Windy guitar

I'M A GUITAR.
THE WIND STRUMS ME.

Everytime I hear that song, I just burst laughing.
I can't handle it.
He just sang "I'm a guitar", and when I think about it, I imagine my old Russian (Russia forever! Stalin in blood!) music teacher (I knew her for about 8 years), saying it "I'm a guitar".
I just love it.
They call me psychopathic for making up my mind, and actually using my brain, and philosophy that I learned by myself, a friend, and maybe the internet, but calling a human completly normal with a beautiful voice when he sure that he's a fucking guitar.
Try to figure that out...


THERE WAS A RUSSIAN DUDE.
AND FROM THE KIND THAT WILL NEVER LET THEM CUT HIM IN THE MIDDLE.
I ADMIRE RUSSIANS.
I'm sorry, I just love Russians.


I ate fat today.
I started with some pizza, and then for mid brunch a tiny apple, then before lunch I finished the pizza, and lunch was chocolate and XL sugarfree, I also ate few popsicles, and juice, and for dinner I ate delicous roll, some beef (okay, being a vegiterian is impossible right now), salad, it was delicous.
You know, today I wondered about a thing, like on those fanpages (and trust me, those "XXX liked the post of ZZZ" are full with those bullshit), so if there's a pro ana site, in their Imagines thing, is it about food? Or being skinny? Or being so skinny so you can eat everything?
Oh well...
Not my skinny problem.

You know, my laptop was still no those religous posts.
By now, my favorite post was about that New Yorker man, who lived for a year by the bible, as simple as it is, like the bible done, that's what he done, it's started with morning pray, and evening with some throwing (tiny unharming) rocks on homosexuals, I just loved this idea.
To live for a year, differently.
It's like that movie when they meet the aymishes (I also remember there was the shoe tree), and the teenagers, in some point of their life, live however they want, and then they can choose, what lifestyle they want.

And my favotire comments, I'm not sure, actually.


I just saw a commercial, and it looks like a club, and all you can see is the shadows that the people cast.
They all look like zombies.


Actually, all the comments I love, is espcially with my family name, which is also a mental ill hospital, so it makes me laugh a lot.


There's now a disease spreading, and there is two kinds of immunation (it's the Polio), one is the weak virus, and another is the dead one.
All I think about is the Plague in the book.
This is so creepy.
Luckily, I got mine when I was a baby (immune since birth, maybe I will also be immune to the red pill, who knows?), but my brother got it recently.
I hope I won't get the mutation...


Actually, I think that the main problems of Judaism (feel free to find things that are the same in other religions), is the fact of the over clothing, the no sex, and the fearful touching.
I think that they are all unhealthy.
I don't find wearing long heavy clothing on summer is great, it's awful, why would you suffer, and on Israel?! It's so fucking hot in here, one day in the summer I put a hair mask, and it had eggs (I almost wrote eyes!), so after I washed it, tiny pieces of real scrambled eggs (with some conditioner in it), because my scalp was on fucking fire.
And the fearful touching, what's so wrong with hugging, high fiving, slapping, punching, or kissing? You won't get HIV that fast! It's stupid, in the same way we can lock you in a fucking bubble (Bubble Boy is a wonderful movie), and that's it.
BUT THE WORST.
NO FUCKING SEX BEFORE MERIAGE.
I think it's stupid, you might not fit in sexually, and it's terrible.
I'm sorry, not having sex is terrible, and no options, only in complete dark.


I want to have a surgery.
It's a cosmetic one.
And it's on the breast.
It's inverted nipples treatment.
I always felt extremly insecure about that.
I felt that I'm not huamn like, it only increased my thought about being a fucking mutation.

Look how my body is out of proportions!
My hands are huge, and one wrist is different from the other, my ankles never grew properly so I wear stupid silicone gel thingy in my shoe, and it's only the beginning!

When my parents will have more money, I will do that surgery, you have no idea how much it affected me for all of my life.
I never had enough courage to take out my clothes in the company of girls, I even suffered being naked in front of the mirror.

I pretty much hate them, it's so stupid.
And all those stories that my mother told me, that it can be dangerous to have inverted tits, because it can explode from all the milk after pregnancy.
I know I will feel better with looking normal, stop beaing such a mutation.


I just can't stand it, since I was little I noticed that something wrong with them, I just born with it, and everybody in my family was normal, large nipples, small nipples, pointy nipples, but nobody had something like me, only one, and I never saw her.

So...

Now I just read about something with alcohol and beer. 

My first encounter with beer was when I was three. 

I drank a bit and vomited. 

Ever since I'm okay with any kind of 18+ drink. 

My stomach is used to it. 

And the best proof was last year, that mango vodka (my favorite juice with buzz tingling effect), and it affected great on me, I was hyper. 

I love being hyper. 

It's better than depression anyway. 

So I'm done. 

Tomorrow I will post, hopefully. 

I just don't have enough time in that renovation. 

It supposed to take two weeks from now. 

Let's just hope for the best!

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it. 

Shoer 27

Wonderful...
Another fights around...
And that one who is sick (what have you expected from a 9000+ year old man?), which have something to do with rligion, but I think he's in the government.
Today's poltics aren't that interesting, because I actually don't care if that one smoked a joint, or that everyboody has a different opinion about Syria.
As much as I think it's funny that some syrians still hate us (from the fact that they hate us, I'm not surprised), when almost hundred people from there, who got injured through that "war" (if we can call it a war, I'm not sure), after all, we can't do things without the governenment, which I assume that most of people there can understand quite well.

I still love/admire that boy.
The son of the current ruler (I'm not sure if it's Assad, because I'm getting confused with the names easily), which is about my age, shared his opnion supproting his father, telling how much (not directly) he appriciate and adore his father.
That was beautiful.
I don't care that he doesn't understand that pretty much people are fighting for their rights, and lives, because after all, on that age (9-14) you aren't deserve to do much, legally.
That's why I hate the fact I'm underaged, if I was 15 right now, and all of those two years would happen when I was 14, you have no idea, how would I feel!
I'll have the rights to fucking open her a file in the police records, and that bitch...
Oh...
She'll beg for mercy, but she will know the answer in my eyes, and I'll be able to enjoy the fact she saw a dead corpse eyes, and she knows, that she's the reason.


Today, we (the family) went to see furniture.
We started with some sofa place, I didn't liked them much, it was very factory-like, it's not welcoming to come and see it.
Then, we went to another one, much cozier, you just get the feeling that "this furniture says home", and I read about Bunnies there, I want black one, and if it will grow, it'll me guard dog-bunny, with leesh, and stuff, it happened with the last one, so why not?
After that, we went to a closet place, we all knew what we order, wall closet with two unbreakeble mirrors on the sliding doors, and all we had to do, is to pick the color.
I picked black, because in the old room, I had way to many colors of wood, and it looked ugly and unfitted, so now I have a white door, black closet, and wood-color bed.
All the time my mother tried to convince me to pick brown wood color, but I had my choice, and you can't go back from a choice, and why would you, if you like what you picked, she even told me to shut up, why? because I said that I didn't want to change my choice, (now I'm being sarcastic) great education mother! Make me be forced to your words!
Then the closet salesman, showed us one closet in the color I picked, and my parents said that it looked beautyful, and they meant it.
I liked the way that it looked royal, luxrious, not just childlish closet, like we had, when there's a renovation, I aim for a change.

And then, thanks to Sweden, we went to the one and only...
Ikea!
I love that place, I just love it.
I purchased there 2 jars and one vase.
One jar is the vacuum, and the other is something that is half vacum, half the other thing that I don't know it's name, and the vase was... Um... The bottom was very large, and the top (where there's the openning) was very small, and it had some glass pattern, like circles that just go out.
I want to go there again.
I want some fabrics and stuff.

I read today about a family, that just traveled in the world (mostly third-world countries) under 7000 NIS a month.
I know that I'm going to travel in America.
And I'm going to be in the festival in Rio!
I just love the idea of festivals, carnevals, parades (but the last two of the holiday, because last year it sucked, it wasn't impressive at all, and the year before, a horse pooped in the middle of it), and stuff alike, it reminds me happiness!

And I know what will be the ride, a double bus (the two leveled ones, like in London), it will work like an actual apartment.
But we will live few people.
The upper floor is beds, hammocks, other stuff.
Downstairs is for kitchen, toilet/bathroom, and stuff.
I know that I will work in home (or bus), there are plenty of avilable jobs through internet.
I will write and get paid because it will be for some internet news site, and it will show the travelling world of America.
And I will be able to do random computing things, after all, learning Max and shit.
I can also try be a photographer, I would love to make commercials.
And for one thing sure.
The bus will be decorated.
Maybe not black with fire print (Rex), or pink with unicorn with nice smell (Bessie), but it will be decorated.


I'm bored...
Again...
Soon school starts again...
I don't like that thought...
I have to see liards again...
I have to learn to boring side of history (I don't care about the wars between royalitys, when the everyday lifes was twice as fasicinating!


I have to go, sadly.
I'm going to finish tomorrow my homework (after a suicide in a book, you might feel a bit uncomfortable).
And I'm going to finish one or two paintings tomorrow.


Berries,  Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Ear holes.

I just hate going to those placese.
Everything sounds like on of those videos on YouTube that showing a rare record of a satanic cult ritual (which is quite making sense, one of our govenment minister was murdered by one some cult which wasn't exactly the greratest and purest thing ever), and I couldn't stand it.
I'm sorry, I'm getting bored on stuff I don't really care about.
Like I don't care much about what people say about others anymore.


My mom is mad about me -again.
That's because I said I don't feel like doing my homework now, because I'm not in the mood I can concentrate.
I just don't feel very focused when I just want to die, sorry for having an attempt to feel something.


I wonder, how long...
I know that I'll be able to get money legally since I'm fourteen on the summer break, and sixteen all around the year, since then I'll get money from the army (not much, but money is money, and people saves some each time and go to a trip somewhere, most of time it's India), and then I want to go to be a tattoo artist, because I love that idea, and I want that my trip, will be to live for a while in America, traveling with people, and learning about each place.

I just love the idea of going to live with a new family, that's why I want to go to America, the main rules of that place, is that everyone can be accepted, but he must have a certain skill, maybe it's caligraphy, maybe it's handstanding, maybe it's incredible math skills, or it can be a language!
It actually doesn't mattter, as long it is something intresting.
It seems that the fact I'm going to do that, is the only thing that can cheer me up when I'm down.


I opened today my earring holes, I thought that it was actually going to be closed, and to hurt me.
But I think that it itched only because the tips of the back was filled with dead skin and dirt, I expected it to hurt, but it went in so easily!
Now I have some black star earings, I don't like it much, but it's better than nothing!


I'm still stuck...
I hate that feeling.
It's like I'm hovering, just can't land in the happy zone.



I just want that something will let me do something.
Even taking nice landscapes doesn't make me feel ay better.


If Iran will feel threatened, and send us a nice gift that is made of Uranium (Yay! Atomic bomb!), I want to grow a tail, and unicorn horn.

I'm bored.
I need to get actual Wi-Fi soon, I'm getting crazy, I need to clean up my Instgram account, I follow way too many.

I'm reading about the usual topics, about drugs.
They say that in Amsterdam it's now illegal to use drugs in school.
One of the comments (which is usually the best part of the post) was from a guy from there, saying that in Amsterdam it's not with drug addicts, and there is no issue with the youth in Amsterdam and drugs, but in Israel there is an awful issue with youth and alcohol, a comment for that comment, said that it's the Russians fault (I embrace those people!), and a commment for the comment of the comment (confusing!), said that the commenter of the first comment is a monkey.
I personally think that the problem won't be solved soon.
Because right now there are so many different problems.
Syria from the north, Iran building rockets, Egypt and their riots, the unstopable fights, and the problems in the government, the news about a new drug dealers in the process, the budget cuts, everything here should be collapsing, so why it's not?


I'm getting bored...
Again...


I'm addicted to that Q&A (and some arguments, and friendships formed) site!

You have no idea how much I love virtual people!

I might be one of those people who will marry a virtual people (like the crazy stories you hear on the news).

I'm sorry for not keeping this post any longer, but I'm tired, and I want to go to that site. 

It's giving me the joy of complaining, I just love others that complain!

I can hear people complaining all day long (which somehow makes me better than diamonds, females can complain and I would lister!).

So that's it. 

I'm still getting this "This-book-is-so-fast" mood when I read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, it's one of the books I'd call "normal speed", but after reached, everything turned faster. 

3 Times

There I am, furiously looking for a sharp cutting knife, to give my brother an apple, again, and I'm just sick of being a slave for their needs.
Just trying to move my arm, when all of them -but Adrian, of course- tell me to freeze, to not move, to not do what I secretly want to do, and just have to face it.
Just take it up my ass, just deal with it, knowing that I don't have to.
I can always say fuck it, and leave my mask (for a limited time, because it's hard),  just make that move, and know that, that I'm a fool, that could solve it all, but choosed to not.

You know that feeling of after almost doing something I'll half regret doing?
Great.
I felt it, like I always do when I'm just about to finally lose it (the bit on sane in my head), and have to face something so trigerring.



I'm just sick of those forums, they compare god to a speghetti monster!
I sadly hate speghetti, I like penna pasta much better...
But I had some conversating between myself (like those you have of all you could say in arguement or something), and it was made shortly.

One: It was god that did it, and if it wasn't him, what would it be? Your stupid science?
Another: It wasn't sceince! It was magic!
One: Pfff... Magic doesn't exist!
Another: So does your god!

For me it's exactly the same.
And when I can't explain something, I say magic, I started with the sarcastic answer last year, and it became the main answer for me.


I just wonder, how long will it happen to civil marriges.
It doesn't matter genderes, it doesn't matter age (actually it is, if one of them is considered underaged).
And I think that I know why marrige was a law the included only one male one female.
To avoid monogomy.
And I bet it's not new, but it's something I just discovered, and it happenes on daily basis.


I hate Larry.
George's cousin.
His so competitive!
I hope you know what I'm talking about.


I'm just bored.
So bored.
No passionate for the better considered side?
Like joy from life.
Not love, love is awful, so does hate, and as well anger.



You know, I don't believe that atheist are smarter than people who believe.
Though, in Israel, it can happen.
How is that?
In Israel, we have few kinds of schools.
One is like mine, a school that will force you to learn a bit about religion (but still no more, because in Israel, the difference between country and religion doesn't exist), you are taught to believe in the exsitence of a perfect force, with gigantic ego.
Another is exactly like your Sunday school, but it's Jewish, they barely learn the *must* things, like math, English, and another second language, and of course they won't learn science, just the bible, and how to disrespect other people, how to be fearful and hateful to homosexuals, and how to make a wolfpack of children that you'll barely raise, and take all the money from the government, and than cry because you don't have enough money to feed your 20 children.
And there's the kind of school, and I know only one, it's in the north, it's probably the most kind school, it's combining Jewish, Muslim, and Christian students, of course, they learn until 4, but they learn only 4 days a week, and it's in the north, I assume near natzrat, that's what I remember anyway, and I think that freedom is the second name of the place.
Boarding schools, religous or not, I just know that it can be very intresting.


"Punishment punishment... Got it!" that's what I said on my way to the bed, to just do nothing there for few minutes, to conivince myself that every truthful thing I'd say, will have the same reaction, from a hateful mother.

Guess what.
My real me can suffere all she wants, as long as for the outside, I'm the perfect child.
I just feel awful daily, and she's fine with that as long as I'm perfect for the outside.


Can I just go?
My life was never so bitter.


There's a new TV program, it's called The Specials, and I just love Sam!
The episode with the ladyboys show, it was so funny!
He was excited, and he was sure that they are girls, and he was happy when they came on the stage, and then, a man sang something and took off his makeup, and Sam's face, so disspaointed, upset, he clapped annoyed, and afterwards the guy part, the ladies went on stage again! And he was super happy!
He's so sweet, I just saw episode 6, and he told Megan, that he will rescue her if she'll drown, and I don't know what happened, but she started to seem drowning, so he swimmed heroicly towards her, in attempt to actually rescue her, and then somehow they blamed him to trying to drown her!
He's probably one of the most charming, caring, and beautiful (both ways, because his handsome too), that actually exist on this world.

"Ignore".
I pressed that button, for her, that girl who used to be here for me, but everybody says he cares, until he finds somebody popular to follow, to be a part of his army, which is stupid, to be in a society belonging, that supresses other people to live happily.
Liar like her...
And I'm talking about the candian blind fool.

I'm going to make my homework, it's better to do it now...




I'm back, reading the arcitcles I opened before.
I tried to say to my mother and sister that sitting around, and I said it clearly out loud about the new island that was created because of an erathquaqqe in pakistan (7.8 on richter scale if I remember it correctly), and they pretended to not listen, but my mother, because she always never listens.
And I said afterwards "DO YOU EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY?!" and my mother shout that I just imagine talking to them!
I am not!
And my sister heard me, and bitched to me.


I went to grab a snack, something to just shove into my mouth.
And she yelled at me "I told not to snack! I'm making dinner!" and I yelled back "WHEN?!" because all she done for the last five hours, was sitting in the couch, playing in the Eeepad (I'm not sure how many E's it actually has), and yelling at us lies.

And guess what?
Another punishment!
Instead of walking to my room, I just stayed sitting on the last stair, I didn't wanted to walk, because somehow a voice told me to not go there, because if I will, I will try to jump out.

Everything lately in my life, shows me that trusting, believing, and having faith in others, is the worst thing that I can do.
No hopes, just going straight towards life.



Oh you will never believe this!
I'm laughing from the inside right now, because if I'd do it out loud, I'll be forced to show what I'm doing, and she will see my tabs of my choices, so no fucking way.
But in some religious inner cult (I call it a a cult) they spit on a lady because she wore a short sleeved shirt, and jeans (probably long beause of the weather), and they also threw on her their grabage (!).
So, some other leftside religous guy (leftsides believe and demend piece with the Arabs, and that Palestine will be considered as a country, those fools Israeli fools believing in peace!), said that also the less religous parts do that, and they all belong to Abarbanel.
I would be insulted, but that name is belong to a mentally ill people.
Which is making sense.
Because we are crazy as the people in that hospital.
Another comment said that lately Israel is like Iran, and I loved his commnet, it's truthful, and humorous.



WHAT?!
Tomorrow, thanks to my control freak mother, we are going to the temple/synogauge/another-name-for-a-Jewish-religous-place.
I need to tell at least my dad, right?
No...
Why is it happenning to me?!


"Who is he? A mini-me of Dean?" I asked joking.
And then, they mentioned his name.
"DEAN!"
I knew this guy since I was 6!
What the fuck?
It was so weird.



I'm just tired of it.
I know that my life is lately not the ones I'd like to have.
And the fact she's gone, doesn't make me feel any better.
Avoiding me.
Hating me.
Despising the fact I'm alive.
Accroding to her best friend plan, I should've dissappear, one way or another, my name shouldn't be known to anybody.



Wait what the fuck is that you're saying?
Enough I'm forced to go outside.
But now I even can't choose the color of my shirt?!
I have to wear white...

That's it, I'll have to tell them.
So if I'll stop posting, it might be a punishment, or being forced to do something stupid like that.
I just need two of them, together, listenning.

I have a funny idea.
All I need is a shirt and my closet ready.



One girl at Stips (the Hebrew version of Yahoo! Answers), said that people called her "Fat Bottomed Girl", she was super sad about it.
Luckily, I'm here (super dvash saving the world!), and guess what answer I gave, a lyric part from a osng in the same nickname they gave her.
Fat Bottomed Girls of Queen.
I have this song in my phone, thanks to the discs I got.



Well, appearently, we are going to the south tomorrow!
Fuck!
I hate getting the message in the fucking last minute.
I can make a small drama saying that I don't want to, and if she will try to force me or ask me why, I'll say I'm an atheist.
I don't believe in god.
I don't believe in the idea of religion.
They used to demand that being homo/bisexual, don't believe in god, or have a thought that isn't accepted by their religious leader, is mentally ill, on the meanwhile, those people are having an imaginary heroic entity, that will deide everything with a book.



Oh why are you doing to Blogger?!
That's my reaction for an Israeli writer, that decided to publish her vampirish tale she started writing in the fourth grade.
Why?
Nothing goes wonderful from writing a story in the fourth grade!
Who does that?


I'm becoming a meat vegiterian.
At least for now.
Oh you'll never believe what they do in Kosher slaughter!
I'll describe it, but if you want to see it, just type Kosher Chicken something, or whatever you feel like, you may google translate it.
They take the animal, and cutting her neck, not completly, but just making a sharp deep cut, that the one that affects the nerves too will be shutted so it "won't feel pain", and then, they are holding it upside down, so all the blood will be out because of the beating heart pulse.

Damn it people!
Now I have to tell my parents I'm a vegiterian, and that I'm an atheist!
Why won't I just say I'm gay too and finish the deal of taking off the mask (I just don't think that what I'm doing now is actually a closet).



I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Seriously, I have to tell, it will anyway only let me have more privacy.
And be more free in certain way.


So, I'm trying to draw something, I'd sare it with you, though Israeli might understand better.
I'll post it when I'll finish.



Tick tock, midnight striked, and poor cinderlla turned from a beautiful princess, to her ugly self.


I'm going to stop this post, good night people.



Berries,  Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

To meet a faker like her...

Am I the only one that is addicted to putting unicorn horns, on pretty much... Everything?
On Spore, I maid a unicorn cilivication, I made also a duck nation (with a unicorn horn, I called it uniduck, or ducorn), and a dinosaur nation (inpired by T-rex, and again, with a unicorn horn, T-horn or Uni-rex), I really like the idea of unicorn horns, it looks weird, but it's mostly funny and cute.

I drew a drifloon today, I just have plenty of free time now.
And made some Welcome To The Black Parade stencil, and I figured out that the British guards in the castel, their hat looks like the duster thing.

So, just to show you one of my new interests:

The funny thing is that it was incredibley easy, for the black prade logo, I used tracing, and colored it completly black, and afterwards, created a stencil, drew another stencil for shading to his face, and for coloring it yellow, and the main shadow was the first body stencil.

Fuck you mother.
You will never accept me, will you?
Never ever.
I never was the girl you dreamed of, since that I learned what's the real world is and how mean people can be in it, and that only happened when I was 3, I started to grow up, and grow myself, while you tried to keep me like every other child.
And guess what mother? I never was, and I'll never be that child!
Each day, you keep complaining, about who? About dad, and why is that? You're the one who is married him, and you said you will never divorce, that is very confusing for me, a girl who knows that many married couples divorce after 15, and I know why you are so mad about him, he isn't religous as you are, he's not eating kosher, barely fasting at  Kipur, and you're eating Kosher, fasting, celebrating, and his not always around, most time of the day, he's working, he's the only income, because you, mother, aren't.
And when he's home, it's still new to him those family Friday dinners, and he's traveling, most of time, it's because of his rugby team, or his job (which is making extreme sense), or his car races.
And why, why to do it to us?
Confusing us is depressing as well.


I'm bored, as much as different things that we are forced to do, I'm bored.
Even the blue Zuko dude from Splat! doesn't make me laugh, and the parrot, with his face when I do that thing, even he can't, and so does the way he just flicking his wings without any reason.



I guess I'll just try to find something to draw, I'm out of ideas, no inspiration.
The only thing I can think about is the monster of this goddamn Mortimer (I'll explain), and his epic leveled monster that looks like a black volcano with golden lava in Stitch's shape.

I'm just addicted to Battle Camp, Ferrosmith in the Rockalypse, it's the first event I'm in, and I love it!
That King Gong monster, it always take me few rounds to defeat it, but it's the fun of it, right?
But Mortimer that monster, and his monster!
His so.. Ugh!
Seriously, just imagine the most self centerd, full of himself (that thing I actaully learned on The Immortals), and considering imself to be better than the best of the best.
A fucking Damen on his first immortality centurey.

I just checked out what with that series, and my face when I saw that there is a movie about this book, well, exactly the oppoisite of my William face (it's officialy my I'm-do-fucking-happy face), I was so dissapointed, but still I got to see the cast, I just need to.

You know, I can't find it.

YOUTUBE LIED TO ME.

You have no idea how painful it is, my earrings holes (no jewlery in them right now), and it's starting to get closed again, next week I'm going back home, and I'll open it again, I would do it now, but I can't find alcohol, so I'm stuck now.
It's not my first time reopenning them, I do it once in a while, just to keep them, I bought lately a simple black ones, and I'll wear them all the time, and I want to mak another two holes, one above the other, on my left ear, where's the cartilage is, so I'll do it after a while, I need and want to do, but it's harder than I thought.


Some people say that saying to your parents what you really are (in that case it's mostly including a sexual choice, but I'm talking about religion),  Imagine your Christian child go Satanic (and I find it hillarious, I just don't know why), or your precious Muslim child go Jewish (actually, that's even funnier), or your Jewish goes, ummm... Into a cult or something? But in all fucking three main monotheistis religions, are can pretty much act the same when your child says he's an atheist.
I know that they won't hate me to bone (just a thought, can my mother can hate me and disrespect me even more?), so why am I so afraid?
Am I afraid of myself?
From others?
Tell me, one of my six control-freak selves, why am I so afraid?
What is the worst that will happen?
I'm only twelve, right?
The actually worst that can be is that they'll kick me out, which is hard to believe and the chances are below zero.
And they'll have to accept it.
I have anyway enough forums to talk to people who are (and aren't) like me.
So, why not?
But one thing, I can't do it now, the whole renovation thing is stressful enough to my parents (it's weird that  I care so much about my dad), and that line that I want to say, will definatly won't do any good.
As much as I can argue about plenty of things, for this people invented the internet, right?



People should think a bit more about their lyrics, because that you're dirty and unclean means you should get a bath (cough cough, I just heard New Religion, one of the songs I can't stand on my phone), and seriously, stop with shoving it.

Have you saw me lately shoving something?
No!
Because I can't stand sand and shovels, it always get under my nails.


You know, I really hate the pepole who raise a zoo in their houses, or just people that have a pet spider, pet sname, or a pet lizard, it's stupid, I have plenty of pet spiders, but they are very shy and curious so they travel, but the pet that stays all the time, are my ants!
I don't like those farms, so I let mine be free!
I just made a uniant or antcorn, I just love it!
And I want to get a pet monkey, like the man in the yellow hat (curious George, anyone?), because it's awesome.



Why huamns must be so fake?
And I'm not saying I'm completly true, but still, I can say whatever I want, after all, it's the complaining traddition.
Fuck the groupie girls, and fuck their stupid oh my god (how unbelieveable is that! if you understand) it's fucking (another) new song of XXX(insert a trendy pop star name here)XXX!!! It's so perfect!!!
It's just stupid, I can't stand people like that.
And oh dear, the denying girl, oh god, a four faced monster (spy kids first movies), is more honest and true than her!
I'm sick of "Oh my god, look what MB done, she's such a bitch, I'm not her friend anymore!" when she's with me, and on public "BFFS forevaaa!" mood.

BITCH!
HOW DARE YOU TO REMOVE ME FROM A GROUP ABOUT MY NAME AND MY FACE?!
AND ANOTHER GROUP?!
I WONDER HOW LONG.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THIS WAY?!


How cruel can you be?
In the same old tactic?
It's still not fun, you know, being shot and surviving doesn't makes you bulletproof, you know...
Let's go, with it, just cut all relationship, just be alone, just be free to die, because you know that nobody will care at the end.

Knowing that nothing matters anymore...
I wonder...
What will I do?
Depression routine for life?
The same routine of being numb, so I won't feel, because not feeling is better than crashing...


I don't think that I will be able to take this up again, no way, no way that I'll let that routine to stay for three years!



I'm afraid of the darkness.
Weird.
But after playing slenderman, you can understand.



Being numb means to not feel.
Not feel love.
Not feel hate.
Not feel anger.
Not feel joy.
All of the feelings/emotions I mentioned above, they have one thing that connects them to each other...
Passion.



I know that evolution is true.
From one reason, that can be easily understood, that's what our bilogy teacher told us, when he asked us why we aren't looking exactly like our brothers and our sisters.
We had no answer, we couldn't know.
He said that we're genitacally coppid, but how we turned out to be so different was the real question.
He told us one thing.
That we was fucked up since out beginning.
When the fetus started it's way as a sperm, going towards something bigger, promising, something went fucked, and something changed.
Easy as that.
We got fucked up since birth.
And the only thing you can do now, is to fucking deal with it.
Not because the magical anticorn (my ant unicorn) wanted us to be different, it happened because we are completly fucked up.

I'm not kidding.



Just a tip, NEVER EVER WEAR LONG TROUSERS TO THE BEACH.
I did it today.
And I got so sticky wet from the salty water, I felt awful.
And since I tied my hoodie to my waist, I looked like a tent, a gorgeous black and blue tent.


I'm now traveling through blogs (it's very rare when I find one that I like, and I did found one, one after about a year and almost{!} a half more of searching one), and I just found one that writs "atheists don't bite", all I want to say:
Speak for yourself!
With teeth like mine, why won't I?


Why I can't see people around my age, decide for themselves their religous thoughts?
Can't you decicde for your own something else but how slutty your clothes are, how much your abs will be defines, and who is the new cool trendy thing now?
I just want someone with brain in his skull, one that you can talk to.
And people just can't be this way, aren't they?


I'm about to make a wordpress blog, not like my usual private life in here, more like my thoughts, my explinations, because for once, I need that little piece of mind.
And sadly, the only way that you will be able to read it, it's with Google Translate....
Or that I'll make a translated part...
Or not.


I really start to see how stupid each thing is.




I like music from one thing.
I feel safe with it.
From monsteres in the dark, from real monsters alive, from the divisions, from the fire nation, from xana, from Zapdos....


It's getting late....
I wonder what else I'd find out tonight...

Who knows...



Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Religion?

I'm a child, that is nothing but the young form of human being, another part of the amazingly big chaos.
And guess what, I'm forced to have a bit of religous part in me, not big like the new thing going in Israel.
I don't want that you'll get it wrong, because politicly correct is everything but I'm about to say, the new thing reminds me like a stanic cult, they are forcing you to believe their laws which slowly turning to Islam, their wifes, are pretty much slaves, their children, are just another 18 huamns that will take place in the over-populated world we are in anyway, and guess what? For me, they are fucking evil.

I'm starting to become an atheist (I have no idea what it even means, like seriously, how can you become an atheist, it's simple as fuck to be faithless in unexsisting thing), but I have no choice, by the law, I'm underaged, and I can't do a thing in my life until I'm legally independent, and it will take 6 more years, and after it, 3 more years serving the army, and then trying to get in college/university in Britian or America, or maybe just a place that all the lessons are on English.
I want to live this goddamn place, because taking religion out of this place is impossible, and in many many many different countries, the religion is obivously seperated from the place itself!
I'm turning angry with each time going to a religious place, if it's a synogauge or a church or mosque, not even a mountain that somebody made holy, and not a lake that a god pissed in, not a fucking way I'll be happy with it!
You can only imagine my face when we going to a vacation and my parents want to go to see a church or something!
I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT RELIGION, AND ALL THE BELIEVES, HAVE FUN IN YOUR ILLUSIONS/DECIEVING JOYS!




You know, when boys are 5, they say to each other "You love girls!" as an insult, and for the "harmed" child denies it, scared from the fact it's true, but when boys are 15 will do the exact opposite, when one says to the other "You love boys!" in intention to hurt, the other "harmed" teen will deny it, scared from the fact it's true.
Funny.
How people change their minds because of what accepted and what people expected them to be.
 And even funnier, when I asked my brother if he's loving boys, he said proudly "yes".
And there's a religous child in our place, he said yes too, I wonder if his family is from the sympathizers too, hopefuly they are, because, you can never know, right?


Why should I go outside, sweat my ass off (which is never a good thing), and to suffer watcing other people, when I can do something in home, why the fuck should I do that?
I love the outdoors, but a specific kind of the outdoors, no bugs, no bugs but flies, and ants, wild beasts are fine, but no bugs around.


Wow, in Israel, the term of freedom seems to be written in the law, but never is actually used.
If I wan't to be lazy, I'll be lazy, if I feel that way, I'll feel that way, and if I'll decide I want to wear skirts for the rest of my life, I will!
But no way that I'll be forced to do things I don't believe in!
It was enough when I was infected by the annoying stress of my parents, suspicions, and pretty much everything, and now I'm fucked up (and people wonder why I don't have a close relationship with my mother like many people have), and they try to force me to be someone I'm not, it's like what parents did to their mentall ill children (being homosexual, atheist, and different bizzare not related things was considered as a mental illness), sent their children to a priest, and the ones who wasn't cured, was punished, most of time death, sometimes dying in fire, sometimes being hanged, it depends, it's up to the hanger/lighter.


I just want to escape, I believe in nothing in here, the mind ways, and they pretty much programming me to be like them, and paying 3000 nis to a therpaist so I won't be in suffering when they force me to do what I hate.

That's why I want to run away with the circus, because there are no stupid forcing, nothing stupid, just live, travel, learn, create, just live as we believe we should.
That's what I call freedom.

Not suffering going to see an "educating" plays, like people praying, or having faith in an unproven entity, or about wars and people who survived, and having faith in yourself, because it's ridiculously stupid.


I'm really digging the religious related things, my favorite is the arguments between atheists to religous people, the comment of the one who says that atheists are a shame to seciene, because we are only teenagers that say they are without religion to be rebelious.
Ha!
We are barely children, so how can be teenagers?
And the term of "brainwash", I haven't heard it since...
KID PADDLE!
Oh god, I loved this show, each day when I woke up early, it was or Spiderman, and then it was Oggy and the Cockaroaches (best cat and roaches show ever), and then it was Kid Paddle.
I remember, the episode with the slimey green goo that Horace made, and all of the creative imagination of his science teacher brainwashing him.
And all the charcters I remember how they look like, but not the names.
Like that other gamer girl, with the purple hair and the black outfit, Kid brought her some violent flower.
And what's his name, the uncle of the gamer girl, with his dog.
And Carrol, Kid's sister, and his father, and Carrol's best friend.
And Kid's grandpa, with his trumpet.



Oh, I'm just so sick of religion, so yes, some things I won't do, but I just have some respect and want to be in shape.
Like Yom Kipur, I will fast, and since I have no choice now, I won't eat bread on Passover, and I assume I won't have any other choice but hearing each boring long blessing or something.
And I won't eat bacon, two reasons, a. I'm just used to it, b. I like cows much more seriosulsy, pastrama is my kind of bacon, I eat it as it was water.
I don't know about milk and meat, for now, I can't eat in the same dish, thanks to the fact we have one dish for dairy and one for meat, so, it's or the plastic plates, or nothing.
And nothing seems nice, and it's not that I like cheese anyway, I like chocolate, and I like meat, and I have no idea what will happen, I just know that my father's company will be kinder (he's eating bacon, barely fasting on Yom Kipur, and stuff).


How can you even comapre?!
A girl asked who do you like better Justin Bieber, John Lennon, One Direction, or Freddie Mercurie?
What the fuck is wrong with you child?!
You can't compare them.
You can compare things under the same exact category, like The Wanted and One Direction, beacuse pop boy bands that came quite famous (and I think that they are both British, but I barely remember a detail), you can compare, you can compare many many many things, but old and new, you just need someting borrowed and something blue, and that war will be worse than a divorcement.


You have no idea how silly I am when the night is coming, I just walked in sneaky style of cartoons, and then I walked to the other side, and for the ending I kind of moving my head in circular motion quickly (circular head bang?) and just give him some stare, and his giving the same stare, each time I do it!



Oh... Why?!
Do you remember my reaction to strong pain (all of my earings had the same affection of getting my toe almost cut off), and plenty of blood (same toe occasion).
So, a part from my religion over exposure to really understand what I want to be, I watched an awful Jewish rituals (each ritual in Judaism reminds me suffering), is on Yom Kipur, it's not very common, but it's pretty much praying over a book under an upside down chicken being swinged in circals over the head of the "prayer", and then there's the Kosher murdering of the dizzy chicken, and it's to straighten her head, and cut her throat some thin stripe/hole and just to shake here until her blood is dripping out, and they or just letting the blood spread on the concrete sidewalk, or to pour it into buckets (which are in the size of few decent tubs), and here is for you, to turn a vegiterian.

This is the link:
Hello I am your beautiful link for a horrifying ritual!


You know, I really hate that racism in religion, like I'm used to hear stuff about different countries, but come fucking on!
If they don't believe in your god, it doesn't mean they are bad.
You know what's bad?
To prevent joy from yourself, even if your joy is to lick hamstars (I'm in the part of the todllers that want to lick, eat, or shove to their mouthes), lately I want to lick electronical screens.

So, I'm going to get upset and support some religous and anti religous minded people.
To try to finish my attemt of a revoulted zombie boy (one day it will look professional).
And to do the ideal thing of many ladies and keep things for tomorrow, just instead of saying "since tomorrow diet!" I just promise to myself to read the book for the homework.


My precious!


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

iOS 7

So much color...
So confusing...
So irratating...
But still, so new...
And yes, I am talking about the new operation system of apple, the iOS 7, it's still confusing, and it's very bright, so I have a lot to explain.

Just for you to know, the difference between colorful background and a cleaner with a close color scheme, is making the change, I had a photo of my brother after I pushed him to the pool, and I changed it to galaxy background, and it's much easier to look on the apps with your eyes.
Instead of being confused with the color, I just can see it easily.
Though, it will be much better if I could change the apps color, like the main, and when I say it, I mean to do it like you can do it on windows 8, if I could keep my apps on whiter tones, like light grey, metallic bright colors, to keep the simple color block, but just cleaner.

I had a bad day, I just found out that I comfort myself with planning my future, weird, my future is to live on the road, with random skilled people (no matter what they can do, if it's a language, designing, or math), and just live, visit places, and perform for our live, like a circus.
Run away with the circus.

I just hear my brother and sister telling me to die, and that they hate me, just don't make me to want to live.

I should get better with hiding what I like to do.
I'm sick when people are looking on what I'm drawing, or listening to, or doing online (which is mostly learning, reading, and writing this blog), and I'm sick of it, I just want a minimal privacy.
You know how exhausting is it to not being able to close the door to your tiny room?!
It's unbelieveable!
Seriously, they can just poke me with a stick or something, I won't feel any more desecrated than I feel now!

I hate the comparing of my grandmother of my father's side, she's always comparing us (the current kids, me and my siblings), to her children, that her wasn't noisy, and violent like us, but we grew up thanks to her son that who is louder gets the most attention, and only slapping and kicking works, so guess what?
If I'm that awful for you, I should just dissappear!
Why won't I?


You know, that guy from mythbusters, one of them ran away from his home when he was fourteen.
Look at him now.
Just look.
He's faboulous.
He survived on an island with duct tape.




I just wonder, will our enemies will finally find a way to just kill us simply?
If they want it that much, it's easy.
And I got that idea from Set The World On Fire's lyrics,
we stand tell united,
watch them fall divided,
And it's easy, be in peace with your neighbors, and attack from all around, in no time we might get defeated, and a bonus if you'll hide agents and a spy, because we already very divided, and guess what, divide even those smaller lines.
Arguing divisions, those are the worst, imagine the movie push if the divisions will do anything to get the syringe?
The third world war because of some empowering liquid.
Not forgetting World War Z with zombies, where the fact that the happiest religion was there with people who get's what the vibe says and people who wear wooden pieces to say how holy they are, are together, singing, cheering, crying, laughing, (the cheery one is muslims, just for you to know, we are just affected), and we died.



I'm reading now about an atheist mind about religion, and he says that by the bible, if you cuss your parents (even the slightest one, like stupid), you will die, and not just simple death, you will be suffocated, he keeps writing and says that the creator of the bible really loved the idea of death, I personally just like the plenty ways of it.


Thanks to the new window I'll have, I will be able to to grow plants!
I almost forgot to tell you about it, but I just read about drugs, and I had a vision today of me sitting on my desk, smoking, and reading a book about things that will just talk you straight to the point, without any fictional charcters.
And hopefuly not wearing eyeglasses, I'd like to keep my eyes in a good shape, even if it will mean to cut some hours with my computer.


Wow....
That memory...
Sunburn, of Ed Sheeran.
I remember hearing it on the bus that took us from the hotel to the airport in Italy, and while watching the passing view, trees with led lights, snowy land, warm yellow streetlights, and just missing her, it was a week, but it was a week to much.
I guess I'll just keep missing her, until it will fade away...


Back to the vision, topic: drugs.
There's a drug, which is legal in Israel, Ethoipia, and other places probably, and in America and Thailand is illgeal. 

Kath or gat. 

I want to grow one. 

And since it's becoming more common, a plant will be harder to get of course, but I can try. 

How weird is that a twelve year old dream life is in cultural circus, legal drug dealing, and reading. 

Seriously?

What child is reading?!

Just kidding, I just find that many kids eat junk food and watch stupid television. 

I watch dumb shallow television too, but I can't stand mcdonalds. 

So, tomorrow I'll start the book. 

I'm canceling the poison book idea, since I have no friends, and I'm not in that level of being pathetic, so, I'm pretty much done. 

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it. 

Signs

Wow...

I remember saying that I will finally kill myself if I'll have a sign, just a minute after I said it, a sign came. 

And now?

All the time. 

Just now I got another one. 

How many signs I'll have until I'll do it?!

My sister, used to be the only thing to keep me alive. 

Now she hates me. 

She just tried to break my hand (!), and said she hates me. 

And it's one thing if she told she hated me, each kid does that, but she tried to break my hand. 

Wow.

What sign do I need any longer?

What stopping me from jumping?

What stopping me from poisoning?

What?!

I don't remember being this way, maybe it happened long while ago, maybe few days and I just preferred to forget it.

You know, I don't believe that songs can actually save somebody. 

I'm sorry. 

It's impossible to me. 

But you can be inspired, it's all up to you.

You can't change somebody if he doesn't want to. 

And it seems that I'm the only one who gets it. 

I feel locked.

Chained in a cage. 

Helpless. 

I have no idea how long can I take it. 

Nobody cares any longer. 

My family don't care. 

My classmates don't care. 

I don't care...

I guess that for now, I'm just a place filler.

Just here to make the place look full, with people, just to increase the population. 

But if I wasn't to fill places, I guess I would die. 

Why can't I be fill with happiness?

Why lies are so damn sweet?

Why I can't deceive myself that I'm good?

Why the truth is so painful? 

Tell me, why can't I just smile, and mean it?

Why can't I just say "hi" to people and they will "hi" back?

It's my fault in everything that happens. 

From the beginning to the end.
I should be quiet, just try harder to stay away from attention.

I searched for reasons to stay alive, it's always good to remember what you are waiting for, it;s better to be on hold than keep going sometimes.
And I see that half of them are just.... Not


Snowdays

Not going to happen, only if I'll be in a different coutry, like Italy.

Finding a talent you never knew you had
Maybe, but I'm not vey talented.

Getting to hear every new album your favorite band releases
Nope, just nope.

Seeing Finding Dory and Monsters University when they come out
I wanted to go, I might watch it one day, but not Dory, I didn't liked Nemo, I got scared.

Watermelon in the summer
There's only about a week that the watermelon is actually good (I'm very specific when I eat a watermelon).

Kittens and puppies
That's actually adorable, I fed kittens yesterday, and one just purred and growled, like a tiger, and it was so aborable.

Seeing your best friend get married
Very funny... No.

"Children there’s a mistake in the test and it will now be considered bonus"
I don't really care if it's a bonus or not, I just don't want to fail, and I almost fail every single time on geography.

Traveling to new places and discovering new things
That's what  I'm waiting for.

Knowing that technology is getting amazing and SOON there WILL be affordable 3d printers that can print 

It reminds me somebody, and it makes me feel lonely...

out pizza and other foods (seriously!)
I hate outside pizza, it tastes like melted plastic on carton, and there's always too much cheese and fats, and I can't stand McDonalds, I just like sushi that I can make anyway, and meat.

The sound of rain when you’re falling asleep at night.
With screaming and sirens of shop being lifted, it's not that much charming as it could be, it's more annoying.

One day you will feel better than you do now
I guess, this one is true.

Ice cream is delicious
Depends, I had a dream last night eating the whiskey ice cream with the whiskey sauce (have I mentioned that I also had a living racoon as a hat? and I wore a diaper?)

The feeling you get when you don’t have to set an alarm for the next day
Nah.

Being able to, one day, hang GIFs on your wall (just imagine how great that will be!)
No place in my wall anyway, I hate my room.

those “this never leaves this room” moments
I hate to keep things.

Seeing an old friend after such a long time
Not really, I saw mine, and guess who she was talking to, her bff, my worst bff, MB.

When teachers use your work as a good example and you’re just like “fuck yeah”

I just hate it, than they make me to read it in front of everybody, and I'm getting nervous.

Capri Suns!
I heard it's a drink, and the most forigen drinks I had was mochito, mango bubble tea, and arizona (the ice tea), and guess what? I drank them all in New York.

Seeing your favorite band/artist live
Yeah... No.

If they'll come, it means that probably so many people will stand cheering in the front, and I won't even be able to breath.

Getting to see new videos from your favorite YouTubers
That's actually great, I really like that artist his accent and his teeth reminds me some spanish vampire, and he draws amazing.

Seeing new movies Leonardo DiCaprio is in and won’t win awards for being in
I don't like him that much.

Because people DO care about you, including me.
Yeah, if they care, they make a really good job hiding it.

One of Dr. Seuss’ best quotes: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Appreciate and love that.
(Sh)Okay?

Going to the pool on a hot summer day
I hate pools, I've seen so many bugs there, I have nightmares, I like the beach, surfing and looking at funny orange people.

Amusement parks
No, too much vomit, and bugs, and not enough amusing rollercoasters.

the butterfly project
VERY BAD ASSOSIATIONS.

Laughing until your stomach hurts
It happened after my sister hit me exactly between my ribs, it was a fucking Ty Lee move, and I barely could laugh afterwards, I was in pain.

Finding music that you can really relate to
And than I think about my life, hate myself about stuff I've done, and it's not that great.

Winning a stuffed animal from the claw machine (i’m addicted to them)
I just feel that scumbags invented them to yellow childish sponges.

Your best friend
I hug the floor sometimes, seriously, not even falling, just lying down annd hugging it.

When a baby holds on to one of your fingers with their entire hand
Not happens.

Being able to spend Christmas at Disneyland
I've been on halloween, it was good enough, too bad that I remember something awful from there, and around that time.

Learning the lyrics to an eminem song and being to rap it like a boss
I don't like eminem.

Birthday cake
I don't like cakes, I like brownie, I like crunchy things with rich chocolate.

The cold side of the pillow
That's amzing considering the fact that I natrually make heat.

Getting to correct the teacher
No.

Telling a really funny joke and just sitting there while everyone laughs, knowing you are the reason why
I have a feeling that when I'm silent, I'm still the reason why.

Getting back from vacation and being able to use your own bathroom
Funny.

Getting back from vacation and being able to sleep in your own bed
Yes! And no creepy nightmares about a dead girl!

Random unexpected texts
"I love you! Can't wait to see you" isn't sweet and make you want to live when you get it from a stranger.

When you meow at a cat and it meows back

When you meow on a kitten it's cute, when you meow at a fucking lion and it eats you...

The warm feeling of putting on jeans straight out of the dryer
Not fun.

When you finish eating a sandwich and remember you still have another half to eat (hell yes!)
No.

Chocolate cake
Ew.

Having eye sex with your crush
That's just creepy. No.

Knowing all the lyrics to a song
Way too much, I sleep while my mind singing stuff I don't even like to hear.

Learning how to play an instrument
I can imagine me trying to play on a violin, it will sound like a dead horse.

When you start smiling and can’t contol it
It's actually awful, because I frown after a second.

Laughing when you thought you were uncapable of doing so

No.

I bolded the intresting stuff.

How the fuck is haiku is trending on Tumblr?

I just remember Sokka in the girl haiku night...

I just don't like poetry.

It reminds me hipsters, and Cassia and Ky and her gallery.

I just think of very bitter and boring people reading something, so slowly, that a snail yelled on them to read it fucking faster.

All I know about poetry nights (or evenings) is probably from the television.

I remember the reality show, and the very first episode, that probably introduced me the idea of Hipster, and she was so annoying and boring, and she made him, to go with her, to a poetry night.

Only because of her, all Israel knows what hipster means, it was so new to us.

To be different.

And guess what I hate about hipsters in Israel, every second word they say is on English, and it's irratating, would you stand it?!

Like, come on!

Imagine it.

And if you can't, imagine somebody that every word he can transer to pirate word, he would, I'd try to murder him, shoot him out of a cannon, or make him to walk on that wooden plank.

I just want to do this for many many many people.

Hold their sholders, shake them a bit, and tell them this: "I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU ARE EATING! STOP TALKING IN ENGLISH! IT'S FUCKING ISRAEL!TALK ARABIC OR HEBREW!"

I really hate when people write on English on their wall.

It's stupid.

And they became like every other child in America.

Talking so stupidly.

So yes, I write fuck and shit, and stupid and moron, but at least I make sure that I keep learning, I want to learn more about Old English, it sounds beautiful.

You know, I think that people not wearing enough top hats, as much as Bruno Mars rocking that  fedora hat look (and so does my brother, he calls it James Bond style, and it's actually my old hat), people should wear it more often.

And the most annoying, the only way you would wear a hat indoors it's that it's a beanie to keep you warm (unless it's summer and you have hair conditioning), and if you have short hair and it's a bad hair day.

It annoys me when people wear those baseball caps indoors.

People would rather to stay stupid, than be considered incredibly smart by society.

Why?

I think that adding some wise (not smart, but a one who have stories, can talk to you, and you will be intrested) people to my class, will do wonders.

I just said that I have a need to pet Japanese people.

Weird, right?

My sister wants to go to Japan for her Bat-Mitzvah trip, if she will decide to not make a party, and will invite me, I'll be a fifteen year old girl, petting people.

I just want to go, and see all those teenagers with their bizzare outfits, it's one of the most beautiful things to me, and I want to buy their a shinx onesie (I love this pokemon), and if not, of Pikachu (it's more common), it's Japan, I want to do things if I'll get there, like a Sushi making course, because I want to, and more Japanese foods that are less common, and learn some Japanese!

I like to know few words in different languages, I know some hawiaan words, and my name in some.

In French and Italian and Chinese (Mandrin), and Hebrew and  English, I know in different 5 languages how to say my name, and soon it will be 6, because I'm learning Arabic.

In French and Italian, it's similiar, it's Miel (me and yell combined).

And Mandrin is Mi (it's all about me, after all).

Hebrew it's Dvash (just say dva and combine it with Ash from Pokemon).

English it's Honey.

And I just taught you how to ask for the product that bees create in 5 different languages.

I always forget that I'll go to Poland.

On my freshment year of Highschool, I'm going to Poland, and learn about the holocaust.

Why Israel is so fucking depressing, each day is a war.

And reading the bible idn't fun either!

A man almmost sacrificed his son, they murdered many children, they completly destroyed  a nation.

*pause, I watched happily the insults of Simon for the failing singers on X Factor*

Again?

Another sign?

My sister, moved my hand, with my precios phone in it, it's broke two times in the past two months, and she's moving it?!

And she tried to tickle me, on my wrist.

Nobody ever touched my wrist, nobody tried to tickle me in a ver long while.

I almost opened the window with intention to jump, but we all know I'll never kill myself (in this case, never say never isn't an option).

I'm not an actual human.

I'm kind of a soul, not cursed, just hovering.

And guess what, I'm also an insult.

Insult for each one who actually dealing with something that I dream to be.

I should die.

Nobody never wanted to be around me anyway.

I'm a monster.

No wonder why people tend to escape and be afraid of me when I'm around.

What will happen?

Do you remember what I said about the father (if I said) that killed his children?

On Rosh Hashana, his five year old son (that's now dead), wrote him on a card "Happy new year dad, don't die" am I the only one who gets super sad when a son tells his father to not kill himself.

And how souless, heartless, how much numb can you be to murder one who could have saving someone?

What if the one who could comfort me, is dead?

Think about it....

I don't know what I want to do?

Keep writing?

It's silly.

Just talking to a cold hard screen.

How strange that lately shiny cold hard screens became my best friends...

I hope I'd decieve myself again, the best part of lying to yourself, not an illusion, a lie that will make you dream.

I tried to draw zombieboy (it's still my "baby" like old tough men with their expensive buff motorcycles call their motorcycles).

And this is how it looks like:

 

Well, I guess I'm done here.

I really like Windows 8.

And tomorrow I'm supposed to update my phone to iOS 7, that reminds me alot andorid, and I don't like andorid.

Oh well...

Berries, Survivers,

I hope you'll make it.

The Speical 6.

As I said on Extras, I finished reached last night at 1:30 am, it took me about four and a half hours or so, and I was amazed, and bored.



I feel that everything those days, are meant to scare me or to depress me.
A father that was "mentally healthy" by what the psychatrist said, murdered his children, and than killed himself.
I just wonder, why?
Kill her, the mother, but what have the children done?
You know, Gandi said "be the change you want to see", and Stalin (I love him) said "men are the reason for all the problems in the world, no men no problem", and when you combine them both, it pretty much says that if you kill yourself, you'll start with solving all of the problems.
I just heard once that somebody said what ghandi said, and then I thought about Stalin (and  Marliyn Monroe, but forget it), and just I came up with this bizzare idea.

I just never understood.
Why the children?
It's not that they done anything wrong, they are not old enough to hurt others.
Innocence young humans.


I just feel that I'm ignored.
And lately I understood, that so far, in my life, I was asking screaming for attention.
But I guess that some people are just meant to be this way, and there's no way that the world will be fair (I understood that because of Reached), and some people will suffer, some won't.
And guess what?
I won't get what I want, and I'll have to live with that.


Soon, we will kind of celebrate (or not, I assume it's too sad for celebrating), the fact that  I was stupid enough to tear my skin apart, and just pass metallic razors through it.
Wow, I can't find the first post when I showed you those ugly scratches.
I'm not a fighter.
Nor a hero.
And for sure, nothing that people can admire.
I'm a sheep, that is white, but wanted to be the black sheep, to be different.
I'm just like everybody else.
Just like everybody else, but I'm a bit worse.


Today, at some point, the voice that wants me dead (I need to find him a name), told me that I don't need any of this anymore, that I should go upstairs and jump.
As you can see, I'm alive.
At the end of the post I'll tell his name, it will be easy to remember.



Adrian.
Adrian wants me dead.
He says that it doesn't matter anymore, nobody ever cared about me anyway, so I can die, and go to my beautiful heavenly world with him.

Claudio.
Claudio wants me skinny.
 I almost never hearing to him, he's very quite anyway, but he always make me feel guilty, he reminds me how skinny I was, convincing me to let him help, but I won't let him.

Arlyne.
Arlyne wants me young, playful, cheery.
Everytime she makes me go hyper, she takes over, smiling, letting me be free and happy, taking away all the pain, and making me happy for a while, Ayrlin is good to me.

Rubin.
Rubin wants me to battle.
He is telling me I'm invincible, nothing can hurt me, like a guradian, he's obssesed with fighting, always to win, to be right, believing in justice.

Blaine.
Blaine wants me mature.
He says that logical thinking is the best, nothing can go wrong with being right, he stops me from doing risky things, even the slightest ones.

Ashley.
Ahley wants me free.
She's kind of a rebel when it comes to it, won't do what people expect her to do, can't be controlled, she wants to escape and express herself.


I'm having my own personality, but I can't describe it.
I have 6 people in me.
I can tell you now, each one is talking in here.
If you read closely enough, you can see the difference.
You can tell who is talking.


I just need that the days will past faster, to go in minutes, that I won't remember, because there's nothing to remember.
I can't stand it, sitting in school, and finishing too quickly, but not saying a thing, I used to finish it so quickly and check it multiple times even faster, that my teachers told me to not give the test when I finish, so the other kids won't panic.
I found it unfair, if you can do it, show them, tell them that they can do more, you won't let others stay back and not give them the option to use their potential, while they can, only because the others can't.


I guess that being smart is wrong, and forbidden in our society.
It's not very polite to deny presents on a birthday, so why would they do it to our brainy gifts?!
Who would do that?!



Maybe I'm insane to them, but it's the only thing that make sense, as said "god gives nuts to the ones without teeth", so why would we let it stay that way?!
Give the nuts to the teeth, they'll feed you later!


How strange is that, to use anti-depression medications.
It's so stupid, it won't make you happy, it will make you numb.
At least you get a feeling from sadness.
It's stupid, it's not happy pills!
It will never ever take you to wonderland!


I guess I'm done with it.
So done.
But I'm staying alive.
After all, I have a world to explore.


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

pre 7

I'll never find them.
I guess it just was a bit of luck, and I had my chance, and I missde it.
The bloody screaming people in the white room will forever remain as a mystery.


Religion sucks.
I just can't stand things that tell you how to be, how to live.


I just watched one of my favorite movies...
Jennifer's Body.
The part that scared me the most was probably the part with the car, after that Jennifer killed/ate Collin, Needy goes to her home, and Jennifer jumps on her car.
The part that disgusted (I felt ill afterwards), was when Jennifer showed Needy that she's death-proof, and cut her arm with this thing.
I have problems with blood in the arm.
A lot of them.
I just can't stand blood, since I was six, and I had a blood test, I was frightened, and the same happened with every fucking time we had shots, and they injected me stuff so I won't have some disease, I barely could do it.
And the worst bloody thing I ever had, was thanks to Ikea glass, and some Coke.
I drank some and the cup slipped, I still have an ugly scar on my toe, it almost cut my bone, and I barely remember, I think I passed out in some point, the part that was hard to look was when I took out the gauze pad, and it was pink and red and white.
It was terrible.

I just hate it.
And I'm pretty immune to many disease, I have a personal one, it's pharyngitis.
I just used to get it every fucking year, but lately it dissapperad, so, I guess it's time for a new one to show up.


I want to donate my hair.
It's just not long enough, they need 30 cm.
And I don't know if it's good to use.
But I want to donate it.
I want it.
At least that I know I've done a good thing, that I wont die for nothing.
Because I know that my hair isn't perfect, and it's far from being easy to use, but it's real, and it's black, and it's curly, and it's emotionaly unstable because when he's happy his just expand and when his sad he loosen up and it's fucking ipossible to understand, but his real.
I think that if I'd wait long enough, my hair will grow, and it will be a hard desicion if to keep it or not, because I love it, but still I want to do a good thing.
It's too confusing.
Should I keep it long, or should I give it away?
I want to give it, but I want to keep it, but we all know you can't eat the cake and leave it whole (I know that it's not the way you say it, but that's because 20% of what I write I have no idea what it means).


I have my iPhone like the parrots on the pirates on that Tom & Jerry movie with ummm... The pirates...
Just that it don't have other "parrot" friends.
And I'm not a pirate.
I always put it on my shoulder so the music can be on very low, but I can hear it clearly.

I just cleaned so much from my iPhone, I took 50% from my iPod out of my iPhone, it feels almost naked, but I need more memory for the new version.

I wish I could have iOS 7 already!
It's out now, and I can't update it from the iTunes from some reason, and because I don't have Wi-Fi, I can't update it from my phone.
I don't really like the new way it will look like, it reminds me Android, and Android confuse me.

I can't understand why people are against Assad's son, the boy is admiring his father, he grew in a different place, he believes in that what his parents doing is right.
And you won't tell the boy if his right or not, after all, it's his mind, and as I know, the fact that you'll say no, will make him want even more to scream yes.
He got a different point of view.
And so do I, and so does every other human in the world.


I still need to finish a book so I'll start another for my homework.
I just get lazy when it comes to Reached.
And super lazy when it comes to homework...

I guess I'll try to finish it tonight, and if I won't, I'll do it tomorrow.

So, I need to practice with Artrage, I just suck when it comes to digital painting, I just having hard time with the shapes and their shadings, it always seems unnatrual, and ugly.
I'll keep practicing.
I thought that it would be easier with a touch screen, but it's only half easy.

So, that's it, I might post on Extras if I'll finish the book or something.

Have fun looking for the beautiful masterpiece named Beast, it's a digital painting (speed painting), and it's gorgeous, I also like the one named Do I Have a Soul? I want to make some.

And as soon as possible, I'll post my face after using for the first time, iOS 7, which only might be like my "OH MY FUCKING GOD HERE'S WILLIAM!" face.
I have better faces, like when my dad gave me the video extreme camera, and I just did funny faces every once in a while, and it went quite funny.

So, have fun, with breathing, and I hope you'll have a warm winter, no winds, no sharknedos (if you know what I mean), just rain, and snow (it never snowed in my area), and many hot cocoa, and winter clothes.
I'll have a mini winter, because what happens in Israel, is like Russia's summer (these days, when it's a bit rainy and cold, but it's warm enough to eat ice-cream).

My legs are weird.

Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

The 18th of September

I don't cry.
I just, can't.
I avoid doing it when I'm think I'm about to.
Even sad stuff is hard for me.
It's hard to cry.
Let's face it, not everybody can cry easily.


Oh god, my brother, is a bit obsessed with One Direction.
I want to cry.
Everytime that it's on the radio, he keeps playing it.
It's awful.
And the fact that every evening, around 9 pm, every channel plays 2013 pop, Kesha, Taylor Swift, One Direction.
My sister and I beg to put something we will all enjoy, like Elvis, or The Beatles.
But no....
We must suffer.


I hate the new pop, it's becoming less voices, more edited tunes, minimal clothes, billions of sensual moves, nothing, just naked bore.
And if you'll cut the boredrom, it will be beautiful.


So...

I'm bored, I started drawing, but I'm really stuck with the faces, now, the most annoying problem is the nose, the shape and the shading is impossible!
By now I did a monster, a face, and stuff I can't remember.


I really hate now my family right now, seriously.
They haven't brought the iPhone charger cable, I did.
So, they all using mine!
It's so irresponsible, and I'm suffering!
I found a way to get internet, and they try to steal it!
I brought my own one and only charger, and they destroy it and using it!
Why am I suffering from being smart and responsible?!
It's so unfair!
I even can't have my own property to be mine.
That's why I want to move out.
That's why I can't wait to get out of here!
I hate this place!
Too bad Ii'm not believing at suicide...
If I would...
You'd know that what will happen.

I hate my life, nothing so far went through the way I planned.
Not even close.
And trust me that I know that this is how life works.
But come on?
A bit of good karma will help!

You know what?
Each time that something bad happened, I thought that it meant that it's the worst, and I can only get better.
I was so wrong...
And the guts feeling of "something really bad is about to happen" I had before school, was true.
I really want to just for a very klong while, I'll be truely happy, I already forgot how happiness feels, and it's awful.


I'm getting really tired of Big Time Rush, my sister adore them, and I can't stand watching the four dudes with that episode with those 3 girls that wear leatherpants and pink.
I hate leatherpants, they are always looking weird, extremly expensive, too tight, and ugly as fuck, I just can't stand it, if you murder a beast, you need to make it quite more useful then stupid pants, jackets, are better, they protect from tons of things, and looks really funny when people wear them.
And pink, oh pink, is the worst color ever.


You know how much I hate religion...
So a holiday and I aren't going well together...
I really can't stand stupid religion.
I'm forced to celebrate.
When I'll be able to move the fuck out, I won't have a full part in my religion, it's extra light jewish for me.
And guess what?
I would like that.


You know, only if I could freeze myself when I'll be 22, just the body the same, and eternity for my own, watching everyone getting old, and I'll meet so many people.
That's the fun of immortality.
Not the stupid things you must take/have to live (it sounds exhausting), not the stupid love stories (unrealistic expectations), nothing of them, just the time, spend doing everything, dying your hair to rainbow, reading every book in the library, learning...


It sounds beautiful to me...
To live forever.
And if not forever, a few centuries in the same age and body.
It sounds incredible.



It's funny that before the beginning of the year, I was sure I'll have tons of friends, I had stupid irrational hope.
And now?
Nobody.
I don't find it bad, it's quite good.
Nobody actually knows, nobody actaually cares.
I can just go somewhere, just dissappear, and that's it, nobody will actually ask why.


I just wonder if it's normal, if other people are like me.
Actually there are plenty of people like me.
But, is there somebody in the universe that exactly like my situation?
I doubt that.
Like, how is it possible that the same kind of evilness exist in another place, precise amount of stupidity.

I just hope there isn't, nobody should suffer...


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.

Annoying day

What a day...

Fucking annoying day!

A heart attack, some yellings, a psychologist, that's what I passed through today...

My neighbor, got a heart attack, the man, he was nice, I liked him, he never meant to be funny, but his actions are hilarious.

I'm sick of my family, god, they are just, don't get it...
You can never ever mention how much fat in some body part, to a human being, even if s/he don't care, later, s/he will are, and it will end terribly.
I thought that my arms are skinny, I guess they aren't...
I always thought that they were the thinnest part of me, now, I doubt that...

The psychologist, is like a fucking literture teacher, she finds meanings where there are no meanings at all.
I'm sick of drawing my melted mouths and say "nothing" afterwards.
I just want to draw, and then, silence.
And now, I'm being ignored.

WOW!
THAT GIRL CAN SING "THE A TEAM" SO BEAUTIFULY!
I think she should pass, she worth it!
And it's better than those stupid depressing in way too cheery music, stupid lyrics that just says "I wanted to write a song, but I have no idea, so let's make bullshit with my guitar" which is true thanks to that song about London, and it's middle eastern, hebrew, and I just hate it.

So...

Have you felt pain in the form of cosmetic treatment?

Have you ever got waxed on your period?

I'm sorry, but today I did only half leg, and full upper body, and I was a wimp, because the last time it was on my period, it was after New York, I got my whole body waxed, and that is called pain. 

I just wonder...

How long?

When will I be able to just... Log off?

Just step away, and instead of keeping relationships, I'll become a person that have a purpose. 

There's this guy...

He committed suicide, and his name was Lois. 

And, I always said that my answer for how many people for each day, is too much, always too many. 

Nobody should die this way. 

That was the only good thing on the society of Cassia, Ky, Xander, and their world, suicide is like a legend, you never see it, the idea of death under 80 is for irregular situations, and mutations (aka, abbertions, and the outer proviences, because of the enemy and the society), the society seems boring, endless stupid routines, in intention to lead to perfection, and guess what, no death is great. 

Though, I'd love that natrual death ways will happen, not like with the solider that captured the death in the sack, if it will happen, people will be miserable. 

You know, I'm starting to actually know how I'd name an animal by its color and size, I'm very specific.

If its enormous black dog (the kind that 5 year old children can ride on), it will be shadow, because I knew a dog named the same, and I love him. 

If it will be a small, with destroyed and or missing body parts and it's ginger cat, it will be named Ada, because my brother always yelled Ada! When he saw that cat. 

I want a bunny. 

But not like the one I had when I was 3, that was a bunny in a size of a large purse dog, in the size of 2 large purse dogs. 

I saw so many small black bunnies, and brown, they are adorable!

I want an animal. 

Or a friend. 

Fuck loneliness. 

I feel that I have nobody. 

So, my psychologist, is interested in my blog, she don't know it's on English, so it's good!

She asked me why I keep writing if everyday, I say that it's just really important to me. 

It's only half the truth. 

I keep writing to remind everybody that reads, that if I'll stop without any warning, it means I'm dead, that I killed myself, that I finally gave up, but I never stop, because this is showing that you can go through it. 

I really hate the new fashion. 

If I want food fashion tips, I'll go to the amazing guy I saw in New York, that matched his purse (with a dog in it) to his shoes and his jacket (that was tailored flawlessly), and wore skinny jeans, and sunglasses, and his shoes, I was amazed by the heel, it was so high!

I admire his fashion taste!

But seriously, the new grunge, and furs. 

Sometimes I can manage that.

Sometimes I can't. 

I have a design already for an outfit. 

Feel free to design it, sell it, and ship one for me, I'd like to get some winter clothing. 

So, imagine basic flannel shirt, long sleeves, red plaid with blue. 

Make it a hoodie. 

Add a zipper, and the head part is black , like, black fabric from outside, and rich lookin black faux fur from the inside. 

Am I the only one who liked rich looking faux furs?

So since I have nothing much to post, go check vlade's page on meme center, or just wtf fun facts on tumblr. 

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.