACHED'S KY.
Too bad he didn't die after all.

And here is the weirdest ice-cream shop I was in.
Sserving whisky sauce (I assume it' concentration and butter with some E225), and whisky ice-cream.

For a minute there, I thought it was okay, but then I started reading.
Why would you l.ock Derard Way and Frank Lero in a closet to create a Frerard.
I'm scared of it.
There are probably two-three psychotic fans versus two grown up men.
Unless the fans got some sort of a sleeping pill/the blue pill (not viagra, from matched, though viagra can be funny, and it always ends funny when a mystrious boner comes out, like on 1000 ways to die).
But if the closet is big enough, I want it, it can be my new home.

QUEEN OF ENGLAND MEMES!
I love england accent.
I can mock it all day long!
I love this one!
"me?! die?! hahahaha".
I think she's yemente.
After all, she never dies.
"Where the fuck is one direction", by the way Idan picked the unofficial biography for our book, it was Diary of whimoy kid in the end, but anyway.

...

It's ranting about the romantic views of...
OH I CAN FEEL MY PULSE IN MY FOOT! IT'S SO FUNNY!
The romantic view of self harm.
I would be freaked out if somebody will try to kiss my scars.
Like, hello! my mouth is here!
You have multple options, my wrist is not one.
I never heard somebody expressing their love with their wrists.
Will it be the new feet-fetish?

...

Am  I the only one who finds Blondie's song really spooky?
One way, or another, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you, get you.
One day, maybe next week, I'm gonna find you, I'm gona find you, find you, find you, find you, find you.
Oh so romantic, isn't it?
It's worse than this song in hebrew (which half of it including Oh, or Ah, or La, or Na)

I find it annoying when many songs decide that people use too many oh/ah/la/na's in their song, like they put too much/little, to make it legitimate.

....

I fell asleep for five hours.

Now I'm watching TV.
They made fun of the education system, I hate the guy, he diesn't give a shit about the students.
I will vote to Ilan if he will, at least kids will be scared as fuck and will behave, something that is neccesary.

...

It's so weird.
I'm hearing Coffin, it was just in the suggest box, so why not, and they all remind me Amalia.
Its;s just cute, and creepy, and you just wait there for giggles.
I can't do it, I can't keep a straight face watching it.
Like come on!
It's adorable!
They look like kids from school, the face and skull structure, and a bit with the hair.
It's amusing.
I can't concentrate.
It's hilarious.
I feel bad laughing at it.
Andy reminds me Itay.
And it reminds me the numbness of my head, because I barely felt his and Nadav's elbows bumping my head while they fought.
And please just cover those heads, it reminds me Ceaseria.
And now I want to go to an ice-cream shop, and Helena (the restauraunt, not the cosemtician, or the singer), and to see crows failing to fly.
Oh it's like in that movie!
Just, without the scarecrows and clowns and the while masked people with their weapons, and the ghosts, and the sand, choking the pretty-face down.
I can't.
Everything reminds me adorable nine year olds.
Like, Omri who is also a drummer (and he plays almost every ball-team sports game that I know), and it reminds me my brain, because Andy who picked the Harry Poter book (the first white night), that reminds me my racist version, Hally Potel (admit it, it's amusing), which reminds me that my education can be equal to a third grader.
And it's remindsing me of the time I screamed to a guy that jogged "COVER YOURSELF", because he was partly naked.
Like, good for you, going barely dressed.
You don't see me doing so.
Why?
So I won't hurt their religous feelings.
Feminism shouldn't be exist.
I should be able to go shirtless, stare at me or not, you can go fuck yourself (assuming that some cup DD will do so as well, then people will actually masturbate, and litterly, fuck themselves), it's my body.

...

Why aren't you afraid to die?
Like, life is that worthless?
Why so depressing?
Can't we just be happy that everybody reminds me little kids.
And all you want is to put on them thoe funny red capes and the shitload of plastic hts, and not the black Ku-Klux  Kan outfits.
I assume that the black ones are against the white straight people.

Nak Xulk Uk.
That's nice.
I should join it.

Oh, it's with the long hair!
I like blue-gray (almost wrote gay, my misspelling is the best when tired) contacts, my friend have those.
Why there aren't any zombies?
Or teenage girls that should be sacrificed?
It's disturbing the existance of any kind of fallen angel I know.
I'm trying to remember if in some book that I read in Crete had any kkind of those.
I remember the vampire, the witch, but what was the brother/boyfriend/son-of-a-male-bitch, I'm confused.
OH HERE THEY ARE.
It's a lot of sacrifices for such a small amount.
But it's okay if they have one Norra.
Sacrifice the Norras.
I wonder if somebody there is in some sort of a gang, and his nickname is Patch.
It's the best.

They look like really pretty girls.
Kind of the afters of Extreme Makeover!
Not the quick ones, I still feel it's a waste to touch people's happy curls!
When people have happy curls, you should never ever tough them, espacially if your control-freak girlfriend tells you so.
Break up with her, date a hair styling student.

Aer they going to have sex?
Unprotected?
They should sign together to Baby Boom 2.
It's a new reality, with preganancy, and waginas, and newborn babies.

Why people have that thing to have tattooes with their love.
It's only creating awkward sitaions when they will divorce.
At least do it in your silver wedding (after 25 years of marriage, in Israel it's common to celebreate it again, and again after 50, but then it's called golden wedding).

Fuck.
They didn't had unportected sex.
And he grew facial hair, though in the first scene he had a tiny mustache.

Hahaha.
Her dad got a gun, he's going to chase you.
Mine got swords, and guns, and wine and beer fridge.
I have few creative ideas from bodies, but I won't tell you.
I'll share when I'll enjoy my first teenager expirience of love, and break up.
The tragedy of obvious actions.

...

I always think about the color pink when hearing The Legacy.
And fat girl being murdered.
And porn stars.
I'm just whispering "Light pink! Dark pink! O! K!" and in  between I say "Louder".
It was one of the better american college movies.

Why nobody ever uses a synthesizrr.

WHY DID YOU BREAK THIS GUITAR.
IT COSTS MORE THEN MY WHOLE ROOM.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR DIRECTOR.
I WANT TO MURDER HIM.
NOBODY SHOULD DESTROY SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

FUCKING ROCKSTART BULLSHIT.

Mmy most rock-star exprience, was jummping from the sofa to a mat with a toy plastic guitar that only annoyed us all. screaming "Rockstar jump!" with an album in the back with a cheeta print human on the cover, and the colorful disco ball we had lighting the room.
I had a pretty good childhood.
And we always wore the shitload of costumes.

I'm annoyed.
Why in  Knives and Pens, people care enough to put papers on a locker.
Why there's a train station.
Where's his parents.
Why don't we have a station.
And a mansion.
Actually in my city we have a large amount of house-castles.
What is this pathetic car supposed to mean?!
I assume he is a shitty jock-bully-popular-douche guy, he must have a glamourous sweet sixteen with a car that costs more than an apartment in Tel Aviv.
Did he just break into his house?
And people actually wonder why people are robbing others?
You make it so easy!

He reminds me actor, Israeli one,  I don't know who, but reminds me.

Oh I like their dancing, it's llike what we do in Anant's lessons.
With the sancing, and stretching, and cha-cha-cha's and spinning.
We just use mats and normal school clothing and leggings, and not white clothing.
Too bad.

Why people can build skeleton statues.
I HAVE A BRILLIANT IDEA.
So, to support animal rights, take a chopped cow head, and blood, make a totem out of it.
Write a senteence with it's blood mixed with ink, mocking about humanity, that didn't changed ever since.
Ta-dah, you just shocked carnivores and omnivores everywhere.
They did it once in Israel.
We should do it again.


 I know who is my

Oh it's adorable!
They look eight year olds.
And it's like my old school's choir, in some depressing April event, including death of many before.Now they only have to sing about something relates with blood/tears/sadnenss/rainbows with a super depressing music.
And give a solo to Yuval.

But for real, Israeli music is always depressing.
It can be sad words with sad music.
Sad words with happy music.
Happy words with sad music.
It's always getting you out of the mood of, well anything.
But I'm truly sick of dead people.


Okay, he's here again, I think that wherever he signed to that stuff, he was the favorite there.


But, dead people.
Like, come on!
He or she is dead.
Good for him, they left that shitty world.
They weren't neccessary, so bye.

By the way, something that pissing me off.
Health and doctors.
I think that if we didn't always found the cure to any kind of a disease, the world will be better.
All kinds of deadly diseaseas will take down the weak, the ones who recovered bythemselves, they deserve to live, because they are strong enough to continue, and all the weak will be gone, leaving the strong to survive, and creating better generations.
All the deformed, or unable to do, they have a reason why they are less atractting phisically and mentally, why?
A warning sign, to know that this is not the one who will bring the best new generation.
So yes, it sounds evil, so what?!
I'm not a some sort of important person.
I can do it!
I don't have to be politically correct all the time.
Meaning, you can suck it.
I know what I believe in.

By the way "fear religion"
I found my favorite relgous human symbol.
He's the rabbi of Afula's area.
He's letting places ot sell pork.
He says that he shouldn't force his lifestyle on different places, and if it's disturbing somebhody, he shouldn't get into those places.
Now, why can't we have him as, I don't know, the religious things minister.

When I think minister.
I think about a baby ulrich (mini-stern).
It's weird, but it's me.

This is such a long post.

....
Youth and Whisky.
I know how it ends!
Or a group rape, or an alcohol poisoning!
And maybe with one adult down.
Or two.
Or a teen.
It happened before.


This is a good use to Taylor Swift's songs.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack feel down and broke his crown AND NOW HE'S LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND.
In hebrew it sounds funny, pretty much every song translated sounds amusing.

...

Here comes King for a Day.
I just love the video.
It reminds me the best robberies, and why now platic guns got orange ends, so you can tell the differrence, the times that people robbed a bank with toys is too high.
Though, in America, they sell guns everywhere.
Even in the mall you can have it.

But, why?
Like, do you even learn?
The amount of school shooting that happened is not enough?!
Next step is the martiyr beginner kit : how to take down a mall, written by the original people.
I find it amusing.

I don't understand my screenshots.
There's one, with a picutre.
Of an asian women meditates with a green nature background.
And written next to it "SATAN IS MY RELIGION - BLACK METAL 2013"
I knew that one of the muscle relaxing including stabbing yourself with needles, but come on, black metal is not realxing your muscles, or makin gyou sleepy.
Unless you're me.
Who can fall asleep to almost everything.

I like that quote.
"if you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do you shit, then you deserve it" -Frank Zappa

...

Her boyfriend got celiac.
Boo-fucking-Hoo.
My sister and mother and uncle, and another uncle got it.
They aren't dying.
They have a shitload of food to eat thanks to those trendy diets.

I love that Hafid joke.
Hafid is the person who was known to steal a phone.
People just made so many jokes.
So many "I'm hafid jokes"
"No, this is Patrick"
"Who let Hafit out! WHO WHO WHO WHO!"\]"Hafids in the house raise you hands!!"
"I am Batman"
"This isn't Hafid, This is S,PARTAAAA!"
"we are all hafid"
"I am not Hafid, I AM IRONMAN!!!!!!"
"don't we all have a little Hafid in us?"
"I'm your father...."
"No, i'm Spartacus!"
"No, I am batman" (Batman became an attention whore recently in the Hafid community)
"granny, is that you?" (written by Super Hafid)

May the Hafid games begin.


...

I just love wikihow.
And they have a how-to guide to how to "Be Rrespected as a Female Tuba Player",becasue the female-tuba-player-shaming scene is getting out of control!

I think I know what it's about, how to be scene or something.
A tip from the writer,
"Try yelling things at the top of you lungs. Things like "Purple Bananas" and "Green Elephants". You'll be totally random! Lemon Kiwi! Unbearable bear!"
Now, a tip from me.
If you want to stay away from being in a closed white room with a matching white suit that won't let your hands move, you shouldn't say things that will make others think you're illusioning, and making your friend deaf.
Though, if you say real things and pretend being distracted, you might be prescribed with Ritalin, and you can sell it to students, a lot use it for making htem be able to multi-task, be more awake, and well, have a boner (Like the real blue pill).


I just gasped.
I thought people do it in tv.
Well, because it was a gif collection of MISFITS.
I was seeing my future, few months before it happned!
I need a doctor.
And a nurse.
And a labratory.
And a slave.
Well, the slave isn't neccessary, I just want to know my blood type.
I think I'm CC++.
The immortal alien that just have a shit load of vitamin c and foxo in it's blood.


....

Here are a nice photo of the worst two females in the world.

....

I know, I know, you're not the only one who thinks this way.
In I write sins not tragedies, some person commented "Is Brendon related to Anthony Padilla somehow?e_e"
Isn't in paddilia?
Well I don't know.
I getting confusde while spelling my family name.
I jsut say that it's like the mentally ill hospital.
Or the Rabbi.
More chances of hospital.

....


I just love wikihow.
Here's is a step three in something, I'm glad I found this, and kept a picture of it.
"Music. Music is big, especially in this type of transition. Some good starting bands are Simple Plan, Blink 182,  Nickelback, Paramore, Plain White Tee's, All American Rejects, My Chemical Romance, Tokio Hotel, even  Avril Lavigne. Feel free to listen whatever you like. The possibilities are endless, but find a way to establish that you like Rock to your parents."
I know my starters!
Avril Lavigne, Plain White Tee's and obviously, Paramore (I blame them for everything).
Though, My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park were in Tap Tap, if you can count it as well.
And pretty much every second song in Tap Tap.
We can call them the hidden tracks in my life, like on music videos, or on movies (like party songs or stuff in the movie), but really, Tap Tap got so many alternative rock/ punk rock /metal /heavy metla music.
And another hidden track is the accidents in school.
I also know a kid that when he was nine her heard heavy metal.
I hate this kid.
He's a doucchy nerd who thinks that he's better than everybody.
Gladly, he's not in any close school.

I want a pet.
Since slaves are illegal, I'll have to be satisyed with a pet.
I want mike.
Wild Mike.
Everybody wants an insane dancy fluff ball.
Though, I can be good with fulffiness alone.
Just don't let it talk.
It will want to dominate the world.
Nobody should disturb me doing it.

....

Why do we have butt cheeks?
It's not related to everything.
But why?

...

"Sleeping with Sirens, they really do whatever they want to".
So does the elderly.
They are too old to care.

...

I hate google's ad control.
Apperanlty there's a rock festival in Eilat.

...

OKAY I CAN USE A MIKEY.
The guy or the girl it doesn't matter.

Falling In Reverse - Good Girls Bad Guys.
I love the beginning, it reminds me a buzz light commercial.
The beer.

But there are two mikeys, one got blonde long hair (she's the girl), and there's one with short brown hair with bubbly personallity (the guy).
Desicions, you know...


Why people like to destroy guitars?
Like, what's so cool with wasting money and objects?
And the best part is when they all complain about when people throw out food, and say that there are starving kids in Africa.
But dear, there are starved artists in Israel.
And a ton of them.

I have a feeling I watched this video before (Falling In Reverse's one), like on McDonalds, or on MTV.
I don't know.
But I remember something that looks almost identicle.

I HATE YOU ALL.
WILL IT KILL HUMANITY TO JUST MAKE A ONE RIGHT WAY TO WRITE THE BAND NAME AND THE NAME OF THE SONG WITHOUT CONFUSING ME?!
It's like calling your son John Dean, or something like it.
It pisses me off.



You annoy me.
You little shits.
So yes, you can be racist, and know the differences between each race, but you can't judge people because of it, that's the wrong part.
You can't force your hate on others.
You can't force anything.


I just have confused thoughts about those tons of pills pctures with the words To Wonderland.
Like, do people even sell them?
It's kind of cool.
A suicide mix.

CHRIS.
One of my favorite actors.
He was also in that movie, Teen Spirit.
And in The Secret Circle.
And in Spiderman.
And so many more things I already forgot about.
But they all got somethings in common, highschool people, proms.
Because now this is The End Of Prom Night.


Unholy?
Is it a song?
It seems so.
I'm serious.
I just can't wait to see them all wearing the white night shirts, and saying "Vote for Harry Poter", I can't just ignore it.
And there are yellow lights, and royal blue, and red, and green, and white (guides wear whites).

People iwht make up are funny.
Why?
Because make up.
It's pretty much like painting a well, just that your face is the wall.


Wait, there's a sign with the words "What was you intention to celbrate with...?", I know!
CRUEL ONES.
WITH SEBASTIAN.
AND A JOURNAL.

I'm going thhrough old photos, and some are from MG, aka, one of the worst.
And she sent a picture about Justin's known trademards.
Hot lips, Dirty hips, Nice ass, High class, Cute smile, Bieber style.
I know that recently he had some nude photos leaked.
Obviously.


Oh, Keren....
Liking your own photo.
Pathetic.


Can I know what is so perfect about him?
His lying on the bed, one arm reacher towards the camera direction and the other on his other arm's shoulder, his arms are full of cuts, he have dark sweeping hair, and earlobes.
WHAT IS SO PERFECT ABOUT HIM?
His skin is not.
His hair is not.
What is so perfect?!
What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

...

I love answering this question!
If you'd see a person (they wrote a famous person, I'd rather do it for everybody, or just people who seem nice), and his family in a restauraunt, on his birthday, what will you do.
Depends.
If I feel comfortable, then I might go and tell him/her/they/it (in case I'll find some more aliens like me) what also happened in their birthday.
Mine includings accidents.
The Titanic sank down, and Abraham Lincolin died (he got shot at the 14th, died on the 15th), and few other death-included things.

.....

I just watched carrie.
It's nice, and short, but nice special effects.
If it will be longer, with some spooky ending, or something alike (ahm, ahm, Jennifer's Body), it will be better.
But it's good enough to watch.

And I also just came back from the more terrifying horror movie, it's called my life, and I was just in the toilet scene.
I guess I'll never learn that Gluten and Lactose are just not for me...
I guess some people are meant to be vegans, while the rest can eat whatever they want.

My stomach hurts, my butt hurts.
I'm sitting again in the beanbag, hearing music.

....

IS THERE SUCH A THING?!
Cutforbvb?!
I have to look at it.

This is disturbing.
There aren't many pictures, but the worst one is the only one I found, that's incudling the matching graphic content.
It's the sign bvb (that kind of reminds me a butterfly, butterflies are the insects of evilness!), on a piece of skin, with serval cuts in the background.
And written: "Now bitches I prove you I'm a huge fan of bvb <3 *prince emo #cutforBVB".
Well see you in therapy pussy.
I know it's wrong to cyberbully.
But come-fucking-on!
It's like walking in Gaza's Shihad 101 class, with a sign says "Jewish".
It's fucking asking for it.
Begging for it.

Well, here's a picture worth sharing (not like in the topic mentioned up there).
It's a new years kind of a thing.
And s/he's wishing us a year of all kind of things, the text messages one (it's iPhone themed), is attention.
I DON'T WANT ATTENTION.
I want to be ignored, by everybody.

It was a Liam Hasworth picture!
It's the common Famous Break-Up Syndrom (FBUS), the main symptom is a beard.


....

Why can't our school find us a way to learn languages, that are not teached by shitty teachers, with the only choices you can have are Arabic and French.
Like, something that can be so much more useful, and interesting.
I never saw a seventh grader (or any kind of a person) who speaks Ladino.
Which will die very soon.

....

It's always surprises me, to discover how truly incredible I am.
There was a fun-fact photo, that said that in the eighties, doctors were suspended for betting on patients lives.
I thought about it when I was eight or so.
I'm a truly incredible human.
Am I?
I mean, a human.

And here comes a better one.
About Koi fish who lived up to 226 years.
Obviously, they never visited the north water tribe, because the spirits are here for such a long time!

....

A screenshot from Battle Camp.
You simply can't hate whoever who designed it.
Uunless you are a lawyer, because Wind Stalker said this once "I am not really the Cheif of Teepee Hollow. I am something far darker, far more wretched. I am a lawyer."
Evilness packed in a suit and files.

"But I'm really worried about that Jinxx cheated on Sammi thing".
GREAT.
NOW HOW DO YOU EXPECT HER TO GROW A BEARD?!
And him becoming fucked up.
Not fair.
You ruined it all.
Thanks.

...

Is it bad that Ii'm slightly happy because some Damien died?
If he's a British overrated chocolater, it's good.
I know I'm jealous, but I'm pissed.

Oh, it's not that Damien.
I shouldn't be happy too soon.

.....

I'm done with the photos.
Tomorrow it's Sunday.
Fuck.
Another shitty week beginning.
Oh well, almost 21 more weeks to suffer.
We passed more than 21 already.
Yay.
Actually, we passed more then a half a year.
It kind of explains the fact that the semester past.
I can't wait to leave this hole.
I hate school.
They all know how to do one thing, chew your brain and then leave it half eaten.
I'm starting tomorrow with science, and then legacy, then Arabic, and history, to English, and then Hebrew (three languages a day!), then educators hour, and then math, all of it is until three pm.
Then, at four we have practice, and around at five we are free to go home, meaning, only around at five thirty, I'll be able to do what I want.
And people wonder why I hate Sundays.
Monday is better, six hours, that two of them are pretty much including no learning at all, and another two which are English, for me it doesn't matter, and we only have science which is fun and Arabic which is good.
I hate school.
Actually.
I hate the education system of our school, the hours, and the disacceptance of the ram kids, making us to suffer.
If thinking about it, the system hates me too.

...

Well, after a full day, I'm going to sleep.
Tomorrow I'll walk for school if the bus will come in more than 9 minutes.
And won't go home after school.
Unless if any battery will die, from any reason.
No lunch, maximum is some sugar-free energy drink (>10), if dinner can be skipped, it shall be skipped, if I'll eat it, no snacks.
Tomorrow I'll fast, well, kind of.
I'll drink two cups of liquid in the morning, one vanilla green tea with a tsp of cinnamon, the other, cold water.
The school meal I'll pack will be something high calorie.

Why?
Because then I won't be tempted to eat it.
But I'll buy gum tomorrow, or mints, whatever I'll find.

I know my day plan.

I love that quoting "If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail".
So, here I am, prepared, not for failing.
Tomorrow, at morning and at evening, I'll weigh myself, and maybe after practice as well.
If I'll be 54 or less, I'll purchase myself a pair of earbuds.
It's always nice to have a pair.
And it'll be nice for my school walking.

I made a prize for each weight, because it's motivating!
On 54-53 (and if I'll be down to 52, I'll still get the prize,but if I'll gain and lose again, I won't get the prize again), it's new headphones or earbuds.
On 51-49 (or less) it's three albums or two shirts and two albums or one movie and two albums.
on 46-45 it's a fun day or a large wardrobe amount
On 40 it's pretty much everything I'd like, depends on what I'll feel, it will take time, and along with time I'll want new things.

And under it, well, pretty much more than everything.
And if under 36, welcome to the hospitalization,

Friday, January 24, 2014

Photographs

Hey guys, I'm now walking my way for ram.
It missed the bus and I like doing it anyway, so why not?
So, I'm going to explain (if I never did before) how my binge/restrict cycle works. 
For few days I'm doing really good, super good, and I think I got it. 
After a while, my mother complains that I'm not eating enough, in any form, then I'm starting to binge again, after a longer while, I'm starting again.
And the cure also leads to the trigger. 
Not fair. 

...

Okay it's before we need to get to the lessons or whatever they'll make for us. 
But, I would be late if something that if not timing, I would be screwed. 
I walked in the street, in the same route for school, but then suddenly, I heard somebody calling my name.
From the cars.
And it was quite surprising.
It was the vegan-musician teacher.
He offered me a ride -that obviously, I accepted- and he asked me if I'm excited for the new semester, I said that I do, and he said great, here some dark music to celebrate with.
He switiched a station and a band named Nosei Hamigbaat, was on.
He explanied about them.
It was weird, but good, I guess.
Something, different, and new.

....

I'm home.
I wanted to say something that I saw yesterday.
I FOUND A SCALE.
UMM HMM.
OH YEAH.
HAPPY DANCING AND WEIRD MOVEMENTS.
I FOUND A S-C-A-L-E.
Not digital, a normal one, the doctor's one, or the ones from the movies.

Ye-fucking-ah.
I feel so wonderful about it!
Like some electric angel came and kissed me.
I love you too angel.

...

I'm after the practice, I'm happy but I'm angry.
Why?
I'm happy because I ran 1 km!
Yay!
I can do it.
And soon I will be able to do more.
Irena told me I can go with Yael's runs.
So I will be able to do it, and I'll have company, she'll be happy and so will I.
And I'm angry because I binged, now I smell like chocolate.
I always thought the chocolate smelled bad.
But the flavor was good.

Well, I guess I never learn from mistakes unless I'm truly afraid.
After all, the best way to dominate powerfuly, is with fear.
Make them be able to question your ideas, and they will.

...

I want to buy it tomorrow (and  I know it's quick, but Ii got no time anyway).
The more fear I can have, the better.
The need to be dominated, controlled, comes from fear.
You're afraid you don't know what to do, you'd rather put your life in somebody else's hands, in something that will make you focus on something else.

...

I'm deleting now some of my older iPhone photos.
Along with liars faces, and amusing online posts.
Like the girl who asked from the magazine to but metal in their pages.
I still thing the same.
NO.
DON'T YOU DARE TO RUIN IT TO ME.
It requies too much energy anyway.
I can't concentrate with the music I love in the background.
Today, we played Mao.
And the circus guys looked for music for their show, so every once in a while there was music.
They played Green Day's Boulverd of Broken Dreams.
I first heard it over then two years ago, learning one of my first songs on the Guitar, ever since I can't do anything but to remember what to do with my hands and what chords.
Music fucked me up.
And I hate every single person who can't take a normal profile photo.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOUR GENDER.
And you need to be as twice as careful when you have both-gender name.
Fuck you Daniel, it's a both gender name, and the semi-duck-face/oh-I'm-so-mysterious-face you have on, under your gray hoodie and you brown-black thich bangs.
EVERYBODY HAVE THOSE BANGS NOW.
COME FUCKING ON.
THIS IS 2014.
FEMINISTS STILL THINK THAT WE GIVE A SHIT, SO THEY DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.
GUYS STILL RAPE AS A PUNISHMENT.
IT'S NOT HELPING AT ALL.

And the fact that one comment is (and I obviously quote) "Hahahahaha* you ass eatres put some deathcore posters of suicide silence, make them suffef, the korea yeah right bi vi bi haha pierce the gay".
*May be more ha than writtem
And the second is "Beary *heart-eyed-emoji*"
You confuse me.

It's more a guy thing to call everybody else gay/fag/homo/another avilable nickname, but heart emoticons are more for cheesy couples/best friends/obssesed fans/basically every teen girl.
Not fair.

Though, lately girls do it too.
Every girl who dresses/acts like a guy is automatically a lesbian.
Appearntly, as far as I know, I was lesbian before I even entered puberty.
Cool.
I won at the I know my sexual prefrences before you race.
I talk about it mostly because my friend, Daniella, have a friend that it quite annoys her that there's a rumor that her best friend is a lesbian.
I dress up exactly like her friend.

...

I don't know what I feel about this.
I just saw the overly-used "Dream is a wish that your heart makes"
When I was eight, I had a dream about being in a theater with the greek gods, watching the world crumbling down while Zeus and Haddas are near me, and we are all cheering happily with large popcorn in our hands.
And when I was nine I had a dream that I died in.

I have a really good reason why 14 is the year when the teenagerhood begins.
In chinese, fourteen sounds like yao sie, which means want death.
Have fun with being fourteen.

Another quote,
A life without:
-Worrying
-Sadness
-Evil
-Pain
Doesn't exist-
Therefore, I'd rather be dead.

Now, tell me exactly how I'm supposed to defeat my enemies and rule the world.
I have a really good plan that includes being a doctor for becoming a spy hunter/murderer.
Now I need people in pain, that they will worry, and be sad over their loss, so I could be bathing in my evilness and their blood.
Like Cleopatra's milk baths.
Just soaking my hair in blood, it supposed to give my red-black highlightes more color and life.
You can always attack and scare squids and octupuses until they'll release their ink on you hair for darker tones.
And massage your scalp with bleach for lighter.

You always have an option.

...

A quote.
that_one_worthless_girl said.
"You hurt me.. Time to cut my wrists".
Gladly, I'm not doing so.
Only if I'm a failure I feel like I worth a punishment.

...

The  devil is real and he's not some little red man with horns and tail he can be beautiful because he's a fallen angel and he used to be god's favorite.
Well.
It could be better, but why did you use zombie boy's neck for it?
Like, he's not evil.
His a human that looks like art.
And he is used for so many commericials/videos.
Like Born This Way of Lady Gaga.
Or Mac's make up commericial.

But one thing about the fallen angel thing.
Fuck you Patch.
I always though that god's bitches had balls.
Apperantly, being a fallen angel means you're a dream hunting, liar partner, failing killer.
I can do better.
All you need is a knife.
Or a gun.
Or a flamethrower.
Flamethrowers are the best, burn her, and a fire will start in her house, people will think that she left a pan on the stovetop with flames.
Works like magic.

...

Okay, another one.
and then she thought
of the five boys
the reason that she fought
because they were her joy

and she dropped the knife
threw away the pills
and that's when she realised
"they saved my life"

It sounds way awful when you relate it for the religous families and the kicked-out kids.
We are all such a great fuck up generation.
Most of the commenters wrote one direction.
Obvious.
I know that one of their last albums were about mental illness victims.

It's nice of them, nicer if it's not only for sales (And trust me, every action I think about that a celebrity do, I think few times before letting it go, because it's or their manager, that needs to make them as much as famous, or they just did it).

Another one.
Imagine if you lived in the same city as your favorite celebrity.
I was hiding under your porch because I love you.
Should I laugh?
It's fucking Israel.
You see more celebrities than tattooed people.

....

I always like that one!
It's a guy (or a girl with short hair, with tiny boobs, or that they are hidden under her large coat, I don't know), that sits on a bar stool, looking down, slightly ashamed, with scisssors and swords and other sharp metallic tools in his back.
Written on the side "Can't blame me for my trust issue".

Oh, I regret reading it.
I so regret reading it.
It made me to almost cry in school.
I was on the verge expressing emotion again.
Fuck.
It will lead for emotional binging.
Fuck.

...

Tumblr.
It reminds me a bit of my Science class.
This guys are so, ugh, so them!
Here it is:
if watermelon exists why doesn't earthmelon, firemelon and airmelon??

The elemelons

And that's when the firemelon nation attacked.

...

This music is one of the better ones  I've ever heard.
Prrrum of Cosculluela.
And Bujaj Sie of AFTER PARTY.
WHAT?!
IT'S NOT RUSSIAN.
I FEEL BETRAYED.
IT'S POLISH.
Well, can't blame me for my trust issues!

...

The end.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Failing


Today, Wednesday, I'm restarting.
Kind of anyway.
I'm starting with the fourth day, I'm not going from the beginning, I'm not a fool.
But I have to continue.
If I'll stop, it means I'll fail, I'll gain weight, I'll be depressed, I'll fail in school, I'll binge endlessly, I won't fit into my clothes, I'll have a big chance to be forced to leave my class.
I don't want this to happen.
I want to defeat it, to win, to succeed, to loose weight, to be happy, to be smart, to be normal, to fit into smaller sizes, to stay in the class and become an athelthic girl.
I can't be it, with all that fat.
I'm so thin undermeath it.

I'm half sad half happy.
It's not fair.
When our teacher said that in our (kid-tween-legally a teen), it's mostly black and white, no in betweens.
After a while I notcied how right she is, but now?
What am I supposed to do now?

...

I'm seriously going to murder some kids. 
Oh why is this happening?!
Not only that my tap-tap 4 dissapear end forever (with the three songs it had), but with the enormous amount of times that I heard Sing in twenty minutes is driving me crazy. 
You people, annoy me. 
And stop singing it!
Do whatever you want, songs that don't have any side effects on me anymore, I'm used to you old songs, I can't block 50 new at a time. 

Soon, the only music I'll be able to hear without being in constant pain, will be Ajad's. 
They are overtaking what's left. 

I can't stand them. 
Gladly it's Wednesday. 

...

I'm n pain.
Why am I in pain that's worth mentioning it?
Because I fucking binged, and I'm not willing to purge, and my stomach is about to overload and do it naturally for me .

I was in the bathroom.
Quick bowel movement.
I think that I just can't digest gluten or dairy.
It's not that if I'll test it, no matter how much I'll eat it, it will say I'm not allergic.
Well, of course I can't be allergic to something my body can't understand.
I told my mother no more dairy and gluten and those things for me.
Guys, I'm in incredible pain right now.

It's slowly fading away.
Good.
It's not fair, my body should be able to digest those devils, great, my body can't digest anything but vitamins, and protein, all the rest doesn't matter.
It's just letting the rest realese like corn.
Undigested and hurting you anus.

....

I think I need to get a nice surgery knife.
Sharp one, so it won't hurt that much, and won't bleed so much as well, only so I could cut deep enough to my stomach, I can't stand those pains.

....


I think Israel should get a prize.
Israel is the only place where people die all the time, and every single teen did something illegal.
I stole multiple times.
And drank.
Only what was left, but it was enough, at least in my eighteenth birthday I won't die from alcohol poisoning, if I will, it might be earlier.
Lately a casino made by teens for teens was shut down by the police, now we have teens with gambeling problems.
The story of the raped thirteener girl by the large amount of teens from males in the ages of 12-17.
Good for them, you just fucked up all of your families life.
Have fun with that dear.

And the girl is stupid, there's a reason why you stay with a friends you trust, with a phone, and you odn't drink alcohol.
What can I say, stupidity filled the country.
And it's giving so many annoying feministic waves.

Don't they understand that they never matter.
Nobody cares about your rights.
Why should they anyway?
Nobody cares for the homosexuals, bisexuals, transgenders and alike more, though in each fucking parade they have somebody dies.
Nobody cares.
I'm trying to rememebr more scenarios, but I can't.

Wait, I know.
NOBODY GIVES A LITTLE SHIT WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY CHILDREN AND TEENS, THAT WERE KICKED OUT FROM THEIR HOUSE.
WHY?
Those kids were affecting badly on their brothers and sisters, the little shameful sinners.
Oh, what will they do.
Nobody cares about them.
Why nobody can see them.
The children of the street.
Each generation is trying it's best to make the new one better.
They do all the opposite of what their parents ever did.
Now we are all shitty people, and in a few good years, I belive, the system will crash.
I'm willing to help to ruin it all.
Only if I'll dominate the land.
I'm a good ruler, try me.

....

NO!
NO WAY.
WHY NOW?
OH, JUST TOO MUCH.
TRYING TO CUT EMOTIONAL EATING, AND AT NIGHT BEING OVERDOSED.
Maybe a normal averge person will say it's a normal amount of hormones and chemicals sent from your brain, but for me nothing normal in the body, I'm always in the higher tempertures, you can't tell if I'm sick or not.
Well, guess what song?
The song, that as far as I can remember, kind of got me down that way.
It's Paramore's Decode.
The same song I've heard in class, because of my friend.
I got curious, and watchedm Twilight.
Ever since there, I think you know it.

Oh, I miss her.
But I know how she'll get me back.
She always wanted to be good like her sister, an artist, she knows how to sing, and her photography is magnificent.
What about a little dark-skinned skinny model, who can create her beautiful films?
Hopefuly it.

...

A new chain message.
I need to read it in my heart as it said, because god told him to say it tom me.
Amusing that it's about god fogiving about the sins.

...

Well, I'm looking now for digestable recipes (won't stop until I won't be in pain, that even after two hours stay), and the first one was some sort of Argentinian steak. 
I used to like steaks, but nobody can make them edible, and I always end up almost choking because of some large piece. 
But 'Argentinian', Gal the tall blonde guy have Argentinian roots. 

...

It's bed time, I'm looking for digestible recipes while trying to fall asleep so I will be able to wake up early enough for few minutes of some movie (it took me three days to watch a short movie, was worth it).

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

BINGE

It's the thousand day.
Today I also have a test (science, and I know just a bit of the metrial, because I don't have an idea what does a cell looks like, I know planaria, I know the squids body system, and where's it's penis and it's inky thingy, I know it, but the small details, I don't know).
So I'm quite nervous. 
And because of it I woke up at six thirty, since it's freezing without any blanket or a ski-suit, I just stayed in bed and watched some movies. 

I packed for school a 130 calorie meal. 
It's a lot, I know, I'm aware, but I need something for my brain while trying to write the correct answers. 
It's one large Granny Smith apple (my favorite kind), with cinnamon. 
Cinnamon is 19 per tbsp. 
and large apple is 110. 
I rounded it. 

...

I ate it. 
I can't believe I ate it. 
The apple was there, and now it's gone. 
It better give me some energy for good results today at sports, because it's not fair!

Now only 890 left. 
Fucking annoying. 
What will I eat now?!
I count the pizza as 500. 
390 left. 
Now what will lunch be?
I want to eat mushrooms today. 
They are like, around sixty for the whole can. 

...

I'm afraid of the homemade pizza. 
I don't know how many calories it got. 
It scares me. 
I wish there was a way to skip it. 
There isn't. 
I would love to not eat it. 
I think I'll make from the mushrooms something. 

Fuck. 
On Friday it's four hundred, and I will be okay with it, but it's White Night in the library!
I like to volunteer, but after every nights end we have pizza. 
I'm afraid to eat it. 
It's around 300+ per slice. 
And there's food there!
It's like a death trap. 
I guess I'll be deducting or something. 

...

I'm carving junk food. 
But I won't eat it. 
The problem is finding something else.

...

121+50+66+89+27+130+110=593.
That's what I consumed so far.

...

I binged.
I fucking binged.
I have no idea how many.
I feel like a failure.
I don't know what to do.

I should'nt eat that piece of chocolate, I feel like shit.

...

I can't breath.
All of the air I know to breath dissapeared.
No more of it.
My minutes are counted.
I need to find my air.
My beautiful air, the stress-free air of mine.
I can do what I want, and actually enjoy in it.
I'm running out of it.
No more emegancy bottles.
No more of it.
Not at all.

I know when I'll have a new bottle.
It will happen at the middle of April, 2019.
My eighteenth birthday.
Legally, you can suck it.
I can do almost anything I want.
Buy alcoholic drinks, ciggarets, maybe some private-use drugs (I beleve that by then drugs will be legal).
I would have the abillity to own an apartment, a bank account, and myself.
But until then, I have time.

...

You know, if thinking about it, everything is a lie in Israel.
It's not the holy-land when recently a casino made by teens for teens have been found, and the police isn't doing much about it.
Although, they are 16.
Not fair.
I hate the legal system
14+ is legally a teen, making the illegal bitches to have all the rights to open a fresh criminal file.

Well, it's bed time.
I'm sorry that I skipped the idea thing, I'm obssesed with intake.
I didn't even exrecised today!

Tomorrow is 800.
More like less than it.
Way less.
I'm a failure.
I need repairing, and healing.
I'd rather have shit breat and thin body than a fucking mouth hygeine bomb with a stomach that's about to explode.
Bed is a bitch.

I'm going to succeed, nothing will interrupt.
I'm in control, I will be able to achieve my goals.
And if I'm going back I won't.
You can't win the prize if you're not playing the game.
And you better win that one.
Because it's called life.

One last thing, I want to get Yumi bears.
It's vitamin gummy bears

Monday, January 20, 2014

Short

"It's kind of scares me that you never eat"
That's what my mom just said after I told her that I don't want to eat breakfast. 
It's normal. 
It's not that I eat a shitload daily. 
It was usually just tea, and even then just maybe. 
My stomach hurts. 
Not hunger, more bowel thing. 
I understand why my mother used to hate to go to the toilet. 
It's not fair. 
I'm fatter than my mother. 
It should be the opposite. 

...

My lunch was three cups cabbage (57), and one tbsp of sweet chili sauce (~20)
It's around 77. 
I'm going good. 

...

I'm making Parve gluten-free cupcakes for my sister. 
Parve is without meat or milk, something Jewish. 
And gluten free because she got celiac.
I saw what's inside the recipe.
I'm so not going to eat it.

And now, I'm sitting in the table, pleased from the thigh gap that's forming between my legs, wanting to binge, but I can't!
I want to eat everything in the kitchen, but I can't!
I just can't eat chocolate and sweets, and so many things because of LTD.
I know why the diet is working, nothing sweet kills carvings, and you can't eat so many foods, that you can't binge.
Crap.

I'm after making some frosting to my sister's cupcakes, I'm making half-a-cup of blueberries.
49.
77+49=126

...

I just are dinner, one small and one medium cucumbers, one tbsp of hummus, and half eggwhites. 
It's adding up to 106 (I picked the cucumber sizes both on large, I don't believe it's that low cal). 
It's 33 for the hummus, 8.5 for the egg, and 64 for the cucumbers. 
It sounds more right when it's 106. 
106+126=232. 
I was supposed to eat today 600. 
But I can't find myself eating anything.
Tomorrow is 1000.
Is it a joke or something?
I don't find it funny, you know.
But tomorrow is home pizza day, so it's kind of making sense.
And since  have therapy (I'm comforting myself with the fact that for a full summer I won't have to go there, unless something will happen).

And because of the diet, I can't eat so many binge leading foods.
It's the best, and the worst, in the same way.
No food.

By the way, something that surprised me a bit, 1 lotus biscuit is 36 calories!
And one of those crackers without gluten is 56 calories!
It's easy to know what's more satisying.
And from whole-wheat one it's 35 (34.944 if it matters).
EASY PICK DEAR.
EASY PICK.
And I'm not aloud to eat those biscuits anyway.

...

My mom is annoyed by my not eating.
How can health annoy people?
I'm trying to go healthy, atheletic, happy, depression-free, the weight I'm supposed to actually be in.
I'm aware of the fact I want to be in a lower BMI.
That's obvious.
But I know when to stop.
It's not only about weight.
It's more measurements than weight.

My dad (back to dad, not father), telled me to breath on him, to know if it's my breath that stinks.
He thinks it's a dental problem.
So do I.
There's nothing normal in my teeth health.
Mine occasionaly bleed.
This is a new medical condition.
Teethbleed.
The nosebleed of the dentists.

And I'm using now some sort of a mouthwash that makes me not to eat for thirty minutes.
The taste and the bottle's directions tell me so.
So, my mother will have to be less bitchy (or at least less loud about it) for what I'm doing.
And I'm going to eat something infront of her tomorrow if necessary because we are watching a show tomorrow together.
The Beauty & Geek.
It's getting worse with the years.
But it's the only reality I watch, so yeah.
But we're also watching Moone Boy.
I love it.
A british boy with his adult imaginary best friend, living with his three sisters and his parents, being bullied by twins that their father is actually really friendly towards his father and they are in parental support group thing, and his having a deal with the bullies' bully, making his sister to date with him. 
Confusing. 
But it's from the same beautiful channel called BBC. 
The home of the beautiful people. 

I guess I'll never let go the memories of Simone and Kylie. 


I think that lately I'm not talking real life enough, I might talk to you about what's my opinion about ideas, it's fascinating if you're into that endless phillisophical questions. 

Good nighty-night!


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Day one and it's waves

Today is the big day!
Well, big day #01. 
I'll have few more in the following days. 
Today is 400. 
I'm good. 
I hope. 
For breakfast-lunch I'll have one egg white. 
But after practice, the real problem comes.
A birthday-surprise-style-party for Tamar. 
Not Tamara (aka Chubbs).
It's in an ice cream shop. 
That's near a pizzeria. 
BUT. 
I have a chance to fast!
If I'll skip the eggs, say I went to the pizzeria for lunch and ate in the birthday party, I won't have to eat today!
But I'm afraid it will lead to a binge. 
Oh well, I'd rather skip it all. 

Not only that I got 88 in the harder test, but it was only 3 4-points mistakes. 
By the way it's on literature, we are starting now poetry, I thought I left it behind with Ky and Cassia and Xander, and the plague, the bodies, the death, the pills, the stupidity. 
Stupid poems. 
I want people dying/loving/crying in every other way. 
That Margaret Ann is so depressing, and why are the neighbors so nosy?!

...

It's English and I haven't consumed a calorie yet. 
Let's see how this day will be going.

...

FUCK YEAH ALL THT PEOPLE!
FASTED.
I want a fan wave.



Got it.

tSQop GIFterpiece Theatre: Melanie Iglesias with a hula hoop, Olympics and Kate Middleton doing the wave

And it.

I like gifs.

...

But seriously, I fasted.
I need a prize.
Hmm...
What about goal weight before my  birthday.
But look, I made it higher calorie and changing days so I will be able to get all the nutritions I need if faint.

...

SHIT.
MY MOM BOUGHT ME KIWIS.
GREAT.
NOW WHAT?!

...

I'm trying to locate tips wherever I can find about what to do with the bad breath.
Each time that I'm fasting/restritcting a lot, my stomach just makes my breath smells like death, like a warning sign to all the people.
It's awkward.
Because it can be so strong, and it's disgusting.
It's weird that with the hours, the smell slightly changes?

...

It's changing again.
 Not the smell, but the flavor.
Maybe it's just not to keep me bored.

...

Well I have to do a thirty minutes exrecise.
I'll jog, probably with watching TV.

...

My mom told me to eat.
It wasn't a full force.
Like "eat or you're not allowed to XYZ", it's more like that she's starting to suspect youreating habitats.
It's not something worth risking.
I ate 5 baked flaffel balls/patties, I don't know how to call them, they are patty shaped by a ball size.
Aand with one table spoon of hummus.
It's pretty much under 250 for sure.
And above 200 as well.

I guess it's better than binging!
I need an appriciation hug.
Too bad nobody gives it to people like me.

...

I'm still surprised that there is no place that sales scales!
Will somebody die if they did?
Why can't we have nice things?
Like legitmate priced clothing, or the option to actuallyh educate about the right thigns, or at least, make the legal system work.

...

Okay.
Since the cycle was completed, I'm in In The End.
It's hilarious.
In what kind of video can you see all the comments that are "XYZ is so hot/sexy/cutz" "I hate XYZ" "Stop hating because XxX and YyY and ZzZ saved my life and *insert heart breaking story*".
For the first part, it's like you never saw a bodybuilder/swimmer/human before.
The second, good for you I guess, but because of you, I'm going to suffer, directly, more views, more chances to be in the radio, if it's in the radio people will find it catchy, ever since my ears won't be able to hear a word.
The third, I  guess it's good for you too, but why don't just live them alone? They don't like them and that's it, it doesn't matter what you'll say, they will thing the same, you are not their fucking god, fuck off.

...

Well bed time, at least  I jogged today, I did it all right.
Tomorrow is 600.
Wish me happiness!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Better & Worse


Well, I wanted to sleep until almost eight or so, but I couldn't.
Bowel movement.
I guess it's better than not having any of it.
Well, it's almost eight.
Some part of me wants to go, because he's my friend, and I don't want to stay home and be forced to eat.
But another doesn't want me to go, it wants me to stay, do nothing, because even there I'll might be forced to eat, after all it's a synogauge, and there's catering, of really delicous food.
I can always reject, I never had a problem doing so, but I'm afraid that I'll be tempted.
You've seen that my attempts to kill bed (It's not fair that they left it out from those nicknames list, we should add it!), and it's a fucking zombie.
But I'm trying to leave it, caged, no possibilty to catch me.
While recovering from eating disorder, I'm doing my best to another one.
I'm easily addicted, cutting addictions off is not an option, replacing is better.
It takes months and no temptions to reach addiction killer, sadly, I don't have the temptless option.

It's eight already.
I don't think I'll go there.
Hmph...
But I don't want to eat.
Well, I'll avoid it as much as possible.
I'll skip what I can.
I can do my lunner!
It's a mixture between lunch and dinner!

I do them a lot.
It's when I skip lunch, at lunch time, and then eats a little before dinner.
I have yoghurt.
Frozen yoghurt.
It's 104 calorie each.

....

Binged again.
What the fuck self?!
Well, at least now I know, that in every single situation I should be in my room.
Not a punishment dear, it's for your safety, more like a prize.

...


Am I the only one who want to laugh each time I hear a song that's talking about female, sang by a female, but in her cover version, the song's subject gender changes?
Like, why does it matter?
It's a song, not your fucking sexual prefrence!
"Tattooed skin, you don't smile", this is what I think that will be in the future, when the oh-so reblious teenagers (I assume the same kids who got drunk few months ago, the thirteener girl and the seventeenth guy, and all the inbetween) will have a job, beacuse trust me, nobody wants to be a janitor.
And it's not that I'm saying each teen that passed out and got alcohol poisoning will have his whole life ruined, but if you go down in that track, you'd probably be in deept shit.

...

Am I the only one who notices that each person who sings slightly embaressed or told to not move will just move weirdly in his place.
It's weird.
It's the funniest when he got nothing to do.
Then he just nods or something.

....

You dissapointed me.
You let me down!
Youtube.
I thought it was the clip I watched a year ago, but no, why would it be? why should I be happy today anyway?...

...

If already entering the musical side of yotube, let's go all way (like it wasn't enough with that cover gentleman).
Synthesizers.
Since Daniella and I are making our scene (for the children's animation movie thing) electronic music theme, we are putting something that will match a ghost party in a graveyard/cemetery (depends on what lesson, because as it appears, the science/honor class in pretty much everywhere aren't as smart as I expected them to be, or nerdy), so I'd like to understand what style I'd like, and when it comes to synthesizers, wow, so many different options.

....


I feel so weird when my touchscreen doesn't work!

....


This song, that dissapointed me, because it wasn't what I thought I was, well it's a song of a band named Her Bright Skies.
I just finished two songs, and both of them I found a weird pose, that the vocalist really likes to sing in:



They just moved all together.
It's like The Wave.
It's funny.
And funnier than last week.
Why?
Because calling to a person Nazi or using their symbols is illegal in Israel now.

It's kind of stupid.
But if thinking of it, so does the sports fans that are screaming it against the other team.
Which is stupid.
Why?
Because calling a Muslim/Arab (There's different, my great-grandmother is an Arab, but she's not Muslim), an antisemic, or Nazi, is just like, no!

....

I KNOW WHY THIS HAIR IS FAMILIAR!
This is how dye looks like!
Like on Jennifer's Body, with Colin, when his hair is slightly wet.

...

Am I the only one who finds it hilarious, beacuse everything on the video reminds me something from TV.
I'm watching King for a Day, and when the boss spanks that lady's ass, it reminds me of Eretz Nehederet, with the song that they have made, with what the some-sort-of-a-job in the army do, at one thirty, sexually harrasing a private.
Oh, and Victor.
It brings me nightmares.
Forced-smiles, hawk eyes from the managers, dozens of cameras.
Only to film few schools dancing together.
THE NIGHTMARES!
But it helps me to beat my sister on Just Dance 4.
I'm used to dance to those beats.
And to get hurt while doing so.

Really, you're robbing a bank and you find that it's the time to say sorry to god?
Don't you think it's a little too late?
Or early?
Why won't you just take a prayer while taking down the bank?
Why everybody there can lift the gun like it's nothing?!
Am I the only one who can't be strong enough to hold a gun?
It's so fucking heavy.
If I'll ever try to kill myself with shooting a bullet, I wont be able to do that, because when I'll lift the gun, I'd be so happy that I'm strong enough, so I won't be sad enough to die.
Everybody can lift guns but me.
Not fair!
I can shoot them if somebody helps me with picking it up, I did it when I was nine.
My first time learning to murder.

And why black?!
Each time that there is a robbery, there's a rebbery, they wear black hoodie and black pants, and only rarely jeans!
Why can't you wear something amusing?!
For a very good example, things that scare people, like scareclowns (I wrote that in accident, but it sounds fitting), or for example, grown up tan man with blond streak in his semi-curly hair?
Or a man with a green-brown berret and a brown jacket?
They scare the shit out of me!

Why people can't hold their bladder when they're scared?


Water guns!!
I squeaked again, I'm squeaking all the time when I find something amusing, or that I love, Zuko wrong side scar joke, William first appeareance, toy guns robbery.
It happened once.
That's why now they sale the guns with the orange plastic in the end, so you can tell what's realy and what's not.

Why do you sit on his shoulders.
It annoys me.
It reminds me late-night celebrations, that mostly include bar-mitzvahs and weddings.
I hate both.

And the over-using in hand gestures.
It reminds me the depressing events of April.
Like the Holocaust.
I hate it.
Each time, there's a solo, the repeating songs, ugh.
It's awful.

...

"The End Of Prom Night".
I know how it ends.
For my knowledge of almost every American prom based movie, the most popular couple will fuck.
Simple as that.
But I'm going to watch Carrie.
So the popular couple will probably be fucked.

I can't stand looking at another bandana.
It's an awfulk memory, of dancing, foods, losing, sweating, suffering.
AKA, school's "fun" day.

You call that a knife?
I would prefer using a sushi knife.
Or if possible what my friend managed to cut her hand with, from the world's sharpest knives.
Oh, that's better.

I like that:
Girl: "I'm getting married!"
Guy: "Oh fuck"
I find it appopriate.

This knife really annoys me.
It reminds me the knife we used to have, the red one, that we used to put our favorite jelly/cheese with because it was soft.


Really.
Now you're handeling her the cute knife?
Great.
When the police will be there they will assume it was her.
She might have nice time being in prison!

The name on his shirt is Jeremy.
IS THAT POSSIBLE?!
No.
Why would you use nicnames?
Allan is not the scareiest I know.

THEY ARE FINNISH!
I remember when my dad went to China and met with some Finnish people, he investigated something for their company.
I want to go now to finland.

I'm going to check up the first-link cycle that will form.
Now I'm in Horror rock.


BOO.

PUNS.


Oh that's just adorable.
You murdered a couple for a flower to give to Allan.
Adorable.
You might as well enjoy a massacre in a hair salon in the next time you'll need hair straightners/dyye/extansions (whatever people are using).

NOW THEY ARE DANCING?!

Because nothing is more romatic than danicing on your enemies blood.

...

It's not fair.
WHY PARTLY NAKED MEN CAN BE WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO HEAR ME SCREAMING "DRESS UP".
I'm innappopriate and rude (this is why I love my sims with high free-will and those traits), but it's like showing to a person on his first day in rehab all the matching addiction supplies.

Since I've already watched earlier In The End, I went down to the comments.
I love all those fan vs. hater fights!
And there's a girl/guy (didn't notice), who wrote on the 4 part, that we should stop hating people we wish to be but afraid to admit it.
Because nothing is more great than a stock of fans and paparazzi invading your privacy.

...

And people actually wonder why I hate lovesongs?
WELL.
BECAUSE IN ALMOST EVERY SITUATION IT'S OR CHEATING/IMPOSSIBILTY.
And it's not how it's working in real lfie.
In real life it's revolving around pain, shame, guilt, embarssment, and thinking the other one is hiding something.


....

STUPID RESTART.
NOW ALL OF MY PAINTINGS ARE GONE.
MY SKETCH BRUSHES ARE GONE.
AND MY COLORS.

...

I think I need the white room's white suit (from the mentally ill hospital).
It will make me stop "touching" -actually scratching off- my face while I'm sleeping.


By the way sleeping.
Do It Now Remember It Later is on.
Cheering 11 year olds to drive.
Pfft.
That's nothing!
Our homies (Israel), let mentally ill parents get pregnant and might let the baby live and be the son/daughter of a mother who killed two of her children.
We let a father to teach his 8 year old to drive.
We let dozens of teens to murder others/drink until they hospitalized or die/rape.

....

FINALLY.
HERE I FOUND YOU.
Do you remember the song that disappointed me?
I found the answer!

Yet, I don't think I'll ever find the music video I was klooking for since the second grade.
I have a feeling that it's heavy metal.
But I won't bet on it.

...


Am I the only one who wonders why people even bother to care?
Like, when school begins, you walk into class, and in some form, you communicate.
And it starts there.
Why?

...

Okay, I have a brilliant idea.
Randy on Cena in a mosh pit.
It won't end with death.
But I'll find it amusing.
After all they are not fight machines, they are very nice.

...

Another Black Veil Brides video!
COMMENTS TIME!

when im 16 I am gonna see u in warp tour
You can go now..
im 10 years old!
Same! (except 11)

Not fair.
But I find it quite amusing.
Who said that they will be still performing after six years?!
As far as I know, they all died like princess diana.

OH THAT TEN YEAR OLD.
SO TEN YEAR OLDY OF HIM.

What does make little kids all over the world to say u instead of you? (something that just pisses me off, because it's not that hard to write the words right!).
The last year's slang trend of American Movie highschool-college films.


.....

I KNOW WHO HAVE TATOOS BLACK T-SHIRTS BLANK NAILS BLACK DYED HAIR!
DRAKE STONE.
THAT FANCY CELEB MAGICIAN FROM THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE.

...

My friend, Tamar, is having a birthday soon, so around 25 children are in a whatsapp group to make her birthday a real thing.
I'm trying to udnerstand who is who in my contacts and the new numbers.
It made them laugh when I asked if  Mikey is a boy or a girl.
I wouldn't ask it, but since there's one petite blonde girl Mikey in some school in the area, I'd rather go shame and safe than embaressed and un-aware afterwards.


...

I thought they were cheering CRYSTAL METH.
They were saying Pierce The Veil.
Oops.
But it's better this way.

Well, bed time as usual, today went better and worse than expected. 
Tomorrow is my tweaked diet. 
I wish that I'll succeed.