Finishing 1#

Oh my, never again!
I fucking hate the past days.
From rehearsal to school, from school to final rehearsal, then to the show and from there to go to school again for waisting time and watching movies, and then another school with time wasting.
From school to a birthday party with stand up comedian that make me laugh a little.
I saw Addi and Maya g for the last time.
Maya g got a pink stripe.
I fucking hate pink.
And Addi straightened her beautiful red-orange hair.

And right now they are leaving in a plane to Canada.
Maya g and Addi and Maya s as well will drag after MB, and I'll stay the whole summer with my new best-friends that I should stick with much before, Maya ds and Keren.

Visiting the mall, going to Keren's pool, spending time on Maya's roof, and doing random stuff in my room.
Like every crazy teenage girls.
The bad thing in it, it's only the future.
Where we all be in different classes, I go to sports, Keren to science/geniuses, and Maya to the regular.

But at least we could meet each other in the breaks, or go home in the same bus, and go to eat ice cream together, even when it's freezing.


Bet until then, we have the longest -less then- two months of the year.
We might go surfing all together.


But I don't know a thing.
So it doesn't matter.


Lately I'm working all the time with Adobe Ideas.
It's really addictive, but since I got an FAAD app I get some cool apps, like Nihilumbra, which is addictive and kind of depressing in the start, but with every minute that passes, you want more and more.
This is a screenshot I got, and you'll know why in no-time.

The Void created them after absorbing the mysterious cannons.
They are aberrations.
Half beast and half machine.

So, I really like this game and you can get it in this days for free, so get it as fast as you can.

I kept watching Code Lyoko, it's weird, I used to watch it on Hebrew, now I'm watching it on English with no subtitles, and just for you to know, this blog done everything to me.

Well, if you haven; noticed yet, it's freaking Saturday!

And as well, I'm getting all crafty today!

I want to make bracelets.

And to make charms, that won't make my ankle be full of scratches.

Okay, I don't have an idea why I'm telling you it (<--this is a lie).

New Religion just played and the cover of the Album showed up, so my sister just saw me and said "XX(then name of our old terrifying principal)XX and his group!".

Imagine your last principal with hardcore look like this.

MIND=DESTROYED.

I really wonder what the fuck s going on.

Oh well..

So since the rest of the day is pretty much useless.

Bye guys.

If you gradurated already, I hope your grades are fine.

And if you haven't (like me!), just hope for the best.

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.

3 times

This is the worst day in the past 3 months.
I felt worst than back there when I discovered it's her.
I feel stupid.

It started with the morning after the show (finally!), about at 7 am I got a text from Maya ds.
She started with texting if I'm awake because it's really important.
I answered that I'm ready to hear.
She got a boyfriend.
And then five minutes later, she said that she don't have anymore.

And I bet you know who he is.
I wrote in Springpad part so I could put it in Poison Book, I wrote this:
Desperate for a girlfriend.

If not obvious enough...
The next lines.

In order:
Me -yes for two hours- (2012)
Yali -yes for one week- (2013)
Maya ds -yes for half an hour- (2013)


Now, can you guess?


Yes, indeed, Yuval S.

Funny.
I'm still the first one, then they were the other options.


Today earlier I started to feel sick.
But it's might be from the pain I went through today.

Well, it started fine, but I could feel the bad aura around the day.
The first thing that brought me down, was a ball that have threw violently to my ear, landed perfectly to the helix, that I get a lot of pain in there lately (my friends are the worst huggers in the world).
So, no apology, and they kept playing with the ball.
Then from tease from here, tease from there.
Ended wanting  to die.


Well, since it's a long post, and I don't want to make it huge, in Extras, there's a note I wrote today, I barely felt alive.
Barely felt something.



I'm hearing Supernova (if you read the note you'll understand).


Who would believe it.
There's 3 days left.
It's exciting.
Finally finishing this long 7 years in the same routine.
Same place, same time.
Bore.
Then only changing things are the people.
The teachers, the principals (I've met 4 principals in the past 7 years!), and all the children.
The dramas, which I admire, that changing, from him to her, from her to them, from them to me, from me to us, from us to her.

Just like Rebecca Black said,
Fun Fun Fun Fun.



Okay, I want to shake of the stress and all the depression.
HAVE YOU EVER SAW WHAT THE ROYALTY WEARS ON EVENTS?
Fucling side hats.
Disneyland is more mature guys.


And the rest, disney girls.
Bitches about to die.
Look what happened to Demi Lovato, now in line right behind her stands Miley Cyrus and few steps further, Selena Gomez, not forgetting Justin Bieber, on the way to rehab.

One of my favorites about Justin, is that his crazy dumb fans actually cut themselves to express their caring for him.

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.


Well, for the ending, poison book going slow, but it'll pay off, it worth more every passing day.
With all the information.
One day, I'll open it up for you.
And I'll have it to destroy the people who make the people in my life miserable.


I shall wait.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

The Superheroes

Touching.
Even my best friend notices it.
The fucking ridiculous romance between MB to Maya G.
Like, it's sick, and somehow obvious.
I forgot, that she doesn't know what MB capable of.
Well, after bitching to me and Maya ds we know exactly, and I think she can read my mind.
If I would say a sentence for each kid in my class.
 (HUGE SPOILER TO THE FINAL YEAR POST!!)

*to a girl*.
-------
Do you aware that you almost killed me 5 times?
1. self harm.
2. inside doom.
3. social pain.
4. insults.
and the finale, are you aware that because of you, my existence was on a risk?
So just for you to  know what I think about you,
......
--------

You can guess what's the continue, but this you'll be sure of in 6 days.



So today, was one of the best ones.
Relaxed.
Most of the day I were with my precious phone.

I enjoyed from breathing and spending time.
The last Monday of school.


So, as I always do, in my travels through Facebook, I cannot ignore about Andy and batman.
It's stupid.
I swear that it's useless.
Teach me to harm pedobear, and choke and avoid pedophiles.
Not to admire batman so I can have a "chance" with Andy, that's twice my age.

And, I would say that Spiderman and Superman are mine favorites, but I won't lie.
They give me good memories and leading to pain.

I like Spiderman since I was 4, and everyday when I woke up at 3-5 am, I watched Spiderman.

But they give me bad memories.
With the Gal I used to know (who she became?) I used to make some scene of a telenovela.
And it was our inside joke, we used to perform it to our friends.
It went like this.
She.
I.

*In ridiculous telenovela voice with the head twisting*
Dvash?
What?
I'm pregnant.
From who?
Superman.
It's a boy or a girl?
A spider.
What's his name?
Spiderman.

*In normal voice*
Okay!

Now it's gone.
And only bad times surround this foggy words.

So my favorite superhero is probably this two teams.
Team Avatar.
Team Lyoko.


I want to do something.


Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, but I'm too lazy to repeat, so check Extras, because the last post is holding all the excitement.
Go read it and then continue.
......

Isn't it amazing?!
Wow, I guess that karma isn't a bitch like people claim it to be.


Today I had a moment for being like old me, mock to funny-stupid rock-metal songs.
Band named Lordi sang Hard Rock Hallelujah.
I find it funny, people in hardcore scary monster costumes* when they sing the Hallelujah in some high screaming that sounds like singing of a six year old.


I'm weirdly tired.
Probably because the new pills I'm taking, to get my period right.
Cheers to faith!

Five days, bye!

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Reaction.

Oh, vandalism, and yes, violation.
Can't you love tearing apart your old notebooks, and cherish the moment of destroying?
I just love it.
All the science notebooks, and the math papers, the best scoring tests, and the skechhful sheets.

It's nice to do it.
To know it's the end.
I won't miss this school.
I know it's true, because nothing came good from it.
I hated with whole heart some teachers.
Couldn't stand the banal tutoring methods that.
And not to forget the bitches insulting and making rain of lies on the humans.
Well, fuck them.

And just for the incredible coincidence.
I'm hearing teenagers, and meanwhile, my sister took my headphones, and I had a grape in my hand.
When I tried to put it back, I -almost- put the grape in my ear and the headphone in my mouth.

I remember perfectly (as I can) this 7 long years, I still think that others had better times.
But this I'm keeping for the 30th of the month, when the year finishing, where freedom will begin.

So, as always, today was full of rehearsals, because at the 26th we have to dance it with flawless moves and incredible timing, and suffer the endless speech of the mayor and alike.
We have a rehearsal on Tuesday we have a rehearsal, from 5 pm, to 10 pm.


I want to sleep.
But for a week.
Like a short coma.
Well, or just disappear so I won't deal everything.


Oh my god, I have such a big plan for the last day of school.
Not to do stuff in school, but one of the biggest posts.
Including:

1. New doll
   
2. Huge 7 years memories
   
3. And a personal letter that will be released only here, each one dedicated to one of my class, if he's in school or not, and if he's in my class or not.
   
4. All my art pieces, from the iPhone and the paper.
   
5. Blog opening (exactly like Idea List -r.i.p.- but with my bigger Blogger app knowledge).
   

Okay, so I started with my summer break bucket list, and I'm watching code lyoko (though, I watched all the episodes when I was 7, but it worth it) and I'm on season 2 (I watched 1 in the spring) and at the first episode, it's the first time where William (!) show up.

For you to know.

I'm in love with code lyoko.

This show, it's basically my childhood.

I admire Aelita.

I think that my personality came from it.

Since then I like the computer world (over the summer, I'll learn to program apps -I'll share some-).

I like Japanese flippy hair (Ulrich, Jeremy, Odd, and especially William).

I admire their style, and you are aware for my favorite styles.

And one of the biggest ones, since I was 7 I wanted to learn to ride a skateboard because this is how they managed to go from their school to lyoko.

Here is my expression when I saw William.

The appropriate reaction

I know I look stupid, but it was stupider when my face froze this way for five minutes because I was so fucking excited.

I already know a lot of information (spoilers...) because I remember bunch of details from the first time I watched this.

Like who's Aelita's father.

And the six place.

And William and his connection for xana.

But with it, I didn't knew that Cece and another girl and a guy join them, it's new to me, but it wouldn't if they kept putting it.

And pokemon, so then I could get a Pikachu from Prof. Oak, and say that I came from Pallet, and to make out with all the girls that will be around me.

Goodbye.

Last week of school.

Countdown: 7.

Hip Hip Horay For Me.

(I still don't get how it relates to the song, but anyway.)

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.

What?

Oh my god, I never thought that I will miss so much to the sign in the entry of our city.
So, in the last two days, two big things happened, and I couldn't post because my 3g on the iPhone decided to die.

So, Movie Morning.
Worth every minute.
We watched The Hunger Games.
And then, I started to remember, with who I watched this movie for the first time.
With the forever tayl, Gal.
Who the fuck is she?
Who the fuck am I?
I guess that stupid gone stupider...
I couldn't understand why and what.
But with it I knew exactly the answers.
Me and my blood.

So it went well, friends, I, movie, food.
It was nice.
We want to do it again.

I want it to happen all the time, we already planned that we will watch Catching Fire together.


Then, a trip.
It was a very long one so I'll tell only the funny parts.

We had a joke in the trip, it's a famous Israeli line, "Haven't the Jewish people suffered enough?!".
So my dad told us a story about when he stayed in the hotel, that some Swiss guy came and slept with them in the bed, and then my dad asked his friend "Who is he?!" and small-talk about the crazy Swiss guy started, then my father called to the reception and started it this way "Haven't the Jewish people suffered enough?!".

So, the next day, our guider told us we must walk more so I said quietly "Haven't the Jewish people suffered enough?!" and my parents laughed.


Another part, involved with water and YouTube.
Do you know those YouTube fails videos, when people (mostly boys) doing stupid stuff and get injured (mostly balls).
So, I walked on a (narrow) pipe that was above a stream, I succeed on walking on eat, until the finishing where I lost the balance and fell to the water, and what I've done so I won't get into the water? Hanged my hands on spiky bush.


And yeah, I've noticed that I haven't told you about the graduation party.
I hate to dance.
I hate Itay.
I hate nature.
We visited the exact same place we visited last year.
The difference was that we did it at night.
It was funny, and stupid almost the same.

The worst part was that we had to be with the girls from the other class, oh my, never thought that it will happen, but lately it does.
She became friends with the girl (queen bee) that bullied her at preschool, she threw her food to the trash, covered her in sand, made her 5th year of life harder.

Just charming.


I've finally got Night Star, sadly in English, but sometimes, it's better to make a small effort and get smarter and finish the book instead of waiting.
But I still need to finish Reached.
I'll start reading, and hopefully finish it in the next 8 days of school.

Can you actually believe it.
I'm finishing my job here and moving for Junior High!
And not only for the 7th grade, but to the Sport class!
To get fit as fuck and make amazing high scores, and be healthy and happy.
Until something (or someone, like my life always showed me) will destroy it, and then the cycle again.



Well, my sister stared to read the graduation book, and we have a list in the end of what we think we'll be in 20 years.
I said I'll be a mother, I'm practical.
And my sister kept reading and said "Yali said she'll be a psychologist".
And we said in the same time "Yeah... right...".
Oh, she's really good at hearing others, because they can't talk because she won't shut the fuck up.
And such a sympathy, wood logs care more.
I have a long list, but this blog is for life, not for he endless repeating list of hatred.


And hear comes another end of a very messy post.
Good luck surviving that last days of school, and if you finished already, go get some dolls and name them with something inspired from your life.
Make our circle of push psychos.


Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Disturbing

"What, are you five?", this is the most sentences that Yali got by our class, she refused to stand at her place because the guy (Itay) that making some separate between us wasn't around all the time (popularity do change people).

It was quite funny, she is afraid from me.
If I would talk to her, I would probably say that I don't bite, yet.
It's funny, she is the easy case.
Five year old disguised as 12 year old (biologically) and me, enchant disguised as a 12 year old.


So, as always, rehearsals.
It sucks.

And today I (re)discovered that I hate our principal.
It's sick that if I wear simple shirt (like our uniform) but without the ugly useless logo, she shout on me and forces me to wear a hoodie (to hide).
But when others wear tank tops (forbidden!) with some pattern, it's okay.
What?



Oh, hatred, here you are again.
My mom forced me to give my brother money because I called him with a curse he says all the time.
Not fair, mom.


So today we have one event.
The graduation party of our school, and in less then a week, the regional one.
They both including the movements of hell.
DANCING.


Through my facebook traveling to nowhere, I found that the vocal man (Andy, am I right?) models for a shirt, that there's a picture of him in it.
I think that stupidity crossed lines.
I still hate it in backpacks and shirts of kids that they get from their preschools and kindergartens.
This is extremely dumb, wearing your face on you chest.
Disturbing.
VERY DISTURBING.
It's like when people doing the belly-button man, just worse.


And by the way, someone of them jumped to the crowd (I'm not that surprised somehow), and the crowd stole his ID, the wallet, and the ear piercing.
What?
I want to give a trophy or something for the ear piercing stealer, it's epic, he is a professional thief.
But seriously.
Who the fuck put an ID and a wallet on him, while he perform?!
Because of course that the sheriff will try to arrest you when you drink whiskey while you singing youth and whiskey (still hate this song).



So I need to go there, I'll go back hoe at 2 am, so I won't post.
Tomorrow is morning movie.
Bye.

Plan B

Oh, sweet friends, sweet trust.
Today I saw a movie.
At the start, we supposed to go to After Earth, but Keren wasn't allowed to go to this movie (her strict parents in their -too- honest relationship) so instead, we went to Now You Can See Me.
Well, we thought it was a little annoying that we couldn't watch After Earth.
But after the first 5 minutes, we discovered that our Plan B is better than the one before it.
I think you shall all go to watch this piece of film that deserved to get all the possible prizes.

I would tell you why I like it, but it would be a huge spoiler that will destroy your movie.
In just one line, so I won't ruin too much.
Everything it's not what it seems.

And actually, I think that the last days go better and better.
I'm making the bonds tighter.
But with it, destroying few that will become unnecessary.
Example, lowering the defense on Maya (G) one.
I can't be such a good friend with the best friend of the demon that still breathing in pride.

Actually.
I have to say, it's quite impressive.
I must say that I was off-guard.
I didn't knew that she is that smart.
I did underestimate her.
And as a fan of every cruelty that admire the planned trails, she need o get her prize.
Creativity, it's incredible, the attention for the smallest details, the sneakiness in the dragging a wave to destroy me, in such a smal time, all the destroyment, in one month.
Success, it went so well, dragging perfectly these morons, and even with the lack of sense in it, most of them was too dumb to figure it, you set them in the believement that it's me.
And the best.
Acting, I swear, professional actors can't go this good, if I could perform a lie so good, I will probably write the best stories.
But after all, how Naive she is, it should be in some world record archion, it's amaze me.

Okay, have I ever told you how much I hate Taylor Swift?
Yes, the teen country-pop-dissapointed-love-singer.
I can't hear sad and/or love songs.
I reject those things.
And right now for the very long next weekends, she'll be singing in the television screen her stupid songs.
Oh gosh, at least I will watch code lyoko, my summer bucket list, is to watch Pokemon and Code Lyoko.
And become a better artist, so TV is the best one to get from the information.


Well, today another rehearsals, and the best things are that I know a lot of people from my previous programs, and I remember the most, because they had presence, you could feel the difference in the room when they're not there, they're aura is missing, and everyone can feel it, the energy is different.


It was nice, being connected to everybody.
Like the nerve system, everything connected to everything.



Well, the post is very messy, I hate to read ones, but don't mind to write ones.
I have no idea how people got to this blog and keep reading it, everyday.
Maybe while the daylight still shining on every leaf of the cherry tree.
Or maybe when your bedtime comes and you still read it through your phone.
I won't know, but it doesn't really matter.


You know, one thing that I never understood, is that people want to get their children of the computer and the television.
It's insane.
I learned a lot through them (some good, and some not), and now I'm smart enough.
I think that people that watch TV, know how to commuincate or to live in real life.
Somehow I learned crap and fixed it.
Somehow I know to do things.
Somehow I know to draw and write.
And the most important, somehow I learned English.
This way.

Because of you people, I can read and write everything.
In five days, it's our six month anniversary.
I have bunch of time, so I have two options (that I'll probably make them both), to publish in Extras all my (best) artworks, and to make another plushie.
And just for you to know, it will probably be a skeleton one or something.

I ate sushi and I'm not feeling well.
Crap.

Bye!

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Moment

Fuck you Keren.
Worst psychologist ever.
My mum told me that if I want to stop it, I need to do whatever she says.
Well, I don't mind doing it, but, it's including arts, with her, in the room.
I love drawing, it's the humans I hate.
And I less like to do it the original way, I like to do it with my iPhone, where it's much easier with much more options.

Oh, god, why to take me to a demon, I know that I would like to go to a therapist that will mess my mind and do whatever he can and after two months I'll go back home.
That simple.

And who the fuck told that I thought that I will suicide?
This is the most low thing to say (not even speaking about believing) and especially from my parents.
It's crazy.
It's so annoying that they discovered it too late and they think I'm still doing it.
I think it's the thing that hurts most.
They have to remind it to me, until I'm happy and I'm not even depressed a little in mind, I'm forced to be someone I stopped to be.
And when it giving more pain the memories, it's a punishment that will forever hunt me, one of many others that will forever burn.

I don't have daddy issues, no mama issues.
Just issues.
That I caused.
I own the blame.


You know what hurts the most?
That everything I thought I have, is lost.
But after all, it might be that I don't own the blame.
And it's the worst kind of fame.

I got what I thought I want.
But it wasn't the thing I needed, this is why they hunt.
Waiting for the day.
And then, they'll stay.
Until they'll fade away.

This was another thing I don't do in public.
Another private skill in my world.


So, today was nothing.
Just rehearsals.
Boring dance.
Boring music.
Boring people.
All the day until I got with my never-boring friends.
Okay, so somehow I ended playing with Guy (another guy -wordgame!- that isn't in the clique but we don't mind hanging with) and Gal (the guy) and one of the Idos, and Gal (drag) in FunRun.
It was so fun.
One time, a second before the finish line, one guy called me (to make me to lose) and it was so funny.
Well, you can't understand when you're not there.


Sometimes your days go brighter from one small memory.
And if I had a photo I would put, but check stuff on extras, I found some funny tweets.


Goodbye.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Charming Rhyming

Something I just wrote on Springpad.

Stupid, a fool. 
Believing that people can change. 
Oh, one of the biggest lies I've ever said to myself about someone I love.
Gal can't change. 
What have I thought?
I said myself that drags are very loyal to the royalty. 
Once a tayl, forever a tayl. 
Oh so stupid. 

And guess who the "queen"?
No else than MB. 
Like it's a new thing. 
War means war, battle means battle, since in girl world there are fragile, faking the feel make it seem so real, such a shame, doing it to kill. 

Changing rhyming, what can I say?
But for real, that intriguer that aren't so sure what she really is, starting to disturb the clique I'm making, and against the girl section. 
Actually, I might thank her, for giving me such a great gift, showing that I WILL stand up for my friends, even when I'm not the closest to them. 

Oh, so strange what happened today.

It started with rehearsals (again?!), funny and nice, standing between my best-guy-friend and my ex best-guy-friend.

One side, is talking and flirting (current best friend) and the other laughing and flirting.

Then, singing stupid song that I don't believe in but forced to.

** I know it's really random, but only I think about Gavin (the employee that adopted a dead rat and dead dove) from Drake & Josh when I see the vocalist for Sleeping With Sirens?**

Then, we learned ~very random~ about debates, and it is perfect for a girl that have a lot to say.

And Addi and I did one debate, and I done something I totally don't believe in and I still convinced the whole class.

Then, the awful as fuck (wait for it...), lesson with the other class girls, SEX ED (here it is!).

It's so stupid.

They do tell us about the changes in our body, it won't really help.

But making sure that you won't do sex, and won't get pregnant, and won't die.

Says it all.

I want to see them in the future.

They try to make us not to drink.

I will and by the speed of the illegal drinking, when I'll be 15 and up.

Smoking, I've told already, Cigars once in a while, drugs destroy your brain and skin, cigarettes destroy you lungs and skin.

And sex, well, by when I'll be in the army (18+) I won't be a virgin (probably).

Oh the stupidity is unbelievable, and undefinable, I believe that banging your head in a spike brick wall will make you smarter.

Than rehearsals until the last school bell ring.

Such a boring school day.

I bought shirts for next year, with the logo of the uniform.

And I forgot one thing.

Right after sex ed, Yali whispered to her group about something and Keren knew about it, I was curious and asked Keren what it was.

I convinced her (I'm skilled, what can I say) and then said in normal voice, "Well, that's funny", because the question that Yali whispered was idiotic.

Then MB, started to get hurt, cried and whined about it.

Gal (she worship MB) came by and said loud to Keren that what she done was really unfair, and stuff.

If I could to kill her, I would.

Then to cut the bullshit, I said loud and clear to Gal "I asked Keren about it, it my fault".

And Gal started to be honest - for me it was a bitch- and say that if I don't want to be the bitch in there I shouldn't ask from the start.

I should say "Oops, too late" in a very bitchy voice and and end it like a boss.

It was the drama I needed to watch today, it's better than TV that stopped working yesterday.

And the best thing, that I won't ever forget it, why?

The notebook.

My 12-year-old version for the epic Cruel Intentions.

I will probably make much more, inspired as twice from Cruel Intentions.

Fuck the enemies, their name will forever be inked on the paper.

Hatred is a feeling that never dies, just fade away for a while.

But never really gone.

This what happens when you build a monster, it will kill you, it's in her nature.

And I'm that monster.

And they combined me with their both skills, and mixed with mine.

Stronger than that?

Impossible.

Now it's me, that girl that insane from what happened but acting calm when surrounded by her friends.

So, I have pretty much nothing to say but, watch the epic TV pilots for Valemont, it's about vampire college, and it's not in twilight style or any sarcastic other boring movie, this one is pretty much twisted.

And if you think it's good to check if you are a vampire by their method, make sure you have Ambulance number on speed dial.

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.

Funny

Funny.
It went better than I thought it would.
Probably I'll crash tomorrow.
The faster the better.

Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care
She lives in a world so unaware
But she knows that my destiny lies with her
Sarah, oh Sarah are you saving me?

Well, MB did not.
I don't know why but instead of saying Major Bitch I think about Mega Bacon, I have no idea why, I don't even eat bacon.
Well, I like food, so it might relate.

Today was, umm, not bad.
I think I'm happy but I'm not, I got what I want, but It's no what I needed, I hate it.
I guess one day I'll be in love again, I'll feel the best, until my heart will break.
Lost again, trying to find myself, and re-live this demented idea.
Funny, I'll do it for long while and then, I'll set down with "the love of my life" and forever be in this routine.



We had our last test today.
In Bible, the most annoying and hard subject that every Jewish human forced to learn.
We have pretty much sick stories in there.
There were there something that exactly like the hunger games,12 boys and 12 girl fighting to death against each other.
Fun.
And now a step-brother rape his step-sister and the brother of the sister murder the step-brother.
I swear that adult movies are easier to watch.



I can only imagine what will happen, two weeks for school to end.
My family and I supposed to renovate the apartment.
To close the balcony and make it to a room, to redesign the living room, to more modern house.
I love it.
It means visiting Ikea, and I want to get some cheap fabrics to our plushies collection, I want more animal-like dolls like Kayne.


So, appearntly Keren aren't friend metrial for me, but destruction for my greedy needs, it is.
I'm just like MB, making the legacy keep rolling.

So, I have nothing to write.
I'm not me anymore.
I'm insane.
I lost myself.
So where I am?

Probably, left behind where trust lost too.
And I giving my best to avoid trust but if I want myself, I need to get trust.



I will stop.
I have two weeks end then I'll see the perfect girl again, but only once in a very long while.
Then I would have to stand the people I don't like but I sopped caring about.
Cross your fingers (if you're Christian) and if not, just eat Ice-Cream.



I have nothing to say, just search in one of the blogs (probably a new one) for a review about an amazing app named Adobe Ideas.



Funny to think I'm still alive.
That my lungs haven't burned yet.

I'm close to the legal age to drink alcohol, 18.
I wonder what will happen.



Just to not break a tradition.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
Flawless life, that's what you have.
I live where pressure come from everywhere.
You leave under small parental pressure.
I live by everywhere pressure.
Mostly from me.
Good luck at surviving me, I'm destroying myself and it will affect you.
Good luck.


Charles, well.
Go to do Charles things.



Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Values

Goddamn shoot my fucking head.
What the fuck is wrong with my life?!
My mum is probably bipolar mixed with amnesia.
So she forget how much she scared me and yelled at me yesterday.
Do you mind to buy a weapon, nice one, I prefer something that seems entertaining,like a light sword.

But what the fuck? Flawless child?
And me, the girl that have messed up life with issues, need to stand perfection that she secretly wants.
I want have amazing life, approaching them won't happen.

I want to fall asleep, into a better life.
Like another dimension, like Summerland.
 And to walk to the beach, catching every wave, becoming the avatar, to be everything and everywhere.

I feel kind of worse than usual, when I were dead, I felt, I could do something.
Now? it's really passing time.
Sunshine school.
Terrible twilight.
Like I don't have a heart.
Like I'm a corpse, buried among ground.

Now, I'm nothing.


I cannot stand her.
I never thought I would want to die from someone I'm pretending to like.
Am I MB?!
Jealousy run us both.
Fuck.


I hate myself, I'm no less evil than my foes and enemies.
I should get rotten and die as I wish for them.


I want to make this journal happen.
But I can't do it when I'm Kathryn.


Or am I?

After all, Kathryn and Sebastien are the same.
Sweet denial.
Oh, and if you really think about it, I may be Kathryn and miss sunshine (that accurate to the character) will play Cecile.

Being cruel is beautiful.
I can manipulate.
Just a practice and reading and I'm ready to go.
Fuck the bitches, I have my own league.
System changing, society replacing.
I'm ready to go.


I won't bully, just make words work for me.
Flirting and having fun from the amusement bonded with every luxury I may get.


Oh my, it's bullying!
What have I thought?
Well, let's see it moving, let's push to get it rolling.
I can stop, eventually I will see that it don't fit me, and I'll stop.
If it will, god bless the rest.

Well I read How To Manipulate People (I am desperate) and I'm were at the right way since the beginning.
Well, I think I checked everything there.
I even have a stare, saved to all my enemies.
Laughable, I always add a devilish smile for the end go back to my bussiness.
Make Me finally have the first post that I supposed to poen the blog with.
How to become a player instead of a goddamn doll.



Well, look at me.
Maybe the headmaster was right?
I should have keep all values, while I resisted to not.
Good luck, you made me a bitch.
I guess you'll laugh last.
You probably correct, but right now, I might just started a new chapter.



Holy crap!
I knew she seemed fumiliar!
Ariana Grande is Kat!
From Victorious!
I knew that the red hair was a hint and her face.



So guys, I have no idea what to do, and I will probably waste the time that left to become more devilish so I will get sick from it soon.



And before the end, when I showered I noticed some weird thing in my leg, some scartch or something.
I sprayed it with something that is kind of peeling liquid and it burned, I enjoyed it.


Goodnight.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Get down (go frown)

Soon, today will become tomorrow.
And today was a very long day.

After nice day in school, we played black rabbit, it's a game that eveyone is closing their eyes and pointing their fingers, and some guys go and touch on some others and after all the first guys who stood and touched others let the one they;ve touched to guess who touched them, if they correct, they switch, if not, not.

Then, after school, I went surfing.
I was really opened and talked, and was free.

Then after few minutes to Keren (oh, goddamn with this flawless child!)
I still was a social butterfly.
And I had fun, I also talked to another male hotties factory of her family.
Well, I flirted but not creepy as MB or Maya ds.
I like to flirt, it's really easy, come close, look in the eyes, smile, laugh.
Then about at 10, we went to her pool with my epic bikini, and I looked like great figured human being.

Every wave was a perfect wave. 

Okay, my mom is the best when it's about destroying my perfect day. 

She calls me selfish. 

She's upset with my suicidal thoughts. 

But she's keeping making them pop in my mind. 

I want a knife, I can't see any good in my life. 

It scares me. 

I'm turning more and more to be like Jordan (the one from Instagram).

My heart. 

Oh, scars are sewn, doesn't means that there are no new ones. 

I'm sore from doing everything I'm expected to do an expected to be. 

What if I don't want to visit my aunt?

What if I don't want to go to a therapist?

What if I have wills?

What if I have needs?

What if I'm a human?

And when I thought its getting better. 

I knew something bad would happen. 

Can we fast-forward 'till go down In me?

I want to believe. 

I want to see. 

But I can't. 

Why does leaving home sounds so charming to me?

I swear, thinking leads for talking, talking leads for doing. 

And as it goes, I don't want to get beat up by my mother. 

I want to be like the cherry tree, in the beautiful cherry blossom. 

But stay forever with the fresh pink flowers. 

So, Keren. 

Oh, Keren.

Tell me, what do you think?

I'm jealous of course, flawless girl. 

Why an I the damaged?

I think that it's better for me to be apart from her, my destroyed soul dont want problems again.

Goodnight, I want to cry right now. 

And bleed. 

Berries, survivors, I hope you'll make it. 

 

Priceless

Well, bitch gone bitchier.
I'm not speaking about MB, I have stories to tell you about her, you might find it amusing.
So Keren, the precious angel faced copy cat, is keeping doing her thing, trying to be me.
Freaking retarded.
I know my life seems inviting, it's the natural me, but have she saw the past year?
Misery is nice word to define it.
Nice.
People that will try to be me (all the way) won't survive.
Probably die in the middle, or stop.
Suiciding is probably how.

She still afraid from horror movies.
I'm not.
After my life were one, it's easy.
She still cannot have creativity and friendships that open and wild.
I can.
I always were this way, risky, for the good and the bad.

Fuck you Keren.
Fuck you goddamn lost tayl Dollie bitch!

So, because I want to end this hateful side
Here comes the regular Oh, Keren.


So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.

Tell me, what do you think?
What the fuck Keren. What. The. Fuck.
Like, find your own hobbies.
My friends are a little bit different and a little bit the same (something that our English teacher gave us to do last year, the work I did with Gal and I torn apart.) You can't be my friend, I just hate you.
So what the fuck are you think you are doing? can't  you see my eyes rolling and me, avoiding you?
Copying me, my not so happy reaction.

So people, I feel she resembles the bitches that raised her, MB and Gal.
Built on the bases of connections, envy, and copying.
Fun.



People, you know how fun it is to be in the center, but when you are happy and find the exact measures for being this way, just being the real you fits when you don't have a shitty personality.
I don't have shitty personality, I have human personality, all the goods with fears and sadness and everything you know this far, year of misery.

So today, finally.

School started the same, another dancing rehearsals, and singing, and walking, and waving.
Fun.
Meanwhile it all, I laughed a lot.
I think I might become friends again with Itai (now I know it's with i' instead of y').
He started to talking to me, nicely.
And funnier, he is fucking rude to MB.
Loved it.
These days it's fun.
I know how to treat boys, it's something you learn when you hang out only with males since you were born.
Funny, it's nice to earn back a childhood friend.
And others that I thought I might never talk with, talking with me, making  me laugh.
One boy, he's not popular (finally a good one to keep!) doing magic tricks, and he talks about things he do from time to time, and it's interesting.

I find it interesting because I love to learn.
The more you know the less mistakes you know.
Like information I've learned from Chinese lesson, that white is evil, and it's not so formal there.
And clocks you give to people that retire.
So now, if you'll become a business tech manager, don't give white and clocks to China.


It was a beautiful day.
Still successful.
The jealousy on her face was priceless!
Trying to talk with my favorite heart smasher, and he speaks to her as he used to speak to me year and half before, don't want her in, talking like trash.
Now making me laugh, finally talk about something funny and interesting.
Well, as long as he's far from the twat dancers from the other class.

Such an magnificent day.
I learned today from my epic guy friends what is Yatzy and how you play it.
It's fun to be with them.


Oh, I wonder if summer gives you those beautiful golden wings.
I sink in the winter and rise back as the spring start.
Maybe next year I'll get better.
After all, sports releases hormones that makes you happier.




And people, weird announcement, I might go to blood checking thing to make sure that I don't have some weird disease that make teens to have extra hormones, like extra break-outs, hairiness, changing period.
I want that we could plan trips and know it will come at the exact date.
So, I just need to say it to my mom, and zap, test results.

So it's late and I want to watch Cruel Intentions because I bought a red* leather notebook and a pen, to achieve the most as I can.

*I hate red because it's more to sexual (let's get pregnant!) and bloody (just no) and for attention seeking whores, I prefer blue and purple, but mostly blues and greens.


Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Vicious

What the fuck.
I can't get it down.
I swear she might have an amnesia mixed with everything that is alike.
Like what MB done is nothing, like she didn't avoided me for the past 3 months.

Nothing.
Blind like the rest.

And what have I thought?
She could change?
Why have I lied to myself?
Her soul is belonged to this devil long ago.
Now she is the slave of the demons.

Yes, I do speaking about Gal.
I know it's not so nice to talk this way about someone you love and in the same time, hate.
I know I want her friendship again.
But I'm better without her.
I'm stronger.
Happier.

I don't need her, not at all.
But I still want her.
Crazy.

I believe that she's trying to be with me.
I know how much she hates Maya, they like natural enemies, like I thought I was with Ido, the one who were a boyfriend of my friend in one field trip.
So, anyway, it's like magnets, both on north.
And I picked one north, yet I still have something that attract me to the other one.
Fuck it.
I'll just go along with life, destiny will guide me through.

Today, well, nice.
I accidentally put a leg for one of my teammates in soccer.
So embarrassing.
I ran away.
Showed my weakness.
I have no idea what they said later.
But it doesn't matter, right?

Later, after I ran away, I want talking with friends and some guy in my sister class, I like him, for a third grader, he gets what I'm dealing with.

Then we had pretty much nothing.
A break passed by.
And then at the fifth hour, Gal and MB gave to all the kids what they need to bring to the graduation party in math class.
Our teacher saw it too, she was upset.
They asked for too much.
She told them to change that.

I found it as an opportunity.
I asked Gal if I can help to change it.
She agreed and we went down to the computer room.
We fixed it and laughed together.
She spoke behind MB back, she hate her.
It's like on this movie "The Clique" where they said they would rather be popular and everyone hate you than being a friendless loser.
Well kind of the same.


We talked a little.
Worth it.

Might be a new start with self destruction.
My ending is the only thing that came out from this friendship.


So, at 6 I'm going to Keren, the psychologist.
I know it's not Monday, but, she had plans.

At the morning after I ran off, I wanted to write it to you.

Why I won't suicide when it's seems so right?
Why do I care so much from my parents.
It seems like the right thing to do, so why am I keeping my choice to the wrong?

I won't ever do it anyway, but it's better to think than tell, and tell is much better than do.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
If you only knew what I'm saying about you.
And if you knew, you might also knew that I'm sorry.
I shouldn't talk this way.
But, I'm sorry.
You are annoying as fuck.
Well actually, annoying as the clingy girls after sex.
That annoying.
So please tell me.
What are you?
An undefined doll.
Sorry for underestimating you.
You have guts.
You still a drag but with it, you became right now to for a certain taylo, like the ones who don't have any tayls.
Nice Keren, good luck next year, now I know you've got the material.
But still, something is missing so you're kind of incomplete.


So, I"m fucking tired from this psychologist.
I have this blog, where's the difference?
I'm talking about everything in here already, and it's not hard to guess who I like more.
Defiantly not humans who own their thoughts and have this annoying highness because they are about three times my age.


This why I understand hippies.
Fuck the system.
Fuck the society.
Give me music, give me food, give me something to laugh from.
I don't deserve it, but I like it.


So, since I'm going to have any possible notes about the people I know.
I'll make something similar to Cruel Intentions, the journal, with the information about all his hook ups.
I know, might become bitchy as the Burn Book, but I don't care.
It's mine, private.
I would do it in hand-write if I'd like, but online is so simple, though, it might become a trademark.
Braid and a leather notebook.
Well, may look amazing.
Start my middle school as the girl with the book.
Diary of secrets.
Chamber with words.

So, since I fucking hate to write (21st century generation!) I would probably do it in my iPhone, with springpad, or with other apps I downloaded to try this.
Probably with Springpad, it's just so comfy, well designed and so personalized.
You really do it, pick it, I think it's amazing.
And if I could I would use This Is Note, but it's expensive.
I totally adore it, but the lite version of 10 notes is just so limiting.
I would do about hundreds.
My class is 31 kids, minus me it's 30, it's impossible.


So, if one of you would like to see my secretive journal, comment and I'll add you.
Since you never comment, I have no reason to worry.
So, I'll work it when I'm supposed to sleep.
I know who I'll start with.
Keren.
It's obvious.
Who else is a start?
Well, everything on them would be there.
Positive, and mostly, negative.
Enough that one reads it and anarchy and chaos will begin.
Imagine, all the secrets, all the dirty facts about them.
This would be so creepy and evil.
Perfect!
Though, perfect is overrated.
But still, incredibly tempting.
I hope it would suit me, so I could be stronger, with a bitch side that all my attempts to raise has failed.
Good luck.



And as well, Charles (remember?) is sending you a kiss goodnight (or morning, or noon, or daylight) and I rather to send you a hug, because trust me, it works.



Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

MBC

Well, movie morning seems tough.
I know it might become hell, but it won't appear to become any alike.
So the invitees won't ever become FBI or CSI members, the suck at secrets.
This movie is a secret thing, we are above 4 kids, much more, and by our teacher, it's a rule we shall not pass.
So they've told it to their friends and now they afraid that they will snitch.
I don't care.
I will take the blame.
I don't really care.

News from last night.
I broke my laptop screen (again).
And since my dad is about to get for himself a new laptop, I will get his "old one", this old one is from 2012, it have a touch screen.
Bam.
Imagine how cool it would be!
And I will change it to nothing else but Windows 8!
I can't wait for it!
It's incredible!
A review about windows 8, from a 12 year old.

So, today news, this day, Tuesday, the worst day of the week.
5 hours with our teacher, and it seems endless because we have bible for the first two hours, so stupid.
We learning about a step-brother raping his step-sister and then the biological brother of the sister making a plan to kill the step-brother.
No wonder about all the anti-Jewish horror stories.
About the possession from the Dybbuk, about the golem, about all the other things children raised with.
Well, but this, we had another annoying rehearsals, and suffer is common there.
So after this, at the second break, we all went to make the Bat-Mitzvah clips for Keren that went to a performance because of her dancing thing, I'm going to the auditions with her this Thursday, bonds is important, I will need to use it one day.


So as waves breaking in the bitch, the obvious is keep going.
I don't sure you get it, but there's like two camps in the girl side of our class.
Mine, and Major bitch's one.
So, we are 8 girls.
Minus the camp owners.
6.
Gal is barely know where she is.
5.
Two girls I hate at MBC (Major Bitch Camp), but one dragging to mines.
And the 3 that left are with me.
And two is dragging a little to hers.

Well as always the camps are always against each other, but not as war, just not the most connected.

Today at the clips, I asked if I can join, they agreed, okay.
Yali and Addi asked if they can join, they say no, fine.
But no, wasn't fine, they made one of their own, and stole all the kids so we couldn't make ours.

So let's just forget about these hours.
I've made another and better dream catcher.
I like it.
I like DIY from any kind.









I like it.

Well anyway.
My brain is melting right now.




So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
Please, do you see any sense?
Am I *that* good at lying so I made you believe?
I don't really like you, but you area nice tayl, just perfect for a working bee.
But I'm proud of you, somehow...
Going through it, just don't overboard.
Funny, what will happen next year?
You do have a potential, but will you use it?
Well, you sure do, but will you use it correctly?

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, why the fuck would you be a tayl that left behind for all those 7 years?
You had everything, why won't you?
I guess it's because you are better then all of us.
The blood covered paws of ours, always have guilt.


So, what will happen.
I wonder.
Well, anyway, today I heard the popular song.
I loved it, the clip is a bonus you know.
Hear it, read it, watch it.
It worth it, for sure.
Well, it's the kind of pop version of my favorite songs.
Or my songs are the rock version of their pop songs?
Well, I guess I'll never know, philosophy don't work with senseless people.
Live the life, ask questions, learn things, don't be stuck with the same thing forever.

I think that a great addition on sims 3 university is to woohoo.
Amazing, and if you ad daredevil trait or lazy you might get pregnant, it would be epic.
Such a funny (but serious) thing!


So, since I have nothing to say.
It's another boring pathethic ending of a post.

Happy girl, signing out!

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Forgiveness

I'm sorry.
I know I shouldn't do it.
It's a mistake I made.
I forgot you are not a tayl, that you are a confused taylo.
And I'm sorry I spoke that way.
I forgot that you aren't a hopeless solider.
You are better.
And I know that I should have say I'm sorry, but after all my, my well puffed ego controls me.

This is weird I shouted her.
Too much power, the piss is in my mind.
So, in most times it happens I would sink down, but now, I am in a better condition, I knew what stopped me all along, and it's means nothing to me right now.

I shouted on my sister-soul-mate-best-friend-forever.
And I didn't apologize, but at least she forgive me.
I should practice on saying sorry.
Like I should to say that I love people in their faces.

So movie night, yep, still in the making.
We doing this on next Friday, because we don't have school.
We got day off because the day before it we have a trip until 2 am.
Yay!
I feel the epicness in my blood.
Can you believe that 3 months ago I was miserable?
Next Friday my friends and I going to have a movie get-together.
And the only  problem is that, we haven't picked a movie yet.
I need to suggest some.
And we probably use one of the guys membership to get a movie.
And since I have an amazing dad, we have 2 TVs in the living room, with WII and Playstation 3 and XBOX 360.
Means that anyhow it will be a fun memory.
Even if an ambulance come.

I have strict rules.
And it's about the invitees.
Easy.
Who I like, in.
Who I don't, out.
My circle is in.
Pretty much everyone else, out.


So, today we had dancing (for another event) and I hate it.
Then we talked about The Triumph at math, and then back to dancing.
Popularity is under my feet.
But not as the devil soul way, in the way that people actually like you.
When you let the right ones in.
This kind of things I want to live daily.
Without falling in love, and without filling with hate.
Just being happy, and from time to time, to be negative, to respect and cherish as much as I can because soon Junior High is about to start and as well, all the rest will start their attempt to grow up.
So funny to watch them, just like a movie.

As well, our endless part about our hopeless child, trying to decide how she'll survive.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
Are you for real?
Keren, it's impossible to be in everything.
There is a reason that in every movie the students are parted by their cliques.
Pick yours and stay away from the others.
Find the circle of trust.
You are lucky that you can attempt tries from getting in, but you never been invited, you are the kind of a friend like pity date or something to describe when people join you so you won't feel bad about yourself, Major Bitch done it to my friend, became his girlfriend for two goddamn days, then broke his heart, year after I broke his.
So I don't really like Keren.
Dragged, tayl, solider.
A dolly, maybe.
I need beside me a leader, a taylo and a king.
This why I have Maya ds, she fits to the spot.
So Keren, do you really want to pass your life trying to be with someone who don't want you? To try to force them to let you in.

So, Keren.
You too now? got this disease of "never-skinny-enough" from MB (major bitch), you not like her, you are better, you are innocence.
I know that your diet seems amazing.
Why won't it, no unhealthy snacks and no sweetened drinks.
At the start I've done it too, seems healthy at the start.
Then you see no change but in your imagination, that you gained.
So you'll decide to take a risk and cut with meals.
After a failing, you decide to really cut at food.
Not eating in school.
You won't see change, others will.
And if you won't stop yourself, you'll go down with anorexia, bulimia, and depression probably will drown you and drag you to the death.
This secret I'll keep for myself.
Maybe one day when I'll make a biography.

So Keren,
Oh, Keren.
Why can't you stop, open your eyes and see, see what's really happening, see who invites you in, and go for them, see who takes you out, and avoid them.
Now, when you'll be able to really open your barely working eyes, stay away.


And I'm sorry so being so self-centered on this Oh, Keren post, just came out this way.


Okay, I believe in Astrology, and today I've read about that I will say something I didn't meant to say and I should have not to.
And it happened!
It's scary,  you know.
But I like it, it's really nice.


So, what shell I say?
Depression has left me.
The only readable materiel is the Oh, Keren.
As I see it, people would prefer to be on their happiness and share their sadness.
So, You might come after a while and find me in tough times again, and meanwhile write about things I don't understand, things that I care about, everything.

I'm about to do something, not sure exactly what, but I will.
And I won't eat another piece of brownies with vanilla ice cream, or as I call it, heaven with chocolate.
So since I want to end this post so I won't forget to publish it later, you might read the next thing in Poison Extras.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Under-The-Belt

"Are your life that hard so you have to make everyone miserable?!" my mum yelled.
"Don't every speak to me again!" I torn my lungs, screaming, and then, slamming the floor with heavy strong feet, going forward to my room.

Well, I will never consider that my toe touched my sister's fork as cruelty that leads others to misery.
And for the record, my mum done under-the-belt attacking.
Well, my life are that hard but I won't ever make other feel pain.
I swear that slits on my neck are not painful as her word.
It's cruelty.
Her words burning.
My life are awful.
If I'll ever have a biography, people will consider it as a tragedy.
And why the fuck would she use this beginning?!
I'm so upset, I can't even enjoy my favorite songs, not talking about to laugh from the simple, shallow, humor from Robot & Monster.

Now, even in my "Calm Saturday" I get upset.

I loved the last hours, crafting.
Made a hobo bag from new tank I've got from major bitch to my birthday.
Crafted some pouch/pencil-case with pikachu design (ears and face).
And drew on my ugly wallet.
I have pink (I hate pink) wallet that only one side is black (from my nail polish, because it was too pink for me) and on the pink side I drew by the Internet, the Space Invaders main alien.


I don't even mind that my songs (with all the screaming, and other creepy elements) are playing in the living room, loud enough so the whole room can hear.
My life already fucked, what's the problem to fuck a little more?

Well, empty days passes slow until somebody screaming.
And here I am, passing the time left here.
Knowing that my opportunity for getting my desired apologize, fading away.
And I want her humiliation.
What's wrong with it?
I deserve to get a revenge.


It's annoying that everyday I think about cutting myself again, over and over.
My minimum is to think about it 3 times a day.
Everyday.

Hopeless.
Fucking tired from breathing.
Happy? Barely.
Sad? Nope.
Suicidal? Results may vary by seconds.

I want some virtual world to play in.
Meet another strange people, avoiding perverts.
But since it's impossible (unless I'll invent it myself) I have to do all the hard work.

Well, since empty days making empty posts.
Bye, berries.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

6 months

Oh crap!
I just saw one of the days that my wrist was like, the sticks that cats scratch.
Scratch stick hands.
It's so awful.
It's on the post "I'm not hungry", can you believe that 6 months passed since this photo.
So creepy to look at old posts.
I think, like, what the hell was wrong with me?
I suggest you to open (in new tabs, so you won't miss a thing from this post) and read.
Look how much we done.
With all the time that passed, sarcasm stayed with me.
Along this boring tunnel, carried me under her wings.
Like my love/crush/any-other-nickname for this guy, my crush to the other.
And being best-friend with Gal.

What a fool.
Believing shit and stuff.
Well, at least I'm fabulous.

It's so fun to admire yourself.
Snobbish things may come useful.
Fuck yeah.
Well, as long as I love myself, others can too, right?
And it's better to over-adore yourself, then to hate yourself, and think your body is revolting.
Well, fuck the dislikers (admit it, you don't have haters, nobody does, it's just that people do dislike them).

Well, bore attacked the piece of fun that I had.
But Maya and I could judge together the lame dancers dancing with the bloody red lipstick.
It was nice.
We sat in the other corner, not where we should've sit, we sat in the center, and the rest on the edge.
But, I didn't needed to see all the bitches I already hate (7  years of hatred!) so it was better, I can't believe I'll see their faces all the time.
It was better before, when I needed to handle random low-life loser bitches.


Well surfing was nice, but the waves sucked, and when I asked the guide, he sucked at pushing me, my front always was in the water, and the body was on the side.
I barely caught waves.
I liked the place before much better, with Ido, and the pierced ear girl, and the young girl, when it was fun.

Well, because I have an ankle bracelet with piece of metal that's very pointy and sharp, I have scratches, that are really annoying, like long lines.
Just like from a razor, but are thinner, with less power on them.


Well, I'm really tired.
And it's Friday.
And everyone know what you doing on Friday,

Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!

So, since nothing special is going on, I will just say funny obvious things.

I ate at luch really delicous roll, with meat, and Maya and Karin were shocked, because "it's so many calories".

I don't give a fuck.

Well, if it will make me so fat, how does it possible that I ate the exact same meal month ago, and I just got skinner.

Bam.

That's called life, and joy together.

Depressed people (not only insist they're fat) are less healthy (sadness actually biolgicly ruins your body) and making you to gain weight, so every time that they gain 100 grams (funny story*) and they think they look like a cow, like I did.

Moo.

Well, long ago I thought I was fat.

Fuck you people!

I'm skinny as fuck and liking my enormous thighs.

* Few days ago my -skinny- friend came, Maya, and said excited to me, that she lost 100 grams, and I was like, "okay" because I already think she's pretty as she is.

It's funny to see her, trying to do sport and still, can't figure what she doing ruin.

Hint: She eats tons of sugars, and fats, instead of healthy things.

And there's no Oh, Keren because I didn't saw her today.

Goodbye body owners (I really think that those dumb hipsters talk this way, it's epic!).

As always.

 Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.

First Thursday

Hello, today was like waiting for chocolate (when you are Jewish and keep kosher, you need to wait few hours since you ate meat to eat dairy), but backwards.
So, today was wonderful, at least started this way.
I laughed and smiled a lot.
Nice, yes, very nice.
I even ate a cake! (cake in the reason of happiness in the world).
So, after fun 4 school hours, of playing most of time Line Play (android version), one of the people that  my parents asked for his help (about cyber bullying, and life destroying on the web), didn't came.
And that sucked.
Very much.
I got so depressed, I felt like I missed something.
When something that supposed to occur, didn't, I feel like people abandon me.

So, for the maximum of pain, I had to dance today.
I hate to dance, in the serious way.
Like when goofing with friends it's fun, but when doing it to perform, I feel like everything else I do in front of people, I hate it.
It's same with any kind of other art.

And for another pain, my friend smacked my lightly.
Well, that's fine.
But it hit the helix.
And I felt (it's about the 8th time in this month, and third day on a row) like my ear is torn apart.


So I have this weird crush on Gal.
Is it creepy?
Well, only my heart (this goddamn piece of bloody meat) can tell.



Today at shifting, not only that I wasn't on the regular with Gal, I was with the Y's, it wasn't a problem, until they sang a very rude song about one friend of mine, and I asked them to stop, but as a cruel tease they continued.
Well, I stood up for bullying, even if it's behind a back.


How is it to cut yourself?
I miss the feeling.
The pain you can feel, a one that sometimes can go over your feelings?
I won't take it back if I had a choice.
But I would burn my lungs, or just the tips of my fingers.
Seems hot (silly word game).

I think about it half the time lately.
The other time I think about the nothing that happens.
Staring on a wall.
My parents talking.
But I need doing.


And more of all, I hate the dumb excuse.
It'll make a humiliation.
YOU DON'T SAY.
Captain obvious, your ship is ready to sail to island Stfu.
Why should I suffer daily this twat?
That's annoying.
They (everyone) treat like nothing happened.
Like I don't feel dead and keep wishing it to happen.
Like there's no broken girl you see break a little more everyday.
Like you cannot see the thick mask, that is so worn off.
Picture me.
I don't know if you really know how I look daily.
You can see few faces.
When you see someone daily, you can picture them perfectly, every tiny detail, from the curls in her hair behind her ears, the ones that always fall perfectly.
To the edge of her nose, the sharpness.
And how her eyes twitch when she laugh.


Bore, is on my face.
Will someone remember me, or someone will pass my grave on his field trip, and watch my name, and show it to all of his friends and they will all giggle together, because I own such a weird name.


So for my regular piece of mind about my stumbling friend, Keren.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
Seriously, darling.
You annoying as fuck.
Please, tell me what do you think you are even doing.
It's irretating.
The best example is probably this.

Guess who's annoying?

Well, she is kind of wannabe mixture of the queens of the class.

Like I'm princess of my group, and the tayls hanging around.

Yali is the queen of the dumb that their future is to pick their new dominator.

And Gal, is the popular.

Simple as that.

So she will fall.

And I'll watch it.

Crumbling old friend that I stopped caring about, because she just stand by.

Oh well.

Keren, oh Keren.

Goodbye.

So, can you believe that it's the last month of school?!

What?!

What?!

I can't believe that seven years has gone so fast!

7 years I'm in this system.

From preschool, to 6th grade.

Wow.

So many to remember.

So many to hate.

So close to end.

On the end of the month, no more school.

Not this school.

To middle school (Junior High).

To sport class.

To a different place.

To different (better and worse) people.

To a new things.

That's a lot.

So many to take.

Too many to take.

Why so early?

And why so late?

Last monthof this warm, cozy family.

That their leaders switched four times.

From shouting, to loving, to killing, to pushing.

I finished my school with two different teachers, and a lot of the other proffesinal teachers, and 4 principals.

Fun.

Nah.

So goodbye nation.

Only one thing.

If somebody will ask me what is my favorite thing about my favorite bands.

I'd go like this.

Black Veil Brides: they're all werewolves in denial.

My Chemical Romance: if you saw their funny moments, you'll die laughing.

Panic! At The Disco: that thery're using in words that I never believed that existed, and making me smarter.

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.

Days

It would be one of the shortest posts, I can't explain, but it's just so and you won't get something for leaving you with barely nothing.

So today was the sign of you cannot change, though, you can learn.
Maya s, aren't my friend anymore, from my own private point of view.
She's a bitch.
Why everyone is so immature.
I'm not saying I'm 100% mature, I still laugh from dumb ones, but, please, 50 is the minimum I ask from my friends.
Not that they'll be in their place, not to stay with me forever (good option), but to be with brains while they're with me.

So, she shouted on Maya ds (Oh, hell no!), because she didn't passed her the ball on soccer.
She did passed to Keren and I, long Keren lines soon.
Since most of people who are competitive on the low way with anger problems, I can mange mine, please, everyone that's my friend can.

Not to mention that yesterday she wrotea (medium rhyming, nice) rude song about Justin Bieber, including faggot, gay, homo, whore, and many more nice and kind word like this.

So Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
It's funny, confused teen on her perfect time.
Just funny.
Looking on her from above, trying to set down.
But no.
Try there, fail.
Try there, fail.
Try here, fail.


She tries wherever that showing signs, of the gang.

I have some group.
And it's leading us to the last two hours of school day.
I was on shifting [well, I don't care I'm with Gal, my crush(?)] and I was at the first one with Gal the girl.
We talked.
About everything.
Like on, where did we went.
She went to the others, she said that she tried, but I was tight with Maya G, and I think it's one of the best things that happen, she stood up for me when I needed her, she is amazing, though, Gal stepped away, and so did I.
And she asked me, is on the field trip, we made some group.

I guess it's exclusive, the unpopulars is a group. 

Mixing, retardeds, geniuses, freaks, fan girls, and just everyone that we like. 

Anti plastics in certain way. 

So, I think I'm one of the leaders there, taylos and drag queens will always be leaders, drags and tayls and will always walk and stand up for their commanders. 

It's fun, to know.

A freaking doll, I swear. 

Know what to do. 

But, I don't know what to do without you (Demi Lovato-Sony, about Chad) and meanwhile I play we'll this game. 

I'm a gamer, I know to kill and review. 

Though, round 5 on BO2 zombies is impossible. 

So, I will kill. 

Maybe I'll kill to tonight, show them all I'm not the ordinary type. 

It's from p!atd song (shortcuts may not work).

I like the fact that day passing, we are going to graduate our first graduation. 

So young, some naive. 

Seriously the year of the damned. 

Fucking retards. 

Look, since preschool kids was in the same groups. 

I swear, longest 7 years in my life. 

But with it, I hate it. 

I won't see him often next year, unless I'll move to regular class instead of sports. 

I might see him on breaks, but, as said might. 

Well, I'll try. 

Because boyfriends are useless, they're just the cute stuff they do. 

Best guy friends are the thing. 

Well, for tomboys at least. 

It fucking awesome. 

First, more options. 

In girls it's girly, disgusting, and not girly. 

Boys are endless. 

I can play with them on the computer, and with the unique tomboy that including guy interests and girly techniques of flirting, I can learn everything for the rest of my life. 

Girls are like taking a dump, seriously, who the fuck cares about one dicknation, I'm glad they're famous, good for them, now, where's my food?

In guys you can eat, watch the tv (and shout on the player that anyway can't hear you), sit on the couch, drink black beer, and wear ridiculous outfit. 

And the master ability, to dress in guy clothing and look, not cute in dumb-pink-skirty-white-top look, and not hot as I-can't-breath-the-dress-I'm-wearing-too-tiny,  but in do-you-have-ice-cream? Look of whatsoever. 

Am I talking trashy?

I feel like the garbage the daily blocks the gateway. 

Seriously, good night. 

Berries, survivors. 

I hope you'll make it. 

Up

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.

I want something.
Because I don't need a new love or a new life, just a better place to die.
Quoting Fun. on the song One Foot.
Sometimes, I can only dream about things.
That won't happen, but I'll woke shocked that it didn't happen, because part of it, just showed me the future.
I know, this is fucking messed up, but we have this special powers in my family, my great-grandma had it, and a story I would never forget.
But not now, never.
I always can see it.
It means that if I'll become a vampire, I would be like Alice.

So, today... was okay?
We had practicing today, again, with all the schools in the city, day after the field trip.
Maya did it again, she didn't changed as she claimed that she did.
She didn't.
Bullies may stay bullies, the damaged ones may become to be my family.
Just so, as nature will make it.

So, you know Gal, the dude I like.
Well we tease each other.
A lot.
I like those games.
It's kind of funny.
I love guys that are friendly and making me laugh, or get interested.
I'm in love with the shitty ones.
Soon he'll be "hurt" because she'll dump him, like last time, over an email.
I think it's cruelty.
Like, email?
You sending it for free?
At least pay those half nis (it's like 10 cents!) and give some respect.
That's being a fearful dickhead.

She is comfortable behind the screen.
Very comfortable.
It's easier to be bitch through it.
I'm telling you it, because you don't need to see the pity faces.
This told by me, the girls who on her screen 24/7.
And when not, thinking, what to write, and then forget.

Insane.

We danced a lot today.
It was nice.
And I met few people.
Not talking about my constant teases from his glances meeting with mines.

My curls are gorgeous right now, I hope they'll stay this way tomorrow.
I'm in love with natural hair.
Straight I adore less.
Of course, it looks most of time lifeless.
Curls that jumping on the beach on summer, that surround your back on spring, riding on bicycle.
On autumn, under shades and finding you way to school on your skateboard.
On winter, tied or free, getting wet under the pouring sweet rain.

But straight.
Well, hairstyles are endless.
But after all, it's not so pretty.
But curly awesome.
You know that last year, I straightened my hair daily.
Was a part from my routine.
Because Yali's poison.
At least the last drops of sanity and venom stayed and gave me the real me, for now.

Today is my sister's birthday.
Almost everyone (but me) forgot it.
Even her friend didn't came to her.
I bought her a gift!
A beautiful (I picked something for me, but later) rainbow zebra pattern case.
And I got for myself, a skeleton king.
Skeleton sitting on red royal chair, and a crown, red with gold.

I forgot to say.
I have the falling feeling again.
I'm in a rise, at the exact same time.
Loving, and trying to find myself.
And with it, getting love back, and slowly setting myself with the people I want to believe in.
But, as I always do, I feel that nothing good will happen.
Just so much, and now good (?).
Something must be wrong.
Or was I in the bottom?
Now I'm getting high, like Shorty from Scary Movie movies, but I'm just, going high like, not bottom, not from drugs.


Call me a bitch.
Call me a hoe.
But you'll never reach.
And never grow.
When you pants are higher.
Than the company require.

Dedicated for most tween girls on 2013.
Thank you all bitches.
I know it may sound stupid, or silly, or just in their language.
But when you look like a slut, don't wonder if they ask how much you cost.
Or that they won't call you.
You are a stupid one night stand.

People like me, with guts.
And acknowledge.
That doesn't mind to wear her button shirt, closed all the way up, and wear shorts with it, or long pants and normal shirt.
And still can flirt, and attract.

It called a skill for some, and gift for me.
I have a mind, I know for most human beings I know, it sounds weird, but for people that like me and you, it's located on the brain.
They have one, just too tiny to learn how to use that.
 Whoever can flirt with clothing that covers the hips and tits, and belly, everyone is allowed to be jealous at.
Even if people who jealous claim that they ugly (Yali said I'm ugly, twat, she should get a mirror, now she's jealous) those "ugly" don't have a problem.
They laugh it.
And I'll repeat it until I'll die.

Because Hoes before Bros.
And Sisters before Misters.
But when they not misters, they are knights, and they are not sisters, they faking it.
And what if it's not a bro, he's a dick trying to sabotage, and she's not a how, she's the beautiful maid.


One dicknation.
I fucking hate it.
Those beatish bitchish songs.
Telling to faggirls that it's so great to say they're ugly and then they'll tell them they're beautiful.
You don't know you're beautiful.
Boom.
Since then, all those bitches write on goddamn privacy-less Instagram or sluttish Facebook, wearing shorts up to their waist, and shirt down to their vagina, and says "I'm a monkey".

I hate it.
Just can't handle it.
Monkey was my thing.
When everyone called me ugly and I laughed about it, called myself a Gorilla.
They were hopeless, trying to find a way to insult above the belt.

They know where to stop.
At least that.
Barely that.


I love to write long.
It happens late.
Always, giving me all my thoughts, all the things that in me.
Falling apart to here in pieces.
Messy scraps.

One day I'll go to travel.
I'll be on outside tiny whiny Israel, far, far away, from the life I left.
And start my life with a friend on America.
Probably in NYC, or LA, or anywhere cheap, with cool places.

Go to celebrate everything as always.
Love and live.
And party and bullshit.
I fucking hate this song.
Rita Ora, represent the other side of whorses of Rihanna fans.


A photo for the title.

Movie: Up

So in this boring, stupid, late goodbye.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.